Feeling hopeless

[Alex29]

I have been hooked on oxycodone for a while - i quit cold turkey once for 6 months and then as i started getting back to normalcy in my life - I relapsed. Great !! For while I have wanted to quit and now to me its come down to - what the heck is the point. I don't know why but since i was 17 i have been addicted to something - if its not one thing it is another. I realize I have an addictive personality but am so afraid of telling my parents - my mom will be disappointed and my dad well he won't be happy. When I was 22 I fooled all my friends into believing my story that my dad was sick and I had to move home - everyone thought i was great for doing it. The real reason i went bankrupt at 23 and my parents saved me from myself - my mom a nurse sat with me while i detoxed for several days. I promised i would never do it again - that time i was taking a **** fest of stuff - E, coke, endocet, percs, and smoking weed (never really was a drinker which is suprising to me) Now 8 years later I am in the same boat - ever wish you could go back and say no dam it i dont want those percs. When I was 26 after 4 yrs of being clean i was at a party and began smoking again. Smoking led to taking percs - the high lasted so much longer. Now I have been battling oxycodone for sometime and i don't have the heart to tell my mom. I am not working so i am blowing through my savings to support my habit and I just want to stop but I cant say no.

My question is I know i want to stop, i know i need to stop but what should i do? Should i go to rehab or should i tell my parents? I just feel like a failure................

[cathy5841]

you my friend are not a failure...just an adict caught in the grips of addiction.  either of those options would be great.  some here have gone to rehab other have done it at home...have you ever thought of suboxone?  it maybe an option for you.  i myself have never taken it but many here have and it worked for them.  it is a tool for helping you get clean.  you still have to deal with the issues that cause you to use.  it can be done though.  you just have to do your homework and find the right option for you.  keep reading and posting it will help you.
much luck on your journey
cathy

[mimi1313]

First, relapse is a part of recovery. You only fail if you don't try again. My opinion is you should tell your parents. They sound like they were very helpful the first time. I find it hard to believe they won't be again. Plus you will need the support. Your mom sounds like she was great the first time and being a nurse she may find out before you tell her anyway. Plus this is not worth going broke over.

Good luck and let us know what you do.

Melissa

[lucyred68]

it sounds to me like u need a rehab that teaches you how to avoid this in the future.  Have you ever heard of Teen Challenge?  it is a Bible based resident program that teaches you how to avoid falling into this again and how to live your life productively.  it teaches helping others, contributing to society, etc.  has a very high cure rate.

Lucy

[confused456]

You are not a failure. You have to find the right plan for you to stop. You sound like you really want to do this and this is a great support site. You will find so many great and helpful people. I wish you all the luck in the world.