Need MAJOR help or support!

[Teresa1717]

I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.

My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!

She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa.  I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.  

When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!

I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?"  My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"

I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.

[meegWpaw]

Hey Teresa just want to tell you again that you have my support and admiration.  Maybe like you said it's a good thing in the long run that you level with your mom.  It will probably be painful for both of you but as you indicated you will rest much easier and be at peace with yourself about all of that.  What an incredibly great job you have done with this whole thing!  You came out clean and strong.  You're fantastic, Teresa!  but you know that.

[Teresa1717]

Its a long story Pat, but I was going to leave to just make things better for tonight, for my mom because she feels bad for her but after this all happened, she stormed out of the house and My dad finally found her and just called me and told me he is [paying for her to stay in a hotel. Im fine with that and would prefer that. I have alot I need to talk to my mom about now

[Pat1956100]

So she told your mom, gave you pills, pushed you and gave you a black eye, yet you have to leave?  What's wrong with that picture?

[Teresa1717]

Thanks guys, So things got ugly here. I did try and talk to her, but she was high and drunk and it resulted in me throwing the pills in her face that she thought would  be funny that she put on my dresser, then she pushed me, I have a black eye, I told her to leave and she did but not before She decided to tell my mom that she shouldnt think im such a good person, that she doesnt know Im a convicted felon. My mom is very upset right now and I will need to explain everything to her but I guess im glad its out now so I dont have to be afraid of her finding out anymore.

Anyways, Im leaving here for the night to go to my brothers, but I will say this, Looking at how she was, reminded me of WHY I want to stay clean!! I Was her years ago, months ago and I dont ever want to be like that again! I Dont idolize her anymore, I pity her!

Thank you everyone for your advice and support!

[nursegirl6572]

She's not going to start telling your secrets, as I'm sure you have enough dirt on her too...works both ways.

Remember hon, no matter WHAT, she can't MAKE you use.  If anything, hold your head high and prove her wrong.  She has probably spent the whole XMas day coutning pills, planning her next "dose"...you're FREE of that!  Celebrate that.  Spend time with the other members of your family...soon enough she'll be gone.  How long is she staying?  If you have to, after today...just get out of the house...make excuses to go anywhere and do anything until she's gone.

I have NO doubt you can do this!

[clean_in_ks]

Can only share what I would do, girl.  I would ask for a short private conversation with her ASAP.  If there isn't a place at your parent's home that would be comfortable for a SHORT talk then I'd go to a public place for a cup of coffee or something.  A safe, public, nonalcohol
environment.  But, even in your bedroom if it's private enough to suit ya.
I would ONLY tell her simple facts.  Draw new lines in the sand.  Be FIRM
with your voice and boundaries.  I would say I have come to a place in my life that I no longer choose to do ANY kind of mind altering substances.  I don't expect you to understand or agree.....but I DO expect you to love me and respect me enough to honor this choice.  If you can't do this for me, I won't be able to be around you.  
If that option doesn't work out, share with your mom and dad (or whomever you think best) that your recovery MUST come before all else in your life right this very minute.  That you have trigger issues, or anxiety issues or whatever you are comfortable sharing.....and you MUST put space between you and your cuz .
I have HUGE trigger issues with one of my family members.  I simply CANNOT be around her right now.  I KNOW this in the depth of my soul.
In my case, I can just not BE around her most of the time, but in this case you were caught offguard, surprised, already fearing manipulation and then the wine offer where you didn't stick to your guns in your own house and then her sarcastic comments.  She simply WON'T understand your heart or commitment if she's still using.  But YOU can be strong enough to say this.....it's time to get this boundary drawn with her.  You may just be the very person that will be helping her on down the road.  What a deal that would be??
But for now.....YOU have to PROTECT you.....and you have to BELIEVE in yourself enough to know you CAN talk to her Teresa!  You ARE strong enough......heck look at all the tests you've been thru in the last 30 days for pity sakes!!!!  She will stop feeling like a threat to you when you draw your NEW line......it ALL WILL BE WELL....YOU will DO GOOD!!  I certainly wouldn't feel like you have to go into ANY great detail with her or JUSTIFY yourself.  You don't NEED her approval or her manipulation.....you've grown beyond this already, girl.  Please check back in and let us know how you're handling all this.  NOTHING is worth your sobriety.  And secrets that are still kept may come out at times that are beyond our control which is why they say secrets make us sick and they grow in the dark.  
You've come a long way baby and there isn't anything in your past that can hurt you anymore.  ( p.s. be sure to talk to your sponsor as soon as you can and hit a meeting ok?)  Big hugs~