I am quitting Oxycodone cold turkey in 2 days and terrified of the depression!!

[HereWeGo1974]

I have been reading all the posts and comments on this site for days and hours and have lined up for time off work. I am going shopping for supplements and Immodium, magazines. I am going to clean the house, all the sheets and pillow cases and get ready to just STOP!!!  I am not looking forward to the physical pain and discomfort but I am terrified of the depression and lack of motivation and how long that is going to last once the detox is done. Nobody seems to know how long that lasts. I am in sales and need to be "on" all the time. The reason I am quitting is because if the chronic use, I am totally depressed now and am NOT the same happy go lucky person I've always been. Making people laugh, just fun to be around. I want the old me back and have the organic happy me back!!  I have been on 100 mg (more at certain times) of Oxycodone a day for almost 4 years. Anyone have advice on how long the depression and lack of motivation is going to last?  When will I want to turn the music up in my car again???

[HereWeGo1974]

Okay so here I am on my first full day clean. I took my last 2 yesterday morning and flushed the rest. I sobbed when I flushed them because it was so final. Like saying good bye to a friend. Then I felt really good about it. I cried before bed last night just for feeling so guilty about the kind of person I have been and how much I have not accomplished because of my addiction. I think this is going to be more of an emotional journey than anything else. I will keep posting as l know this will only get worse from here. Thanks for everyone's post and kind words. It really means so much!  Xoxx

[Cricketk92]

Yes, that was me too!!!  I have been that lazy, not caring person for the last 2 years!  I havent accomplished anything or done anything worthwhile in 2 years!  Im surprised I was able to keep my job being so lax about life!  I have a 22 year old son so luckily he has his own life and wasnt totally subjected to my attitude about life!  You are not alone!  And look how many of us quit for the same reason!!  Keep posting!  It helps so much!!!!  Hang in there!  Karen

[ScarrieAnne]

I quit a 3 year Suboxone habit for the same reasons as you, I have a young child and just didn't enjoy anything anymore, I felt numb to anything good or bad, just a non person. I felt like a horrible mother, even though my child is well taken care of , I didn't feel present for her. I am now 46 days clean off of the subs. It has a been a long and at times brutal process and Im still going through it, however, I see the light now, every day gets better and better, and for me after that first month, I really started noticing a difference. The physical symptoms are gone, now it is the sleep issues (which will get better) and trying to stay positive and re learn how to live without my crutch. It does take time and ultimate patience, but when you are ready, and you know you are, it is doable, and always remember it could be worse. You are not alone, Opiates are opiates and all us of going through it are here for each other, and if youre having sleepless nights, chances are Im up and on here, usually by 3am central time. I wish you the best, you've taken the first step and its going to be okay. I would like to reiterate what neveragain said, if your dr is aware or you have another dr, definitely reach out to them, my sub dr gave me no advice, help or meds to get me through, he wasnt getting his cash anymore, so he was done with me! I think having a dr, you can talk to and receive help from if needed will make a big difference. XOXO Carrie

[Ndetox]

I'm right there with you girl! I'm SO tired of feeling sick and tired even though I should be feeling great with all the Roxy that I shoved up my nose. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm also trying to stop and not look back. I have failed a million times and I'm so over it. I'm mad at myself for letting this happen. I'll be on this Journey at the same time as you...

[HereWeGo1974]

I also have a child and feel like we used to do SO MUCH together. Now I have to pull motivation out of me to get out and about. I feel horribly guilty. Just want to sit and watch tv once everything is done. It's awful!!!! And has gone on for way too long. So sick of feeling so LAZY!!  It's not me at all. So tomorrow will be first true day of detox. Good luck to you too!  Just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one quitting because it has made me depressed and unmotivated in the worst way!  Thanks everyone for your comments and support. Will be checking in. Xo

[Karenlovesher4]

Exact reason I quit! I'm just now 4 days in, but have been tapering two months now. My turning pointwas looking through my hope chest. I have four kids the oldest is almost 14, my twins 11 and my youngest 9. I noticed that I have SO MANY crafts and pictures and things of the kids. I used to be the room parent for at least one of my kids each year. And, then I realized for almost two years now I have almost NOTHING from my kids. And, not b/c they didn't make them. I finally put two and two together.. and the same time I became addicted to these pills I stopped taking pictures of the kids, I stopped saving all of those momentos, I stopped being involved in my kids school.. instead my full time job was a pill. Whether counting, or dr's appts, or obtaining.. i was fully immersed in a pill. And, after a couple of months it was no longer b/c I was hurting (b/c for the longest time I told myself that was why I defended my pill habit) but just to get through the day without feeling like death. I am like you. I want my old life back. I want my kidsto have THEIR Mom back. And, I will makeit happen one way or another. Best of luck! You're in my thoughts!

