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My son is detoxing from almost 1 month of heroin use
Hi All,
I'm new to this forum but have been lurking for a few days and have been impressed by the support and compassion offered here.
I thought I was trying to educate myself for my sweet niece, 25 yrs old, ~5 yr Heroin habit, and now living on the streets after 1 failed 28-day in-patient detox and rehab 2 months ago. This has been devastating to my sister, my mom and I. Nobody has heard from her for several weeks. (My sister was about to go over the edge, so finally ended up starting on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. I dislike anything pharmaceutical, but I know it was better than the alternative for her.)
However, now I have another interest in being here. I just learned that after 1 year clean and making huge progress in his life, my 20-yr old son relapsed on Heroin for almost a month and just called to share this with me, and ask if he could come home and quit cold turkey, with my help. I would have never ever though this would happen, and it's devastating news, but I am happy that he caught himself and resolved with every fiber of his being to quit, because today he graduated from technical training, top of his class, interviewed with several companies yesterday, and has opportunities for great jobs ahead. He has every reason in the world to get off asap, so I know he's highly motivated. He's already been offered one job but is holding out for the best. He just has to get clean fast... but the right way, so he is really healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
He will be starting tomorrow, using in the morning, working a few hours, then 3-1/3 hour bus and car ride to my house. I've been frantically trying to read up on every way to be ready to help him through this naturally, if possible. He has been doing research as well.
My question for the forum is, does anyone have any experience with someone withdrawing after only 3-1/2 weeks of smoking lower doses of Heroin? I am hoping to hear that the w/d will be less painful and shorter..?
Any other suggestions for getting through this are welcome as well. I know about all the physical issues, I actually think the depression might be the hardest though?
Thanks for any and all comments, and all the best to all of you. This is a hard road for everyone. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and I pray that everyone gets to that light! Namaste.
I'm new to this forum but have been lurking for a few days and have been impressed by the support and compassion offered here.
I thought I was trying to educate myself for my sweet niece, 25 yrs old, ~5 yr Heroin habit, and now living on the streets after 1 failed 28-day in-patient detox and rehab 2 months ago. This has been devastating to my sister, my mom and I. Nobody has heard from her for several weeks. (My sister was about to go over the edge, so finally ended up starting on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. I dislike anything pharmaceutical, but I know it was better than the alternative for her.)
However, now I have another interest in being here. I just learned that after 1 year clean and making huge progress in his life, my 20-yr old son relapsed on Heroin for almost a month and just called to share this with me, and ask if he could come home and quit cold turkey, with my help. I would have never ever though this would happen, and it's devastating news, but I am happy that he caught himself and resolved with every fiber of his being to quit, because today he graduated from technical training, top of his class, interviewed with several companies yesterday, and has opportunities for great jobs ahead. He has every reason in the world to get off asap, so I know he's highly motivated. He's already been offered one job but is holding out for the best. He just has to get clean fast... but the right way, so he is really healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
He will be starting tomorrow, using in the morning, working a few hours, then 3-1/3 hour bus and car ride to my house. I've been frantically trying to read up on every way to be ready to help him through this naturally, if possible. He has been doing research as well.
My question for the forum is, does anyone have any experience with someone withdrawing after only 3-1/2 weeks of smoking lower doses of Heroin? I am hoping to hear that the w/d will be less painful and shorter..?
Any other suggestions for getting through this are welcome as well. I know about all the physical issues, I actually think the depression might be the hardest though?
Thanks for any and all comments, and all the best to all of you. This is a hard road for everyone. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and I pray that everyone gets to that light! Namaste.
Hi there jifmoc, thanks for taking the time to respond so soon.
I understand the red flags that you mention. I'm going to address some of them so you know a little more of where I'm coming from.
As far as aftercare, no he wasn't in it, although he would have liked going to counseling if he had time. Unfortunately he was booked 8 AM to 8 PM weekdays. And I didn't push it because I was naïve enough to think he was done. Why would anyone ever choose to revisit hell?
He did move to a different town from where he used before, and had no further association with those people. They weren't who got him back on it. (This time though, we will delete and block phone numbers.)
When he recovered, he got into a training program and loved it. He got a part-time job and loved it. Was busy 60 hours a week, plus homework. There didn't seem to be any reason for him to relapse. He was happy and moving forward. Living with friends who didn't use. But I should have seen the red flag when he sadly told me that a friend of his from high school was using, and he was trying to advise her on quitting. I'm sure he was, but now I know how that goes.
