Need advice....

[Addictchick_1983]

Tonight I struggle. My husband does not know the severity of my addiction... And if he does, he hasn't brought it up. Tho I'm about to be in hell... Tomorrow being day three. I need to buckle dwn and tell him the truth. Its so hard cause we never know how people will react. But I know he loves me... And will have my back... But I'm scared to see his dissapointment. Ugh... I been avoiding this a long time.

[VICourageous]

You will be surprised. I have seen this situation on here so so many times. Once they told the truth to a loved one, there was a BIG Weight lifted.
Support is a must and our secrets keep us sick!

Good Luck and I know it will be just fine!
Bless
Vickie

[jifmoc]

Hi, you have 3 threads going. Just ask your question on one thread so everyone can follow you and can follow your story.

Yes, honesty will help YOU take responsibility; something we don't do much of when we are using. Allow for any reaction you get, you can handle it. And can get support.

[VICourageous]

PS..I just got on here and noticed, after Jifmoc said this too you, that you have a few post going on in such short time. It is so much easier if you just stick with one and we all can follow a bit easier.

No harm done and it happens all the time. It just makes it a bit easier for us out here looking in. Hugs!

[ImInAwe]

When I told my husband, it felt amazing to just have that weight lifted! And before I talked to him, I did some research so I could do a good job explaining it to him, answering his questions... The fact that addiction is a brain disease that, once we choose to activate I, can't be so easily turned off, etc.. Ill be praying for you! You can do this!

[mooneyb1]

Hi Addictchick, I'm Bonnie and I'm on day 23 off opiates.  I just wanted to chime in with my two cents about telling my husband.  For years I thought I was hiding it from him. I always told myself that telling him would be the last thing I would ever do because I didn't want to see the shame of me and disgust in his eyes. He's never even drank coffee or smoked cigarettes.   When I finally told him 3 weeks ago, I found out that he'd always known and was waiting for me to come to him.  We cried together and I found a loving supportive spouse.  I am wishing you and praying for you to have all the strength and focus you need to find those right words to say to him.  I wish you health and peace. And I'm going to be thinking of you today. I'll check in a few rimes as well.  Blessings and hugs! -Bonnie-

[MrsANAV]

I am 7 weeks off oxycodone. When I finally told my husband he was like "duh!" He already knew as I'm sure your husband does. If he doesn't fully know he suspects I bet.

What I have found through my seven weeks is that you cannot do this alone. You may suffer through a detox physically but mentally you need as much support as possible and your spouce needs to be your first line of defense! It feels good to tell someone you trust.

My husband knew I had a problem because in the last two months on my pain meds I was having him hold/hide them from me. What he didn't know was that I was running out too early and even googling how to get more because I feared withdrawal so bad. In the end I faced it head on. I had/have a problem but I never crossed over into addict type behavior, I was able to stand on tha ledge and back off before jumping!

When I went cold turkey and into withdrawal my husband knew...but he didn't know how far into it I was. I finally just blew my top and told him everything one day in a fit of tears. My thoughts, the googling for ways to get more....everything! Now seven weeks into recovery he's better able to help me because he can remind how far I've come. If your husband knows your deepest secrets revolving around the pills, your though process etc he's more of a support tool for you. You will feel so much better prepared and empowered once you get it out.

I wish you luck. It gets better by the day so stay strong.

[kellygirll]

i kept my opiate addiction a secret from my husband for years i finally told him terrified as i was and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be tho i always said it was not an option to tell him and i went to rehab for 30 days i have had a few slip ups but i go to meetings and i have a sponsor so i think you should tell him like you said he loves you

[Smalltownmom]

Yes! I wrote before I think if you come clean you will be surprised. My family knew already but never said anything. When I brought it up finally, I was sick and deep in wds, they knew. (Too proud to really admit it. They thought once I went to the "special hospital" I'd be all better. That's the only problem I have. My hubby doesn't think I'm having issues after my suboxone taper.) My mother has been my best supporter. Anyways Going to detox certainly helps. Hopefully you can tell him. You will feel better and he can help you through this. Wish you well

[Addictchick_1983]

@vicouragous and jifmoc
Sorry about that. My thoughts are scattered. Nothing is free flowing at this moment.... Except the tauntment in my brain.
I realize the posts and babble.... I should refrain from such scatteredness and ramble. I do apologize for that.

[Addictchick_1983]

And I'm sure you are all correct. The fear is crippling at this time ..... But I know I have to tell him. I just am not sure how ... Or when. I know there will never be a perfect time. So I should just do it.... But it all boils dwn to just plain fear.

[mooneyb1]

And I know that fear well, Addictchick. It paralyzes you into doing nothing.  My addiction was telling me NOT to tell him, that I wouldn't have that "safe place" to come to and hide.   That safe place was me and my addiction to opiates. But I knew when I was ready to tell him, and hopefully you'll experience that too. And when that time comes, you'll know it and have the strength you need to carry it through.  A big hug for you ((Addictchick)) from me.  Blessings, -Bonnie-

[NeverAgain127]

Hi sweetie:  How are you doing?   Don't worry about the three threads..we just wanted to make sure we could find you in the same place!  (wink)

Did you tell your husband?   I can totally understand your fear, but remember, he married you for better or worse, and in sickness and health.   A trick I use sometimes, is to treat people as if they are already acting as if I want them too...so for example, you might say to hubby "I'm so glad you're the kind of person I can be totally honest with. And thank you for being someone who doesn't judge."  (Even if you're not sure about it.)