[HereWeGo1974]

Hi everyone. I'm here. Today is the day that I begin my withdrawal.  I have the time, which is going to be 8:00 pm and that is when I will be flushing all of the existing pills down the toilet. I am so afraid of doing that but I absolutely have to!  I never ever want to look back from here. I just wanted to see if anyone was the same. The reason I decided to stop after a 4 year (thought it was 3 but I think it's closer to 4) addiction is because I completely stopped enjoying life. Since about a year and a half ago, the euphoria was gone and was taking just to get through the day. Would try and take more but that didn't help at all. The part that got me excited and wanting to keep taking them was long gone. But the question is, did any of you decide to stop because you were totally unmotivated in life, didn't want to go and do the things you used to like?  I used to be so happy all the time and make people laugh and like I said, about a year and a half ago, that all changed and I don't even recognize the person I have become. Am I alone in that?  It's the main reason I am going cold turkey and never looking back. I want my old life back!!!

[Pollyanna7]

I have been off of hydro's for 11 weeks. You can do this!!!! It was brutal but worth it. Let us know how you are doing

[Krissy_123]

Hey herewego1974,I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? Haven't seen you post. Hope all is good. xox

[ready4btr]

Hello!  I applaud you for your commitment to quit. I have tried several times to quit but this time feels different. I think it's because I'm ready and I'm tired of being a slave to pills. I have been snorting perc (oxycodone) for about 2 1/2-3 years) and was up to 5-7 10mg/day. I am 13 days clean of pills but have been taking a small amount (2 mg) of suboxone just to get some time in between the last pill. I only have enough subs to get to Christmas so I'll probably be ringing in the new year going through withdraws but I'll be clean and that's what I long for!  I wish you all the best and keep posting!  I could use some support too!  
Take care!!

[kellygirll]

i am 99 days clean off a 15 year steady stint of opiate abuse and I'm 49 i went to rehab for 30 days and in my second week i was CRAVING music my hubby sent me a radio and i LOVED it laid on my bed every day listening to it  very therapeutic and music sounds different and feels different too in a great way i felt pretty crappy for at least the first month outta rehab i immediately went back to work 7 days a week for the next 7 weeks pure misery it was AWFUL i now take 2 days off a week and I'm feeling so much better so I'm not sure if it was just the time i was feeling better or decreasing my work load anyways i went on wellbutrin an AD while in rehab and it has helped so much with the depression i feel a little  better every day i am able to put more feeling good days together now than feeling bad it just takes time which ***** but its what we gotta do theres no magic solution to not feel crappy we did so much damage to our body and brain that it needs time to heal oh and also get some organic cold pressed virgin coconut oil and put a few tablespoons in tea or oatmeal or something hot every day when i started doing that i did notice a difference in the way i felt energy increased and i just started to feel better I've been doing that for a month or so....best of luck to you congrats on making that hard decision to quiit finally and keep us posted!!!

[NeverAgain127]

Hi honey:    We are similar;  I too oxycodone for 8 years...I'm on day 74 and the depression is a problem.  I am also in sales, and I know well how much being "on" counts.

Does your primary care doctor know about this?  My meds were prescribed, so I kept my doctor in the loop about detoxing, going off them, etc.   I am over most of the physical stuff now...it's the depression and low energy that are setting in, but not bad enough that I cannot work.  Also, it's winter here, and I always get sad around Christmas, so that is part of it too.

I wouldn't worry about the long term affects right now...just focus on getting your first 2 weeks under your belt.   100 mgs a day is a high dose; I urge you to post here often, and don't be afraid to call your doctor if you get too sick.  

I dont' want to scare you; if you are healthy, and in your forties (I'm assuming 1974 is your birthyear) you will go thru the normal withdrawal stuff, and it will be pretty yukky for the first week, better the 2nd, and you'll be in the home stretch by the 3rd.   That being said, I did call my doc on day 5 or 6 because I was having blinding headaches and he prescribed something for my BP (which is normally ok, but can fluctuate during w/d's.)

Good luck, and congrats on this decision!

Hugs,
-Robin

[Cricketk92]

Good morning!  I am with you in spirit!  Im on day one and can relate to wanting "real life" back!!!  You got some great advice above!  Hang in there!  We can do this!!!!  

[Krissy_123]

I think it really just helps me mentally more than anything. I haven't had ac/dc or Metallica blaring yet....but I'm sure that time will come again soon. Lol ;)

[keek36]

Hey I am 3 days off of a 12 year stint with tramadol.  Being that it's an opiate and ssri I feel the same way! !! I have to be witty and on my toes with customers and I am afraid I can't be that way anymore.  I guess I just wanted to say you are not alone.  