When I said he needs to detox quickly, I meant cold turkey rather than doing a suboxone taper. The sub taper was what worked for him last time, but this time he is determined to get it over with, without subs, so that he can be move forward with the job interviews. Last time he did the whole thing himself with a sub doc, but tapered himself off much faster than the doctor was going to do it. He felt like the suboxone was a life-saver, but couldn't wait to put it all behind him. This time, he doesn't have time to do a sub taper and still interview for jobs in January.
He is coming here by bus, so he won't have a car to go anywhere. We are out in the country, so no way to walk to town either. Because he has to work several hours tomorrow then take the bus for 3 hours (a van with no restroom), he can't be in full withdrawals en route. That's why a couple of days ago he got only enough to get him through 2 days of work, school interviews and graduation, and take the last dose (smaller) to get through work and the trip over here.
The place he lives has too many people around, and no way for peace and quiet to detox and nobody to help. So he really needs to be here with me in a quiet environment. He just wants to sort of hibernate and deal with it, with my support. If I refused it would probably be setting him up for failure. Oh I should mention that he has never lived here; I married and moved here after he graduated so he has no roots here (i.e. friends or places to go).
I feel like he is truly suffering the consequences of this bad choice. He now has to pay for it with the stress of getting through this to be ready for the job he has worked so hard to get. I don't need to add any further punishment by turning my back on him. He has a great future waiting for him, with a great-paying job that he's going to love, and he was really looking forward to it. He is highly motivated.
He agreed to be in a 12-step program or some kind of aftercare, and I have a list of all the local AA and NA meetings and the Al-Anon for me. The only thing that scares me is I heard an addict say they scored their next hit from someone at a meeting.... my husband is also concerned about him being immersed in that environment, and says why can't he get involved with people who are busy advancing their lives who have nothing to do with drugs, and keep his mind busy with productive, non-drug-related things? Maybe we are too naïve by thinking that. I've had quite the education in the last few months though, watching what my sister is going through with my niece. Sad to say, we don't even know if she's alive at this point. She left with just the clothes on her back. I don't like to think about how she is supporting her habit. My sister was setting up an intervention, but her daughter can't be found. Hopelessness is a horrible feeling for families. It tears them up.
I don't think I'm involved in his addiction. I just found out 3 days ago when he called me to ask for help. I could tell he was stressed, scared, upset with himself, and hated hearing me cry. He was totally honest so I could know what he needed to do. I do know, though, that an addict, no matter how great a person they really are, has the capacity to lie if it serves their purposes. In this case though, it served no purpose. He was determined to get clean and needed help.
Well thanks again, I still look forward to any responses to my question about whether the w/d might be lighter due to only 3-1/2 weeks of lighter use (far lighter than the 6 months he used last time).
I appreciate your time and energy. I do know that what you are saying is right :-)
I understand the red flags that you mention. I'm going to address some of them so you know a little more of where I'm coming from.
As far as aftercare, no he wasn't in it, although he would have liked going to counseling if he had time. Unfortunately he was booked 8 AM to 8 PM weekdays. And I didn't push it because I was naïve enough to think he was done. Why would anyone ever choose to revisit hell?
He did move to a different town from where he used before, and had no further association with those people. They weren't who got him back on it. (This time though, we will delete and block phone numbers.)
When he recovered, he got into a training program and loved it. He got a part-time job and loved it. Was busy 60 hours a week, plus homework. There didn't seem to be any reason for him to relapse. He was happy and moving forward. Living with friends who didn't use. But I should have seen the red flag when he sadly told me that a friend of his from high school was using, and he was trying to advise her on quitting. I'm sure he was, but now I know how that goes.
When I said he needs to detox quickly, I meant cold turkey rather than doing a suboxone taper. The sub taper was what worked for him last time, but this time he is determined to get it over with, without subs, so that he can be move forward with the job interviews. Last time he did the whole thing himself with a sub doc, but tapered himself off much faster than the doctor was going to do it. He felt like the suboxone was a life-saver, but couldn't wait to put it all behind him. This time, he doesn't have time to do a sub taper and still interview for jobs in January.
He is coming here by bus, so he won't have a car to go anywhere. We are out in the country, so no way to walk to town either. Because he has to work several hours tomorrow then take the bus for 3 hours (a van with no restroom), he can't be in full withdrawals en route. That's why a couple of days ago he got only enough to get him through 2 days of work, school interviews and graduation, and take the last dose (smaller) to get through work and the trip over here.
The place he lives has too many people around, and no way for peace and quiet to detox and nobody to help. So he really needs to be here with me in a quiet environment. He just wants to sort of hibernate and deal with it, with my support. If I refused it would probably be setting him up for failure. Oh I should mention that he has never lived here; I married and moved here after he graduated so he has no roots here (i.e. friends or places to go).
