Why isn't it ending

[SouothofAtlanta]

I'm a 38 female who has been on hydro for a year and a half.  I have been taking hydro for arthritis pain that resulted in two hip surgeries.  Even though I still have pain, I cannot stay on hydro.  I rationalize taking the drugs even when I have no pain - the dr said take one every six hours - so I took them even when I was having a great day.  Well, for 14 days now I haven't taken any.   I've been in some moderate pain here an there, and some severe pain once of twice.  The withdrawls were awful for about 4 days and things were much on day 13.  The problem is day 14 seems to be as bad as day 5 or six.  Why does it get worse every few days!  I know I could get a refil if I wanted it....I was taking three 10/650's a day - I know, not an extreme amount.  Part of me wants to get a refil for the really bad days....but my will power is not good.  I will take them even when I have no pain.  I worked through this with benadryl at nights to help sleep - that was a great help.  I just want these final symptoms to go away.  I suffer from depression that is a result of the arthritis diagnosis and this is making my depression worse.  I'm trying to hide it from my husband and daughter - even tho they know what I'm dealing with.  I don't want them to think i can't beat this.  I've read through the posts dating back seven years ago and I can relate to all of them....but today I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel like I did on day 5....How long will this last?  

[peaceinknowing]

I hope I don't step on anybody's toes when I say the following, but there's a big part of me that feels the need to say what I'm about to right now. I read through this entire thread of posts then handed the laptop over to my husband and told him to point out what he thought was wrong with the picture I was getting. In other words, I wanted to make sure that what I was noticing something that wasn't really there or making something out of absolutely nothing. Immediately, he mentioned the same thing I thought to myself as I read through some of the responses. Allow for me to explain:

In this thread, Lucy states how she doesn't understand how and/or why someone gets addicted to pain pills. A few sentences later, she informs us that she's a nurse and has several patients who are enduring the same things.

Here's my thing: This is the very reason why a lot of people/patients are freightened by the mere thought of approaching their healthcare team about being dependant and/or addicted to pain pills. A lot of us fear that our doctors aren't as educated on addiction as we'd hope they would be for them to understand what we're going through at that specific time. I completely have the upmost level of respect for Lucy in coming forward with her concerns, though. I thank you for the bottom of my heart in taking that leap of faith and trust in/with us so that we can help you understand; But I hope it makes sense to some of the other members here that this is a crucial part of our recovery that is being overlooked by doctors at times, where we get to the point where we "clam up" when it comes to approaching them about being addicted. A lot of the employees within the medical field just don't have the knowledge to understand why it happens. Unfortunately, it's just the way addicts are and I agree with that statement that was made above.

When I went to my PCP and informed him that I felt as though I was becoming dependant/addicted to the pain pills he was prescribing me every two weeks, it was almost as though he shivered at the thought that this could've been happening to someone he'd been treating for the amount of time that he had been. Well, it happened! What did he do about it? He told me to go somewhere to get help because he wasn't going to assist me through any of it. This was something that he had no knowledge of, even though I later learned from the office manager there at their establishment that I wasn't his only patient who'd complained about this to someone. It really allows for you to stop and take a look at what addicts are dealing with as well, and not just the doctors and medical teams alone. I'm not blaming my medical team for what happened to me, trust me. I made the decision to keep taking the pills when I had them even if there wasn't any pain at that particular moment. I still feel as though I was being my own advocate [which is what a lot of the members here have always told me to be in this situation] and yet my PCP wouldn't stand up and be my "right hand man" through everything, and why....?  Because he knew nothing about the disease.

Sigh.. Just felt like throwing that out there.

Lucy -- Again I thank you for coming forward with that, and I am sincerely apologetic to what happened to you and your family in the loss of a sibling. That HAD to be hard on you, and you're in my prayers as well as thoughts, trust me. Unfortunately no two addicts are the same. We all might seem like we go through the same exact things, but we don't. The reason I became addicted to the pills [Percocet] was because I felt like I could do anything when I took them. My pain went away, which was important. But another aspect of everything was the fact that I felt like I was on top of the world. I always had a clean apartment and food cooking when my husband got home -- whereas when I wasn't on the pills, I had a lot of fatigue. It's weird.

[tommm70]

Ladylucy,

Because addiction is a disease. Just like diabetes, it is with us for life. The lizard part of our brain (limbic system) will tell our mind to do and say whatever you have to to an active user. If left untreated, it WILL continue to consume us until we are in jail, in an asylum, or dead.

