On my way to a funeral for one who did not make it........

Question

Here I am 15 days vicodan free and on my way to a funeral tonight for a man that grew up down the street from me, Found a fentnyl patch in his throat when they pulled his breathing tube out after pulling life support. My mom was giving me updates on this man when I was in hospital detoxing. Funny (OR MAYBE NOT SO), but when I was detoxing, I really, for awhile there, felt I was gonna die, figured he would make it. Kinda puts everything in perspective though, doesn't it? Suddenly doesn't seem so dire that I am not sleeping, that I still don't "feel right" or that I lost my job through this craziness! I am still here, fighting this thing with everyone here. I will continue to fight, forever.....but it does bring a clarity to why I am fighting! I probably should have posted this on the social side... but maybe a newcomer can read and see how dire the situation can become......Congrats to all of us that have quit before it got to that! My thoughts and prayers to everyone who cant find the courage to take the step.

scaredoutofmymind333 · Answer

he was a friend, but no...we were not close. If I ran into him, we would stop and talk awhile, but I never called him up and partied with him. The patch was found in his throat when it was decided to pull life support after a few days of a coma. The docs speculate that he was either sucking or chewing the patch and choked on it. He was prescribed the patches, so when they tested him for drugs....they didn't test for fentynl. They were very suprised to have found it in his throat. It was a very sad night last night, to say the least. He was the second youngest of a family of 14 kids. I grew up with most of the "kids", although some were all ready married and left home when I moved into the neighborhood. It was bittersweet to see people I havent seen in 20 years under those circumstances. But it does give me pause and make me rethink my life a little.....

scaredoutofmymind333 · Answer

Thank you for ur thoughts and I did check out "I am grateful". Thank you! Last night reaffirmed for me that I do take so many things for granted, and also the fact that as an addict, I need to get some patience. God willing, sleep and my general good health will come back in his time, at least I am still here to complain about it! I might have to find a job, but that is just a small problem compared to the ultimate price that I could have paid.

scaredoutofmymind333 · Answer

CONGRATS!!!!! Like sara says, that was a huge step to take! I know that when I came clean with everyone about my use a couple weeks ago, it was the most freeing moment in my life. I am very happy that my post gave you a little nudge in the right direction! Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing....you will find so much support from the people on this site!

dominosarah · Answer

Congrats on taking that step to freedom!!  That was huge~~~~sara

Punkinhead75 · Answer

Spirituality forum under topic "I am grateful"  Check it out:)

Punkinhead75 · Answer

Hi scared,  Sorry to hear about your neighbor.  This is the sad truth about our disease.  I totally identify with you in regards to having things put into a new perspective.  There are so many things we take for granted in our daily lives.  Learning to take a moment to stop and say "thank You" has been a big part of my recovery.  In the spirtuality forum there is a post that shines a light on the positive side of things.  I'll double check to make sure that is where I read it.  Anyway,  loss and funerals can be triggers for some.  Please stick close to your recovery and stay in touch.  God Bless!!!!!

sky_is_the_limit · Answer

Sorry for your loss. I know exactly how it feels to lose someone close. 2 of my best friends OD on drugs within the past 6 years. We are here for you and keep you head up.


                                                                                                       sky_is_the_limit

Back_2_life · Answer

So sorry for your loss. But today as I drove to my docs to finally tell on myself I was struggling with it. But while in hid office waiting I came on here with my phone and saw this post and suddenly the battle in my mind ceased. If I don't tell him today I will die too is all that kept going through my mind. I was strongly reminded by reading thuis post of what I stand to lose if I keep going. My life and my Kids lose a mom. No way, not gonna happen. I went in and told him and felt huge relief when I left. Lifes too precious to be thrown away on pills.

Ballgame · Answer

Was he a friend?  Why was te patch in his throat?

scaredoutofmymind333 · Answer

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers...I really wasn't that close with him, but it hit me harder than normal because he died at the hands of our disease. I was sitting here thinking of all the lines I crossed in my addiction, that I said "I will NEVER do that, or be that bad!" Found myself doing exactly what I thought I would never do. I realize that it could very well be me in the coffin, I was acting very dangerous to my health the last few weeks of using. And it has made me calm down and realize that so what, I am not sleeping or so what, I don't "feel right" yet? I am still here and fighting for my life....made me realize even more that what I am fighting for here is my life! Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers and support through all of this!

janet19 · Answer

I lost a lifelong friend last year and still today I think of him and all the fun times we had. It is hard to accept these things, no should ever have to die this way. Makes me thankful that I found my way back before it was to late for me.

I am so sorry to hear about your neighbor and friend. Now you know for sure why you are fighting for you life. I send my prayers to you and to your friends family. So sad to be taken so young.

FassFeat · Answer

I am glad that you are doing OK. Sorry about the loss. It always makes us look at life from a different perspective. I went to a funeral last week, the young man was much younger than I and died by his own hand..... It does add perspective and gives us pause to be thankful. I am so happy to hear that you are still doing good. Keep it up. God Bless.  Andrew

IBKleen · Answer

I am so sorry to hear of your neighbor. Learn from this..it could have been you. I hope this scares you as it did me. And I mean that in a positive way. 

I am sorry he had to die at the hands of this disease and I will pray for the people he left behind.

jerry4664 · Answer

A great friend of mine died out of the blue on 9-7-10 I have his picture on the wall of my office miss him every day and as I taper from my NORCO addiction all the great times we spent together seem to be more vivid to me now hope you feel better and sorry about your friend..

ang_811 · Answer

its always hard when we loose someone close to us. im so sorry to hear of ur loss. its really sad when i here about sum1 loosing this battle to this diesase. it really breaks my heart..its a brutal way of showing us and reminding us what we r fighting for...ur probally feeling emotions u havent felt for awhile. dont keep them bottled up and know its ok to let urself cry. keep posting during this process as i know how hard it can be to deal with these emotions when ur so new in ur recovery. keep up the fight and congrats on ur 15 days.

dominosarah · Answer

I am so sorry about your loss.  This is the reality to this addiction and some pay the ultimate price.  So tragic.  Many times it is hard to find positive things out this but you have.  Let yourself feel the emotions during this time......My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and you~~~~sara