I feel like he is truly suffering the consequences of this bad choice. He now has to pay for it with the stress of getting through this to be ready for the job he has worked so hard to get. I don't need to add any further punishment by turning my back on him. He has a great future waiting for him, with a great-paying job that he's going to love, and he was really looking forward to it. He is highly motivated.
He agreed to be in a 12-step program or some kind of aftercare, and I have a list of all the local AA and NA meetings and the Al-Anon for me. The only thing that scares me is I heard an addict say they scored their next hit from someone at a meeting.... my husband is also concerned about him being immersed in that environment, and says why can't he get involved with people who are busy advancing their lives who have nothing to do with drugs, and keep his mind busy with productive, non-drug-related things? Maybe we are too naïve by thinking that. I've had quite the education in the last few months though, watching what my sister is going through with my niece. Sad to say, we don't even know if she's alive at this point. She left with just the clothes on her back. I don't like to think about how she is supporting her habit. My sister was setting up an intervention, but her daughter can't be found. Hopelessness is a horrible feeling for families. It tears them up.
I don't think I'm involved in his addiction. I just found out 3 days ago when he called me to ask for help. I could tell he was stressed, scared, upset with himself, and hated hearing me cry. He was totally honest so I could know what he needed to do. I do know, though, that an addict, no matter how great a person they really are, has the capacity to lie if it serves their purposes. In this case though, it served no purpose. He was determined to get clean and needed help.
Well thanks again, I still look forward to any responses to my question about whether the w/d might be lighter due to only 3-1/2 weeks of lighter use (far lighter than the 6 months he used last time).
I appreciate your time and energy. I do know that what you are saying is right :-)
Hi, there. You sound like an educated, reasonable mom so I hope you won't mind some red flags that struck me while I was reading your story. Why did you never ever think a relapse could happen? A relapse can always happen, but it will MOST likely if the addict is not doing aftercare. So the most important question is: what is he doing for aftercare?
You also said he needs to detox quickly. I'm not sure what that means. We can't control detox, it will take as long as it takes. Again, those symptoms will pass, it's the STAYING clean that's the work for all of us.
And, you wrote that he will use in the morning and then come to you? Meaning he will be doing some before he comes to see you? If that is what you mean that is a huge problem. That won't work. He needs to cut off ALL access to H. Delete ph #s, change his ph #, whatever it takes. If he is gonna use, I doubt his seriousness in getting clean. Which brings me to the next point...
I'm sure as a mom this is not easy to here but you help the addict best by letting him have his own life and consequences. The fact that you know exactly how much and what type of H he is using is a bit alarming because it means you are involved in his addiction. This is where alanon comes in. The loved ones of addicts go thru hell, and need support. I cannot impress the importance of alanon enough. Please look up a meeting.
One more thing, and this is not about your son, but about all us addicts, you don't know how long or how much he is really using. When we are in our addiction we lie. We lie because we don't want to upset our loved ones. So, if you agree to have him at your place to detox (I would reconsider that, too, you want the addict to have consequences, that helps us get clean!) but if you insist, I would keep in mind that anything could happen. He could say screw it after one day. I'm just preparing you. Do not, I repeat do not give him money at all. I would also set a limit as to how long he can detox at your place.
It's the middle of the night for many so I'm sure you will get more support later on. Keep posting:)
You also said he needs to detox quickly. I'm not sure what that means. We can't control detox, it will take as long as it takes. Again, those symptoms will pass, it's the STAYING clean that's the work for all of us.
And, you wrote that he will use in the morning and then come to you? Meaning he will be doing some before he comes to see you? If that is what you mean that is a huge problem. That won't work. He needs to cut off ALL access to H. Delete ph #s, change his ph #, whatever it takes. If he is gonna use, I doubt his seriousness in getting clean. Which brings me to the next point...
I'm sure as a mom this is not easy to here but you help the addict best by letting him have his own life and consequences. The fact that you know exactly how much and what type of H he is using is a bit alarming because it means you are involved in his addiction. This is where alanon comes in. The loved ones of addicts go thru hell, and need support. I cannot impress the importance of alanon enough. Please look up a meeting.
One more thing, and this is not about your son, but about all us addicts, you don't know how long or how much he is really using. When we are in our addiction we lie. We lie because we don't want to upset our loved ones. So, if you agree to have him at your place to detox (I would reconsider that, too, you want the addict to have consequences, that helps us get clean!) but if you insist, I would keep in mind that anything could happen. He could say screw it after one day. I'm just preparing you. Do not, I repeat do not give him money at all. I would also set a limit as to how long he can detox at your place.
It's the middle of the night for many so I'm sure you will get more support later on. Keep posting:)
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