Aa
Need MAJOR help or support!
I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.
My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!
She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa. I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.
When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!
I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?" My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"
I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.
My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!
She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa. I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.
When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!
I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?" My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"
I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.
I personally have dealt with these situations and while I am not a confrontational person, I am a fighter when it comes to things I feel passionate about. I'll fight anyone physically, verbally, emotionally, spiritually if I KNOW I have ethical ground to stand on. I can tell you what I would say but you will need to back the words with strong emotion so she knows how serious you are. If I happen to be around someone who is drinking and they try to pressure me into having one or getting high or anything I explain,
"You know I'm in recovery and I'm there for a reason, my ENTIRE LIFE was going down the sh****r. If I didn't stop I would DIE. What you're asking me to do might not seem like a big deal to you but you don't know how it is for me. I guarantee you if I give in it will ruin my life and end up KILLING me and neither one of us want to know you facilitated something like that. If you love me or respect me or even just don't hate me for God sakes then you wont bug me about it again. And if you do, well with all due respect you can politely f**k off."
lol, obviously that isn't meant to be used ver batem but you get the idea. (If pushed far enough I DO add the explatives :) I hope everything is still holding up for you. Keep us posted!
"You know I'm in recovery and I'm there for a reason, my ENTIRE LIFE was going down the sh****r. If I didn't stop I would DIE. What you're asking me to do might not seem like a big deal to you but you don't know how it is for me. I guarantee you if I give in it will ruin my life and end up KILLING me and neither one of us want to know you facilitated something like that. If you love me or respect me or even just don't hate me for God sakes then you wont bug me about it again. And if you do, well with all due respect you can politely f**k off."
lol, obviously that isn't meant to be used ver batem but you get the idea. (If pushed far enough I DO add the explatives :) I hope everything is still holding up for you. Keep us posted!
Hang in there Teresa. I've had so many triggers today also but I've stayed clean. Your such a inspiration to me and you've helped me and others more than you'll ever know! Stay strong and keep posting if you need to. I'm praying for you!
Well, Thank yall for listening...I guess im on my own at the end of the day and will have to figure it out
merry christmas
merry christmas
I don't post often but I read here everyday. Keep posting and posting to keep yourself strong. You've done fabulous and you CAN say no. You worked really hard to get where you are! Do whatever you have to ... take a walk, go to bed early, fake not feeling well. When will she be leaving? I would hope she wouldn't drag up things to your family but if she does, you just have to keep your chin up and say, "That's all in the past." You just keep posting and getting support and you'll get through this!
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