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Need advice on severe methadone withdrawal using hydrocodone/oxycodone- help?!

*My specific questions are listed toward the end*

Okay. I was on a combined total of 300mg of hydrocodone and oxycodone a day for pain, 200mg zoloft and 10mg ambien for my anxiety/PTSD. I had been through a ton of other meds before that but that is where I was when I stopped. I went "cold turkey" off everything. Ended up in the ER cuz my body went into shock from opiate withdrawal (was on opiates for over 5 years). I just didn't want to be slave to medication anymore and had no clue that would happen. Anyway, ended up on methadone. They "stabilized" me at 105mg.

After being on methadone for 2 months, I thought I was doing great. But then I did my research on the drug and freaked. Plus I didn't like the fact that I had to stand in line and take UAs like some lab rat (yes, I have mental issues, but who doesn't). Regardless, I wanted off ASAP. So I did a 30 day detox from 105mg to 0mg. I rather deal with the cards I've been dealt naturally than chemically. I miss the old me. So, here we go...

When I hit 50mg of methadone, the withdrawals became unbearable. I started taking 5mg of hydrocodone in the morning before I dosed so they wouldn't stop the detox. By the time my UA came back, I had already been discharged since I was tapering at such an insane rate. So this has been my timeline since I've been completely off methadone:

Day 1: instant horrible cold flu symptoms. I couldn't even produce my own body heat. And I'm an actual survivor of the swine flu back in 2009. It felt a lot like that. I took 4 hydro 10s that day.

Day 2: stomach flu and cramps hit this day as well. Took 5 hydro 10s, half an oxycodone 10, and 1 ambien 10mg to try to sleep.

Day 3: one of my worst days but I received these vitamins called "withdrawal aid" and started following the regimen exactly as stated. Eating healthy (only could eat small bites of fruit at first). Took 4 hydro 10s, 1mg Xanax, and the ambien at night to try to sleep.

Day 4: was able to start eating more but still no energy. Still in pain all over my body. And the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem didn't allow me to sleep even with the sleeping pills. Took 1mg Xanax, 2 hydro 10s, 1 oxy 10, vitamins, tons of fruit, new script for chlonidine 0.2mg, 10mg ambien to try to sleep,

Day 5: suddenly, started feeling much better. Only needed 2 oxycodone 10s (no hydros), everything else the same as day 4

Day 6: I felt better than I have in a very long time considering my severe withdrawals started 17 days ago as I was tapering off methadone very fast. I took 3 hydro 10s and 1 Xanax and the chlonidine (along with the healthy vitamins and fruit). However, nothing stops the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem and clenches up all my muscles in my neck and back when I'm trying to sleep. Makes me kick my legs and want to rip my own spine out of my body. Even if I do fall asleep, that wakes me up and I turn into the hulk and then cry like a baby for hours in misery. And that is the main thing I've been going through for the past 17 days. That is the only thing I can't handle. I'm now just taking the opiates in the morning and throughout the night. Don't need them during the day. I just deal with the lack of energy.

Day 7: that's today. The day started out great. I went out for breakfast and treated myself to French toast, eggs and coffee. After I felt absolutely awful and got the runs immediately. What the hell is going on?? I had to take 1 hydro 10, 2 oxy and it's only 4pm!!!! I'm assuming it had to be the not so healthy food, but I had such an appetite. I thought I was in the clear. I'm sure the appetite came from my severe lack of sleep and energy. Had nausea and a massive headache soon after the runs. But now I feel like I'm on an actual "high" for some reason. No matter what, I'm not taking any more damn opiates today! I shouldn't be feeling high!! I'm actually going to try to sleep now because I'm exhausted. If I feel high, I think this is the time to get some rest.

I'm scared I will have horrible WDs when I try to not take any opiates tomorrow. However, I feel like the methadone at least is almost out of my system. My body burns through meds faster than most people (at least that's what they told me- and why it took 105mgs to stabilize me).

I'm hoping to get a muscle relaxer Rx maybe as early as tonight if the stupid pharmacy gets in gear. It's a very common med given to people going through methadone withdrawal. If I can just beat that nerve/muscle pain in my spine, I can walk off this for good. I don't have a script for opiates or Xanax anymore because I left all my old "treatment" behind. I've just been using what I've had left over all these months. I don't plan on finishing them off. I want to beat these stupid things and then say goodbye forever. If I wanted to continue to feel "good", I have plenty of pills to do it. But that's not what I want. I want to be free. Because as of right now, I'm still a slave... a prisoner of my own body. My body will eventually treat me good, if I'm good to it.

