Need MAJOR help or support!

[Teresa1717]

I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.

My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!

She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa.  I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.  

When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!

I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?"  My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"

I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.

[YesLife4Me]

What's your biggest fear?  That she will ask and you will give in?    How long will she be around?  Take it minute to minute and then this will be over.  

[Teresa1717]

Shes not mean I wouldnt say. She just knows how to get to me. Many times I would tell her in the past how I didnt want to use anymore, and wanted to stop doing this to myself and she told me one time that shes afraid if I get clean I wont want anything to do with her anymore. So she said She wont let that happen, and then of course laughed but I know she was serious

[YesLife4Me]

I hate it when someone says "good luck with that", etc.   That's just their addict talking.    They deep down want what you have right now.   Don't worry about what you think she may have over you.  What you have is more important!  

[Teresa1717]

Well, Im not sure what you mean by seperating in the home but I have my own room if thats what you mean?  Im not worried about that and I guess I could just stay in my room (which is where I am now) but my entire family is here. Just her presence is triggeriing me. I know shes using, Infact I know shes high right now! I saw her bottle of pills in the room shes staying in. My family knows she takes pills because she has Lupus and does have chronic pain so she doesnt have to hide her opiate addiction.

[Jeffii]

I'm not sure how much help I can be cause you've been my Rock on here but I'm here for you.  

[ricart70]

Is there any way you can separate from her in the home.It sounds like she is kind of mean.Great that you are reaching out and not giving in to temptation.I am lucky I guess to be by myself when it comes to this subject.I can always run away and go home.  P.S. I absolutely can't stand the phrase "how's that working for you"-so condescending .  Hang in there  :)