My Newborn is suffering from withdrawl

[ITALIANQUEENB]

I just had my 4th baby girl 5 days ago. This pregnancy was much harder than the other 3. I was vomiting atleast twice a week the entire time and i was constantly having extreme pain in my lower back and hips among other areas. My daughter was born a few days ago, she was very small compared to the other 3 , they were 7 lbs 9 oz, 7 lbs 14 ounces, and 8 lbs 7 oz, this one, Gemma, was only 5 lbs 5 oz. I told the Drs and nurses right away that i had been prescribed vicodin and percocet for the last 3 years. Vicodin the entire time, plus percocet on and off for extra pain. VICODIN 10 MG not regular or even extra strength. I was hospitalized at 6 months pregnant and put on I.V. MORPHINE for 4 days, and then released with a months supply of PERCOCET 10 MG . I was also under severe stress the entire pregnancy and smoked kind of heavily ( for me atleast ) about half a pack to a pack a day. The hospital said Gemma was ok to go home even though she had become very irratable and had started having watery loose stools . They said the dhiarhea was due to her formula which they switched to isomil the day they released us. The first 8 hrs home she was fine. After that all hell broke loose . She was constantly screaming, pooping every 20 mins, her tiny butt was raw and extremely painful for her to be wiped, she wanted to constantly suck, and her legs and arms were locked up , her muscle tone was just so tight , she could not sleep and if she wasnt being held she was screaming. Because i trusted the Drs opinion I allowed my baby to suffer for an entire day thinking it was stomach pain and that it would go away soon from the formula change then i finally realized what it was and rushed her to the ER . They have admitted her , inserted an IV and started her on ATIVAN AND MORPHINE DILUTED WITH SALINE which they are decreasing that now every 12 hours by 10 % . I am so upset about this. I knew that something like this was a possibility and I tried to quit taking them several times but the pain and sickness was so bad that I just couldnt take it. I put my own pain and suffering concerns above my baby's. I spoke to 2 drs about this and they advised me not to quit , saying that it could damage my child. My baby has been in the hospital for 2 days now and is doing well so far. But I swear every time I think about what I put my poor baby through I literally want to swallow the entire bottle and kill myself, and I hope i really suffer while I die. This was my fault. Gemma was in complete agony that only got worse the first 3 days of her life. I'm worried that when they stop the morphine completely she will have more withdrawl symptoms. Is there anyone out there that has been through this or knows someone that has? If so how did the baby do after detox?  

[readynow81]

Hi. I couldn't not say something after reading this. It truly is a heartbreaking story. I am a mother to a young child myself and I can't imagine how horrified and all the guilt you must feel. As mothers I think we want only good for our children and its hard to accept anytjing else. i guess i was lucky during my pregnancy. i felt the best i have in all my adult life . i guess now is the time to really do some soul searching& figure out if this is yhe life you want for yourself and your baby. please dont tryto medicate yourself through this. you need to feel! i know im only 3 days clean and i dont want to pass judgement on anyone, but i feel SO STRONG, stronger than when taking those garbage pills(percocet). you could carry on with taking pills and maybe one day you will be unfortunate enough to have to seeone of your children accidentally swallow one of your stashes like some others have. OR you could stop this rightnow and get better yourself while baby is recovering. I only say this because I never thought I could do it. I have some spine issues and often find myself with back and hip pain. HOWEVER, since tapering and quitting pills, my pain has decreased! I think our addiction tells us wr are in pain so we will continue to feed it. well, the little demon in me can  just starve now .  I truly wish you the best. What happened does NOT mean you are a bad person or mother.  I just hope you use this experience as a reason to start over, one of the many reasons, but a MAJOR part of it. I also wanted to say that I sincerely hope you are not truly considering suicide.. and this comes from my heart. Three close family members have taken their  own lives and let me tell you from experience how your family, your children, will never truly get over that. it leaves so many feelings in your loved ones; Guilt, anger, depression, and they will forever wonder if they could have made made a difference and changed your mind. Its something that will haunt them, believe me, I know.itps simply selfish. wouldnt you rather be clean, alive, and with your children? please please please consider giving up the pills. this is a wonderful place to get some motivation and guidance. and you CAN do it!  please keep posting. i hope baby gemma is doing okay. you will both be in my prayers. good luck and god bless.

[MzHolly]

How are you and Gemma doing?

[skepticool]

hi all- I just want to say all of you have inspired me with ur comments and experiences. You guys are clearly wonderful people wanting the right things. Thanks for sharing-you never know who might come here in a time of need;)

[tiredofbeinsicktired]

One more thing.

The pills did this to her. Not you, you created her. You gave birth to her. The pills made her sick. Your protecting her. Please don't be angry with yourself. Honestly alot of docters out there are competely out of touch. We believe them because their docters. Listent to your gut and you will be ok.

[tiredofbeinsicktired]

You LOVE your daughter. That in itself makes you a good mother. You were concerned your whole pregnancy and sought advice on what to do. Being pregnant is hard enough, but having intense pain and health problems while pregnant is so much tougher. You were aware of what could happen with your daughter. YOU decided what was wrong and took the initiative to take her to the ER against the advice of the docters. That's GREAT. Really, be happy she is being cared for properly and safely because You knew what was wrong. And if you want to, stop taking this things that have caused you to not enjoy the first few moments with your daughter. She is safe, she is ok. You have other childrenthat need you too. What would happen to them if you were gone. Your needed and loved. Be proud of yourself, despite some serious odds, you just did some great parenting. Hate the pills, not yourself. And if you hate them, get rid of them.