Now then, just like diabetes, we can live a long normal life if the right precautions and steps are taken.  Until I accepted this as a disease, I kept relapsing. But through proper education, Pills Anonymous, and my friends and family, I am clean 8 months. I know I always have to be on my toes as I could always relapse, but thats the life I am forced to live.

We can make NO mistakes about this disease. One refill at a time, it is killing us.

[SouothofAtlanta]

So far so good.  I finally talked to my boss today and told him what I'm working through.  They have noticed that I've been more quiet lately and several people have asked if I'm ok.  I have three close friends that I can talk things through with, but they have never had this issue and I'm not sure they really grasp the pain that is involved with the shame and withdrawls.  

My boss was great.  Told me to do as much as I could at work and if I was having a bad day where I had to go home and work through it, just to let him know.  He was proud of me...he's been there with me through the diagnosis and the surgeries.  He could have easily told me to suck it up, but he didn't and for that I'm very thankful.  

The blues hit hard today and I left about 2 hours early.....I need to get through this before my husband and daughter come home.  It's so hard because the athritis prevents me from getting on the floor with my daughter.  She understands because she can see the pain I go through getting up and down.  It's just not easy for a 5 year old to understand that her mommy's hips don't let her do certain things.  Damn all of this *****.

[123456m]

Good post Ga guy. That about sums it up. The genes is what alters the brain chemistry. If and when they find the addict gene then they can givie the person the correct amino acid profile to get the chemistry to normal. Non addicts have much more of a steady and even flow of natural endorphins. A non addict will not take a opiate for long because they do Not like the feeling it gives them and messes up there natural feelings which they have and like.
Peace

[laceylucy3]

Good Luck! I hope you get off and stay off.

[SouothofAtlanta]

I have been on cymbalta for about a year now.  With the cymbalta and hydro, life is GREAT!   Take the hydro out and the cymbalta makes each day work (at least this far through the withdrawls - I know it will ultimately get better)  I have to tell you this was my choice....I have seen several of my friends go down this road and have seen at least two resort to dr. hopping and prescription forgery.  I don't think my constitution would let me commit a law violation, but I also said that I'd never get addicted.....so who knows.  That's why I wanted to try this ---typing about it where someone would answer back.  I could very easily call my Dr. in the am and get a refil...Im over my refill date by a week now.  I tossed the last 26 or so I had when I decided to quit...I knew that I couldn't keep them in the house and still pull this off.

[GA Guy]

You never will understand it. It's the way an addict thinks. Through genetics and a differing brain chemistry than the average person, we're predisposed to become addicts. I liken it to a beast inside our heads that "wakes up" when the right chemicals hit it. That's why some people become addicts while others do not.

[laceylucy3]

How do people get addicted to pain meds like this? I was on lortab 10 and valium 10 every six hours for 6 weeks after an injury . As soon as I go a steroid shot in my neck I never took another one and didnt have any problems with withdrawal. This is a serious question- I am not putting anyone down. I really want to understand. I am a nurse who has multiple patients with this problem and my brother died of an overdose last year after being an addict for 15 years. I just cant understand it.

[avisg]

cuz your body wants its fix and its trying to convince you that you need them fight you way threw it .It will get better .try exercising it will really help.

[GA Guy]

Honestly...it can last a while. I'm amazed sometimes at how us addicts expect to abuse medications for years and want to feel normal (or our perverted version anyway) immediately. You will feel better as time goes by. For some people it takes weeks, some take months, and others battle it for years afterwords. A lot of people that battle this for extended time periods have underlying depression or anxiety issues that drive them back to the pills. The simple answer people will give you on here is "soon". I wish it were that simple. MOST of the physical withdrawals will be gone around the month mark for most people. They psychological goes on indefinitely. That's why aftercare is so important.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I wish I could give you a magic answer, but everyone is different. Some people are done in 5 days, some take a month. Our systems are so different that there is no way to tell.

If you can get through the pain at this point, please try without getting a refill. You will only end up back where you are now and it will never end for you.

Please hang in there and I promise, it does get better.

[123456m]

Have you seen a doctor about your depression. Sounds like you might need some AD meds. You are completley clean at day 14 but now its mental not physical. If you want to kick this for good you need to treat the pain with a non narco and do something about your depression. If you go back and take even one you will begin this all over again 100% sure on that.

I am on day 41 of being clean off opiate use and I still feel like hell on some days.
It can take months to get those natural endorphins to wake up and feel really good again. A good SSRI may help a lot right now. Also make sure you excercise every day. If you do not have a pool go to gym with a pool and get in the water movement will help a lot.
Peace