Now, with everything I've just explained, I have questions.

1. Am I feeling so much better recently because I'm becoming dependent on opiate pills again? OR is this the "roller coaster" of methadone withdrawal I've heard so much about? OR could that be attributed to the vitamins and healthy eating? AND what's with the feeling high? I'm hoping that means my tolerance has been lowered which would hopefully mean easier WDs??

2. I also have about 10 pills of buprenorphine 8mg (called subs I think?) that I got from someone I met who's been through all of this. But I don't have his number and I can't go to the clinic because I fear I'll cave and go back on the methadone. Should I cut those into the 0.5mg dose and then do the under the tongue way of taking them just to carry me off the last few oxys I need to get by once I start feeling the WDs after stopping the oxys? Or will that make me withdraw the way methadone is doing? (Don't even wanna touch those damn things. Hoping to just quit the opiates with the muscle relaxers, chlonidine, ambien, vitamins and eating healthy).

3. Will the muscle relaxer help with that spine-clench thing that makes me want to snuff it every time it happens?

I don't want to be on any meds anymore once this is over. The chlonidine and Xanax really help with the anxiety, my heart rate and bp (they've been sky high through all of this even though I'm young and generally healthy). But, I don't want to take the Xanax anymore. I hear that you can become dependent on those too, even tho they've always helped me in the past. I just still have them from my last surgery because I need them to prepare myself to go under every time (thanks to the anxiety and PTSD).

My exit plan was just to take an opiate pill when I'm at my worst (aka suicidal) and then just taper off with the help of the withdrawal aid, eating healthy, etc. So far I feel it's actually kinda working. But I cannot get over the night time hydros/oxys I need to sleep just an hour or two because of the spine thing. I could be totally knocked out on ambien and it rips me out of my glorious slumber- like the devil himself reached into my spine with his hot, fiery claws and is twisting it into a twizzler. (Yes, it's that dramatic).

Can anyone help me with my questions? I know I'm all over the place. But anyone who's gone through this might understand... I hope. I really need the advice and someone to talk to.
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Greetings! :)

First: You-Are-Not-Shunned-Here!

We embrace & support you & your desire to be clean. Because of that, we want to give you the best advice possible & the benefit of our combined experience. Many people here have tapered & are clean as a result but there are certain things that determine the success or failure of a kick which I'll go into below.

No!: No one is or was saying that shorter-acting opiates like Oxys & Hydros are as bad as M'done. I think what some of us might have been trying to convey was that yo-yo'ing during a taper in order to address certain symptoms is not effective. Also, there's a real concern with this that you will simply return to your original DOC's (particularly with your anxiety level).

Are you under a Dr.'s care right now? I'm asking for a couple of reasons: The PTSD/fear/anxiety, your mentions of suicide & not having any family or support around you. A good Dr. could listen to your fears, monitor your symptoms & taper you effectively. I think it might offer you some relief to be able to do this 'locally'.

Generally, for a taper to work, the person has to cut all their sources to the drug. They also have someone else dole them out to them. Some form of aftercare is essential because it's not really about getting clean but staying clean. That's the True challenge.

I'm glad you feel like you're on a mission! Let's plan it out wisely so that this is as emotionally easy on you as possible.

What think, ye'? :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi honey:  It's hard to know what to respond to...you've had a lot of great folks come on here and give you very, very good advice.

I would like to make one comment though...I notice you put yourself down quite a bit.  Calling yourself "retarded" and "craphead" and such.  That has to stop, sweetie.  You're not any of those things.  We don't know your full health history, but you are obviously dealing with some issues.  I too, had swine flu, and it was terrible.  And I also have PTSD.   The latter complicates any recovery....opiates not only take away physical pain, they smooth out the rough mental edges too.

Is there a doctor you can see who you could tell your entire story too?  You've got a LOT going on, and its impossible for us to give you the exact answers as to how to get through this without some very nasty days.  

Vitamins can certainly help, but no vitamin regimen in the world is going to stop the usual subjects:   stomach cramping, possibly vomiting, diarrhea, leg aches, bones aches, insomnia, anxiety (very bad at times) the sweats, and just feeling like crap in general.

As long as you are putting opiates In your body, you are not in full withdrawal, and that is where you need to be in order to start on the path to a full recovery.   And its gonna suck.    I had boatload of muscle relaxants during my w/d's and they did absolutely nothing for me.   I don't know which one you are going to get:   there is one type...I believe it goes by the name of Flexeril, that is potentially addictive.