[BrotherFrankie]

huggs

[MzHolly]

you are a wonderful mother for wanting the best for her and giving her the care she needs. my step-sister is in her 9th month trying to wean off the norco the dr gave her and said was ok. She is terrified her baby will be born addicted but she understands this isn't her fault as she was misinformed. She wanted to stop cold turkey once she realized this would affect her baby, but the ER dr (much smarter than her OB) told her how this could harm her baby but told her she could slightly and VERY gradually start weaning, so she's trying her best. Your baby will be healthy and happy once this is over, and this isn't your fault. What happened during pregnancy is over. I smoked during my first pregnancy cuz after coming off klonopin cold turkey when I found out I couldn't seem to quit the smokes. But that's over, right now you're doing everything you can for Gemma and that's what a good mother does.

[throwindatowl]

Please find it in your heart to forgive yourself. You know your daughter would. You are doing what a great mother would. Dont forget that. In afew more days all be well. Dont be hard on yourself. Me as a father have done things that I am NOT proud of. These pills the doctors give us! take hold of the strongest of people. Congrats on your new baby girl. Shes got an awesome mom that wants the best for her. Please keep us posted. I just know soon youll have happy posts for us all to read  and make us all smile. Momma things will  get better please give time a chance.

[livngr8ful]

Hey... That is a heart breaking story.  thank you for posting, it a a very hard thing you just did.  Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I can relate a bit.  A while back when I was using my oldest daughter found some ativan I had hidden (a common addict action).  I forgot  that i even hid them.  She found one and ate it,  She got very sick.  I was in the process of trying to kill myself. I was all ready to do it.  I had my pistol loaded and ready to go. I received a knock on my hotel door. And older man by the name of Tom was standing there.  Mind you I was prepped and ready to go. I would have offed myself in the next minute or so.  He said that he listened into a conversation I was having, with my bank about a large money transfer I was doing.  I was moving alot of money into my wifes account as I wouldn't need it where I was going.  He picked up on just enough to know trouble was on its way and i needed help. He knocked and walked into my room without asking.  He say my gun and picked it up and unloaded it, took it apart and did something with it (to the day I have no Idea).  He talked to me for about 5 minutes, and then packed up all my stuff and took me to my first NA meeting.  Thet day we went to a total of 8 NA or AA meetings. He also put me up at his place for a bit.  This man truly saved my life.  That is not an understatement either.  After time I asked him why.  He told me his story.  He had backed over his grandchild with his truck and killed them.  He was and alcoholic and drunk at the time. He also said he attempted suicide.  He stopped himself because he had other children to at least provide for.  He also said his calling is to help people in hard times. I talk to him about once a month and will do for the rest of our lives. He was not a happy person and carried alot of guilt.  Some people forgave im and others did not.  He is a changed person and I can say he truly saved one persons life.  It may not make good on his actions but he is truly the most caring person I have ever came across.
The reason I am telling you this is because you are not alone.  It may seem as though you are, but you are not.  Your heart is broken.  You also have the ability to not make another mistake like this. I know apologies dont play a part in this situation.  the only thing that you can do is move on and move above this terrible situation.  You will be a great mother.  And you have a story that can save anthers life.  And you have the power to share your story to other s to help them in times like these.  Show your child true strength and be the best mother mad person you can be. this is with all the compassion in the world,  With love, Steven
Pleas keep posting,listening and sharing.  It's not easy but if you can help just one person you may save a life, and not alot of people have this opportunity or ability

Keep in contact with me please.

[bmdad]

I know it's easier said than done but try and calm down. What's done is done. You did the right thing by taking Gemma to the hospital. They have dealt with this before and know what they are doing. The withdrawals are just causing her discomfort but it will subside. What they are doing is tapering her off slowly. Doing this will give her body time to adjust between drops and will help keep her comfortable. I once tapered off of vicodin and felt completely fine during the whole process. I'm sure she will be fine too.
The doctors were right in that it could of harmed the fetus if you just stopped. But if properly tapered everything would have turned out okay. But that is in the past so don't dwell on it.
Killing yourself would just cause Gemma more pain in the future. I'm hoping you aren't actually considering it. Are you still taking the pain pills? If so why not go through withdrawals right along with Gemma? You may have more motivation to quit the pills now then you ever will. Trust me when I say you can't stay on the pills forever. As your tolerance builds your body will keep needing more and more and they will no longer do what they are intended to do. You will then just be taking them to keep from being sick. Opiates weren't intended for long term pain control like so many doctors think. The longer we are on them the more they screw up our heads. The sooner you stop the sooner your brain chemical will balance back out.
We can help you if you are ready to quit. There are some things that can help. Posting here helps so much as there are some wonderful people here that will support and be there for you anytime you need anything.
So how about it?

Brian

[BettiePage]

Hi hun!! I wish you were standing right in front of me and I could give you a big hug!! I myself have 5 children and only smoked with 3 of them. All thought I didnt go through what you did during your pregnancy or what your baby did after the birth, my sister-in-law did. Her baby was in NICU for 3 months from premature birth and being born addicted to morphine. First of all it is not your fault. ANY Doctor would know if a mother who is carrying a baby and on any form of narcotic drug, that the baby is on it too. Hence will be born with some form of addiction. The healthiest and safest way is to do exactly what they are doing, tapering the baby off of the drug. When my sister-in-law would go in everyday, the baby had no pain, withdrawal or anything and by the time he was able to come home was a completely normal, healthy and happy baby. He now is 6 yrs. old and perfectly fine. DONT be so hard on yourself!!!! We as patients can only go by and trust what our doctors and hospital staff tell us. God Bless and keep your chin up!!!! It will be ok!!!