pregnant, addicted, and terrified...help?

[june07]

i never thought that i would have the courage to post here, but so many others have, so why not me. i am 23 weeks pregnant and falling apart. i'm addicted to lortabs. i found out that i was pregnant at 5 weeks and then went through an awful detoxing phase believing that it was only a phase and that i would come out on the other side healthy and ready to be a proud mommy. instead, i am ashamed and terrified and feel undeserving of the blessing of a child. i was clean for about six weeks, but i never got better. the excruciating part of the detoxification had passed, but the physical discomfort, such as the achiness, and lack of energy, and claminess, and emotional and mental anxiety only sustained itself and never went away. i was living in out of state keeping touch with my family via e-mail so i never had to face anyone during this time. before i knew it, we were back home and it was the beginning of the holidays and i could not stay cut off from my family like i had before because they would start to wonder what was wrong with me. so, that's where i am now, having taken two or three lortab 10 a day for the last 2 and a half months. i know that i am hurting my baby. the guilt and shame are eating me alive, but i'm afraid to come clean with my doctor. does anyone know what thier protocol is? Would they involve child services who would try to take my baby once s/he is born? That's my ultimate fear, that's what is keeping me from getting help. will i lose medicaid? and when i do come clean, how can they help me to deal with the problems that i face without the pills, i don't know how to live that way. i've used every excuse under the sun to rationalize what i'm doing, such as the fact that my sister is 2 pregnant and her doctor prescribes them to her for a back condition and the fact that the FDA rates them a category C  drug in pregnancy, but all that is a cover up because there is no excuse for me. i know that it's not something that i can go back and fix if something is wrong and i know that i will not be able to live with myself if something is wrong with my baby, but i don't know what to do....anyone have any advice???  

[runt316]

I'm not too good on how/where to correctly post comments, so I hope this one get through! You are definitely not alone.  I myself am pregnant & addicted to norcos. I've been trying to taper down, but sometimes get discouraged that I'm just taking too long & running out of time. It's so easy to start to feel isolated & scared w/ no one to talk to, but this forum really helps. The support & encouragement are amazing. You can try to taper yourself & since you're not taking so many a day, it should be no problem to be finished before your baby is due. Trust me, I know exactly how you are feeling. I feel it everyday.

[misslivin]

hi, I am pretty much in the exact same boat you are in, except I also have a four year old. The confusion in her eyes kill me, hopefully you can get in under control before you get there. I don't have much advice, I am here for the same reason.  All I can say is I'm glad (although that sounds awful) to see someone in the same boat as me and was thinking, maybe somehow, we can help eachother out by sharing our ups and downs and maybe even find energy to talk to eachother during withdrawls.

[IBKleen]

I cannot help you with this hun...I have never been pregnant, but I do agree. Post only once and ask all your questions here. You will miss advise by posting more than once. It is very late on sunday night and most folks are in bed. Please be patient.

[toxictome]

Stick with one post so people can follow you. I answered your previous post...look there

[GoingToMakeIt]

Let's keep it to your other post so we all don't get confused.

[confused456]

I feel for you. I have 3 children of my own and fear losing them also. I do not want anyone of my friends or family to know except the ones who are addicted themselves. And they could care less as long as they have their own meds.......Sorry I have no real advice other than do not beat yourself up because it will make it worse for you....my opinion. You need to realize that you want to stop for you and your unborn child.....that is the first step. Surround yourself with people that have a positive attitude and who love you to ease your agony. Hope I was of some help to you.