Just a suggestion.  Our fears are always worse in our imagination than they are in reality.    

Let us know how you are doing...
hugs,
-Robin

[brownvelvet]

I didnt tell my boyfriend but I suspect he knows...I hinted a lot....but never wanted to admit it to him. We were having struggles and I knew I needed to go through withdrawal alone so I left him while I am dealing with the addiction and quite a bit else. I could never quit and go through withdrawal living with him....it is easier living alone for me. I can focus on what I need and not what he needs. He would have been very sympathetic but too self-centered to really be supportive. If you have someone in your life that will be there for you and can understand and love you despite your flaws then that could be a great and wonderful thing. I hope you have that.....

[Addictchick_1983]

I have my told him yet..... But I'm think I will this evening... My kids do aikido karate three days a week. And my husband does the adult class. So we are here still. But I intend on going home putting kids to bed and telling him. I'm scared.... But I know it will be better if I do.... I'll keep y'all posted!
Today has been so long and draining. But I pushed thru... I cant believe it!! But I actually got some stuff done around the house... As well as coming to class with the fam. So... A good horrible day lol

[VICourageous]

Hi Girl.
I just wanted you to know that it was no big deal about all those post. It happens all the time and we end up telling them the same thing. Also watch out for the Old Post with the Hour Glass by the name.

My Hub had always knew what I was up to BUT not to the extent that I had taken it. I was very lucky in this one. I had some Videos all about Addiction and the Brain and so fourth, that I bought back home. My Hub & my Mom both watch a few and they learned a lot about this disease of addiction. I am telling YOU..this saved my ash. He is the one that kept telling me it would take time for those Brain Chems to balance back and fire up (sort of speaking). He did not understand to much about the physical as I rocked & rocked and did not sleep for a few months. My w/ds seem to be a bit different them some. I went c/t from 3 meds and each one hit the Brain the same but also in different areas from each other. This played so much havoc on my Nervous system. It was like I was pulled up, down & all around. However, my  point is that my Hub was the one that kept saying TIME & PATIENCE! If he did not do this I would of thrown in the Towel because I was so confused on this Time frame..Long Time Frame. I did have a Bud on here that was 3-4 m ahead and he just kept telling me that everything I had experienced each month he did too.
I sure hope YOU do tell him. YOU are going to be so relieved and I also think he already knows something is up.

You have come a long way since day one on here. Very Proud of YOU! Keep it up and always keep that Guard Up at all times. This has been a saying around here for a long time and I so agree with it now!

Just know that we can not do this alone! Outside Support is a Big one.
Bless

[NeverAgain127]

Great post, Vickie!!!!!

[meegWpaw]

a-chick you are doing great!  i so hope that you tell him and that he reacts well.  i'll be thinking of you!!!  :)

[Addictchick_1983]

I finally broke dwn and told my husband. He was very supportive. And said we will do whatever it takes. I got your back and am by your side! We will get thru it. I feel so much better having told him. I know that I need him! He is my best friend in this world. There isn't anything I haven't told him... Aside from my dabbling becoming addiction.... We are a good team. And this could have ruined us! And me!! Thank you all for your support and helping me build my courage to get it done! I do feel like everything will be much easier from here. A cake walk.... Prolly not... Lol. But with him on board .... Fight for my life back will be much easier with my best friend and soul mate to lean on. Or text when I'm wanting to cave! I'm so thankful for this place and all of you. Hopfully today will go smooth and I can get thru another day. Thanks again for everything!!
  Much love
               Chels.  

[meegWpaw]

all right!!!!!  so glad it went well.  great news!  you rock!

[Addictchick_1983]

I'm having such a hard afternoon... I cant keep my mind from wandering. I'm trying to stay busy but don't wanna move... Ugh. I feel like I cant handle it.... What. Can I do to help my state of mind?? Ugh.

[ImInAwe]

I am right there with you, Addictchick.. My brain keeps wanting something.... I feel too miserable to move, but too restless to stay still! I'll be praying for you, and I wish I could tell you what to do... But I don't know myself =(

[VICourageous]

Can you go for a walk out in the sun?? Maybe Read or Watch a good Movie. Do you have a Friend who does not use to call. It is so hard to live in our own Head when we are Balancing Back. Support is a must in my opinion right now. That stinken thinken can really get to you!

Hold on Tight!
Bless

[Addictchick_1983]

Thank you-!! I'll pray for you also! Its definitely a rough day.... Gggrrrr. I wish my mind had more control. And I think I'm wrking myself up over it. The mind can only do so much when we have done so much damage. Addiction is definitely my hardest battle in life. Ugh. I just keep telling myself you got this... And you want this!!! And push thru hour by hour.

[Jerry198]

By this weekend you will feel much better it takes time to get back to normal on all fronts so just go one hour or day at a time and this will pass best wishes and great job thus far.