Need MAJOR help or support!

[Teresa1717]

I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.

My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!

She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa.  I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.  

When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!

I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?"  My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"

I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.

[Teresa1717]

Thanks for listening and your support

[YesLife4Me]

Do you think she would tell your mom if you turned down something she offered to you?   I know you are worried about your history coming out....just wondering what would cause her to say something?  

[ricart70]

sorry youre having to go through this.

[Teresa1717]

yes...IF I cant say no to her like every other time in my life, then I am screwed

[Jeffii]

Just remember you NO longer want to be like her.  You have outgrown her and your life is so much better. Now is her that wants to be like you that's why she is trying to upset you. Stay strong and keep as much distance between you and her as possible.

[Teresa1717]

My mother and father, and the rest of my family actually, dont know I was arrested, and dont know about my felonies and my probation and all of that. She is the only one. And it would kill my mom if she found that out...SO while I agree, that what she has over my head shouldnt matter, in this case it does and this is what Scares me! Well that and her just being around me