[HereWeGo1974]

Krissy - you are at day 18 and are grooving to music??  That is a great sign and gives me hope. :)

[HereWeGo1974]

Oh my gosh!!!  Thanks you guys for writing and for the advice and kind words. I am SO ready to put this behind me. I will always be disappointed in myself for letting this happen. I just cannot wait to smile and laugh authentically again and have a clear head and clear eyes. All those silver linings!!  I will for sure be posting as I start and updates every single day what i am experiencing. Thanks again. Xoxo

[Krissy_123]

Oh and to your music question....it's a big part of what's gotten me through this. I love listening to music. So it's on in the house or on my head phones and yes,even loud in the car. :)

[Whollymolythathurt]

Hi HereWeGo - your situation is a lot like mine was.  It's good you prepped and did some shopping.  Also a wise choice to take some time off work.  Now most people here will tell you the mental part of quitting is harder than the physical...and this is true.  What's also true is everyone is different as far as both the mental and physical is concerned.  I have been off hydro for 4 mos and I still have moments of wishing I had some.  But I don't want it for the high or euphoria, it's more so because I have young kids and they want to play on the floor all the time.  I have considerable back & knee issues and am generally in pain all the time...although actually less than when I was on the hydro.
I've read, as you have too I'm sure that it can take a year for all the mentals to work out.  If I hadn't had all these surgeries and subsequent pain I wonder if the mental aspect would be any different...who knows.
I wish you luck and keep posting.

[Krissy_123]

From what I've learned it's different for everyone,so it's hard to answer that. I'm at day 18 of an 11 year oxy use. I'm still not sleeping great. I've taken nothing other than vitimans and I did take imodium the first few days. I still have lack of energy and I don't think I will ever be the person I was? I was 23 when I started taking the pills 11 years ago. That person is long gone. Even if I wasn't using I'd have still changed in 11 years. So right now I'm just living day by day and learning who I am right now as a person. Mentally I feel a bit better than day the first week as well. I've been told after care is a must as well. I haven't done that yet,but I will. You will be ok,and will all be here pulling for you!! xox

[VICourageous]

Hi & Welcome
There is so much to bouncing back and many factors why..Health, Age, How many Years of drug use besides prescribed meds, How many mgs a day and if you have taken more then one med..Like a cocktail of meds.

I came clean back in 2012 off of Methadone and I was snorting it with Adderral at the end. I do not have adhd so it would get me going like my old crank days. I would take a benzo at night to come down..Being that I started to use and drink at the age 14 and came clean at 56 it did take me a long time. The physical went on with many stages and the mental came in last. I had so many hurtful things happen in my 18months that the loss of alot of my family at once sent me back both physical and mental so that was one reason it took so long. Then in my 23 m I had to have a Heart Procedure. So my sick heart had alot to do with bouncing back. It took me almost 2 yrs to feel the Brain balance out the Chems, hormones and transmitters due to my long drug use. I was told by a professional that it would take at least 2 yrs. I have around 2 yrs and almost 4 months now and I am starting to finally feel good. NOW this should not be YOU!!! I had alot of setbacks and Health issues I was not aware of. I can not tell you how long becasue I do not know your Hearth issues, but I will say the the better you eat and the Healthier you eat the better you will feel..The vit/min are good but they do take time to kick in..My room looks like a health food store even if I order alot of pure vit/min. I know this took time and now I can feel the difference.
The depression will take awhile because it takes time for all the Brain wiring to balance back after the removal of these stims..Time & Patience is a BIG one..It will move like a turtle at first but with alot of patience you will notice you are feeling better & better each day..The clarity of thinking right with a real brain instead of a pill brain is just Awesome..Make sure you try to eat alot of Berries too and/or any fruits or veg that have antioxidants in them..These help flush the toxins out. One big thing I have always liked is my Lemon water..You can add just a drop or pinch of sea salt and this will help you stay hydrated..NOW exercise and ANY is good..This helpeds to bring back up the Endorphins,serotonin,gabba and nor-epinephrine. These are just a few that different drugs hit. There are foods that you can eat to keep the Dopamine up too..It has all been Scientific proven on what goes on in the brain when we drink or use. Meanwhile plenty of baths with the Epsom salts and if you have trouble sleeping do not fight it..Just make sure the room is dark and cool and turn off all little lights. This will all take time and soon you will be on the other side of that Mountain where the Grass is greener.
Just know that the Detox is the easy part (yes it is uncomfortable) but working on staying clean is where the work really begins. I do wish you all the Luck and I am sure more people will chime in. We come in and out like waves these days. Be Safe, Be Good and always keep that Guard Up at all times.
Bless