I think the advice about putting yourself into a rehab facility is an excellent one.  You have a lot going on, and I think you would benefit greatly from the regular monitoring you would receive there.  

Please don't take this the wrong way, sweetie, but taking opiates to get off methadone doesn't make much sense.   They are both opiods.   Only difference is that methadone is completely synthetic, no portion of its synthesis comes from poppy plants.  I'm told it is a beast to get off of, but then again, I am 55 days clean form JUST oxycodone (no methadone) and I can tell you first hand, this has been no picnic.   I felt terrible for the first 2 weeks and didn't begin to have anything even close to normal for 30 days.

Again, I strongly urge you not to try and get clean on your own.   Your emotions are all over the place, you're feeling a bunch of different stuff, some of it very negative, and I think you would do MUCH better in a facility.  That doesn't reflect on your worth as a person.    

These drugs get to everyone who stays on them longer than a few weeks...pls try to be kinder to yourself.  You're a good person with a bad problem.  

hugs,

-Robin
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
Good morning.no you will not be shunned for tapering.
Tapering if done properly, preferably under a doctor's care is better for your body and mind,  withdrawal symptoms are less severe.

Just to clarify, What are you still taking?

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Avatar universal
And furthermore.... The reason I came on here asking for help so desperately is because I felt high from taking that last oxy yesterday. Which isn't supposed to happen so I knew I had taken more than I needed. I was freaking out feeling that way. But what the hell DONT I freak out about. FML
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Avatar universal
I didn't mean to fall off like that last night. I was shaking, heart was pounding out of my chest, felt like I couldn't breathe. Full on anxiety attack.

I went from feeling so proud of myself by doing this taper business to feeling like I was literally going to die from all the meds I was on last night. I stayed awake all night  cuz I was terrified of dying in my sleep.  

That's the whole reason why I have Xanax in the first place... To go under for surgeries. I don't know if I made it clear that I'm actual diagnosed anxiety/PTSD and all the pain pills I have actually ARE mine (except the sub and threw those away). They're just old. I did abuse them toward the end because of a specific event before I went cold turkey and ended up in the ER.  I want you all to know I'm not just throwing my own diagnosis around. I've been freaking myself out with stuff I'm reading online sure but who could blame me. I'm crazy. Got the records to prove it lol. (Again, I try to use humor to help me cope).

I've been reading about how mental this stuff is. I'm terrified of my body ending up "in shock" again from the opiates. The clinic, the withdrawal guide and so many others say to use the taper method. I feel like I need to be friggin committed now and nothing can save me.

Yes, I want to be FREE of all medicine. But I trust the chlonidine will help with the anxiety through this because it lowers your bp and heart rate (which are always through the roof now and I don't have bp issues). Just the stress and pain of all this I guess.

And I must ask, am I shunned because I want to continue to taper over the next few days? Because that's all I have left now is a few days to hit 0. They said to let the vitamins build up in your system and do the taper thing. And now I might want to actually taper the Xanax cuz I'm seriously freaking out about that now. I feel like that's what has been keeping me from putting a bullet in my head. It doesn't make me sleepy whatsoever. In fact, I don't even "feel" an effect from Xanax. All I know is that it got me to all my surgeries without stabbing the doctor in the neck because I think he's going to kill me in my sleep. And then after I woke up alive from the surgery, I stopped taking them even though it was prescribed to take for the entire week or so surrounding the surgery. Thus, having a surplus in the cupboard.  I read about all these methods online and they say Xanax helps the process of methadone withdrawal. That's all. And I tapered WAY too fast from the methadone at the clinic but I just wanted that crap out of me ASAP. Methadone scared me more than anything.

So now am I to understand that hydro and oxy are just as bad as methadone? Because when I read about the science behind it, the withdrawal process is supposed to be easier with the short acting opiates. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses. But I really feel like it's working. All I know is that I'm not going back to the damn ER. I've had too many experiences with almost dying and that was one that I was completely conscious for- it was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced because I couldn't control my own body. I thought I was a vegetable for life. Going cold turkey is what put me there. The tapering has been been uncomfortable but I'm not dying. Am I seriously shunned for this??? I'm not trying to jerk y'all around. I can stick to a plan. My emotions had me a little off this week thus straying a little. But now I feel like I have a mission with people counting on me. Cuz I'll be honest, if I can't get support here, then I've got nothing. I don't have family anymore.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey! I don't want to confuse you more, but YES just get rid of the opiates!!! In a TAPER one would take less and less but not only is it not necessary, it prolongs wd. I will not hurt you. The ambien is a different story, but as far as your opiates: no mas. Okay?
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