Oxycodone withdrawls coming up & so scared HELP

[2much2soon]

My first post..I've been lurking on these boards for about 6 months to prepare to quit.I thought I had noboby.I finally confessed to a friend b/c I needed her help(i'll explain that in a min)she was totally shocked!I've been trying to find the right time.I know that sounds like an excuse but let me explain.a few years ago my husband was blown up in a mortar attack in Iraq.almost a year in the hospital all over the US with me by his side, he survived and is truly a miracle!he came home and I had to teach him to talk,swallow,eat, give him IV meds and like 2 different meds a day b/c he has a brain injury on top of many other issues. I have to shower,dress him,take 100% care of him.he can't be left alone to me to even go to the store.I'm his only full time caregiver(besides a CNA that comes in a few hours a week to help me) needless to say I must of did it all on adredline only b/c I was exhausted.well about a year ago a friend turned me on to a few oxycodones.AKA EVILS(that's what I call them)they were great, I had a ton on energy, was able to get everything done for my hubby, my house ect. To make a long story short I take as many as 10 a day sometimes now. they don't give me energy anymore and when I've tried to quit the withdrawls are so bad after a day i take them again just to function so I cantake care of my hubby.No, I don't take my hubby's meds he's on other stronger stuff. I usually buy them and have a script from a shady doctor. I hate to say it but if my hubby had them I'd probably "borrow" some if I couldn't find them on my own. well like I stated at the beginning I finally told a friend b/c I need her to take care of him while I detox. we have it planned for next week b/c of many factors.I'm so scared! I hate these fricking pills!!I haven't been able to do it b/c my hubby relies on me to basically live. I even have to transfer him to his wheelchair so there was no way I could do this before.my hubby's very supportive as he can be. he feels bad he can't take care of himself for me to do this..I need advice and support PLEASE! I have my friend to take care of him and she's the only one who knows. what do I tell the CNA that comes in to help?just tell her I have the flu?I got things from the "thomas recipe" plus a few other things people have suggested.I'm going to use xanax for the sleep and anxiety and I have neurotin from a friend for the RLS. I know everyones different but how long b4 I can fuction?I also have a company I run that I haven't worked out the details how to "dodge" people for a week.I'm also so scared about the mental stuff everyones talking about.what kind of mental stuff??I already have some depression and seconadary PTSD from my situation that I think I was also self medicating with the "evils" I feel like such a loser to let myself get like this.I'm also scared I can't do this.I'm told i'm a strong person for what I've been thru already but I feel this is going to be harder than anything I've ever done.please, any extra advice would be great. can you please tell me a play by play what to expect each day even though eveyone is different.I told my "dealer" that i quit and I cancelled my shady doc appointment.my friend is gonna write everything down so maybe I can help someone else if I make it thru this.Her and I are have been doing alot of research and need any help anyone wants to share. I'm also scared I'm putting alot on my friend to take care of my hubby & possibly my company for a whole week.everyone says they don't know how I do it and they don't even know I'm on drugs too..do you think I'll need my friends help for a whole week?I'm freaking out and I haven't even started the detox...my other worry is my hubby..I still have to prepare so much for her to take care of him like his med list,showering him,what he likes to eat, stuff he can have and not have...I'm trying to find someone to run the company for a week so she doesn't have to do that too..ok i've rambled enough..I'm open for suggestions..one more concern like i said I started taking them for energy..how long b4 my natural energy returns? I'm going to take the supplements from the thomas recipe..Please pray for me that I can do this, not relapse and no one finds out what a piece of crap I am...

[kmb22]

how are you doing????

oh can i suggest, you should delete any contacts that you have relating to pills, i think that would really really help you.

keep posting about how you're doing.

my name is kim by the way.

[bmdad]

You have a great plan in place and that is a good start. Kmb gave some great advice as well as the others. Even though something came up with your business don't let that veer off your plan. Many have worked through withdrawals and so can you. I once went through withdrawals working 12 hour days 7 days a week. Granted, it wasn't easy, but it actually helped keep my mind off of how bad I was feeling. Many of us will say and I'm sure you will agree that there is never a good time to quit. If it's not one thing, it's another. Just stick to you quit date and push through. You will make it. No one here has given up on you. No one here will judge and we have no right to. We have all been or still are in your shoes. We are one big happy family here that will be here for you no matter what the outcome.
You are a very strong person for all that you have endured in the past and present. I also served in Iraq and have some close friends that were seriously injured. I've been around them and their loved ones who are caring for them. Even though I've seen and been around it I can't imagine what you're dealing with. Just use the strength that you have and turn it in to a positive. For every negative there are always some positives. Sometimes you just have to look for them. But you will eventually find them.
I'm pulling for you and I know that you will beat this. Just hang in there and keep a great mental attitude. I feel that 90% of it is mental. Stay positive and stay motivated and it will make this journey much easier.
Best of luck to you!!! If you need anything, please let me know!

Brian

[Lisahhh]

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!! You ABSOLUTELY can do this!!!!

[2much2soon]

Thanks. Yes I want it more than ANYTHING!! 2 days and it's crunch time!! I think it was just habit of getting low on the pills that I had to get some more...I'm going tomorrow to get the stuff I'm missing for the Thomas recipe..I'm excited to be "free" Everyone in the beginning posted alot to me and I feel like some have already given up on me..I hope not..I need support more now than ever but I understand..

[Amaryllis1974]

Listen (or read and absorb) every single thing Kmb22 says.
1st and foremost, you have to want to quit for yourself. No one else. Not your husband, not your friend, not even God. Only YOU.
I am tapering. I have gone from 30-40 per day, to today- 2.
I will have 2 more by nights end, if I want them. I have allowed myself time to heal. Slowly. I wanted to get more today because the thought of not having any- well it scared the he*l out of me. Fear controls most of my actions these past few days.
I have to stop or I will die. Period.
I have also gone through withdrawals on many occasions.
It is quick, compared to a life of waking each day counting pills, panicking about when and where to get the next bunch, freaking out about ODing, etc.
Please think about your body, your LIFE. You messed up. That's what we do as addicts. BUT, you can get right back on the path-
No one would stop talking to you on here. But we will kick your arse into reality.

KMB22 said it.
So listen.

[kmb22]

you have to really want to quit...or else you won't.

you have to want it above everything else.

and you have to be willing to put the work in and feel a little scummy for a while.