Oxycodone withdrawls coming up & so scared HELP

[2much2soon]

My first post..I've been lurking on these boards for about 6 months to prepare to quit.I thought I had noboby.I finally confessed to a friend b/c I needed her help(i'll explain that in a min)she was totally shocked!I've been trying to find the right time.I know that sounds like an excuse but let me explain.a few years ago my husband was blown up in a mortar attack in Iraq.almost a year in the hospital all over the US with me by his side, he survived and is truly a miracle!he came home and I had to teach him to talk,swallow,eat, give him IV meds and like 2 different meds a day b/c he has a brain injury on top of many other issues. I have to shower,dress him,take 100% care of him.he can't be left alone to me to even go to the store.I'm his only full time caregiver(besides a CNA that comes in a few hours a week to help me) needless to say I must of did it all on adredline only b/c I was exhausted.well about a year ago a friend turned me on to a few oxycodones.AKA EVILS(that's what I call them)they were great, I had a ton on energy, was able to get everything done for my hubby, my house ect. To make a long story short I take as many as 10 a day sometimes now. they don't give me energy anymore and when I've tried to quit the withdrawls are so bad after a day i take them again just to function so I cantake care of my hubby.No, I don't take my hubby's meds he's on other stronger stuff. I usually buy them and have a script from a shady doctor. I hate to say it but if my hubby had them I'd probably "borrow" some if I couldn't find them on my own. well like I stated at the beginning I finally told a friend b/c I need her to take care of him while I detox. we have it planned for next week b/c of many factors.I'm so scared! I hate these fricking pills!!I haven't been able to do it b/c my hubby relies on me to basically live. I even have to transfer him to his wheelchair so there was no way I could do this before.my hubby's very supportive as he can be. he feels bad he can't take care of himself for me to do this..I need advice and support PLEASE! I have my friend to take care of him and she's the only one who knows. what do I tell the CNA that comes in to help?just tell her I have the flu?I got things from the "thomas recipe" plus a few other things people have suggested.I'm going to use xanax for the sleep and anxiety and I have neurotin from a friend for the RLS. I know everyones different but how long b4 I can fuction?I also have a company I run that I haven't worked out the details how to "dodge" people for a week.I'm also so scared about the mental stuff everyones talking about.what kind of mental stuff??I already have some depression and seconadary PTSD from my situation that I think I was also self medicating with the "evils" I feel like such a loser to let myself get like this.I'm also scared I can't do this.I'm told i'm a strong person for what I've been thru already but I feel this is going to be harder than anything I've ever done.please, any extra advice would be great. can you please tell me a play by play what to expect each day even though eveyone is different.I told my "dealer" that i quit and I cancelled my shady doc appointment.my friend is gonna write everything down so maybe I can help someone else if I make it thru this.Her and I are have been doing alot of research and need any help anyone wants to share. I'm also scared I'm putting alot on my friend to take care of my hubby & possibly my company for a whole week.everyone says they don't know how I do it and they don't even know I'm on drugs too..do you think I'll need my friends help for a whole week?I'm freaking out and I haven't even started the detox...my other worry is my hubby..I still have to prepare so much for her to take care of him like his med list,showering him,what he likes to eat, stuff he can have and not have...I'm trying to find someone to run the company for a week so she doesn't have to do that too..ok i've rambled enough..I'm open for suggestions..one more concern like i said I started taking them for energy..how long b4 my natural energy returns? I'm going to take the supplements from the thomas recipe..Please pray for me that I can do this, not relapse and no one finds out what a piece of crap I am...

[2much2soon]

Well I ended up getting some more "evils" last night..yeah I'm ashamed..I only took a few extra than I was suppose to on my taper..I didn't even get anything out of the extras I took.I have extras left but I still want to do my detox as planned...as I was driving to the ATM yesterday i kept saying this is crazy this is real crazy..I did so much lying and plotting yesterday just to get them..The worst ever...you guys will probably quit talking to me..I told my husband the "guy" was here applying for a job for our company just to have him come into my office..WTF?? My hubby knew it was BS but he played along..he was like that was a quick interview.. I don't know if it was mental b/c I was getting low on them..I have a decent life that I'm throwing away..Please someone yell at me or say something so I don't feel like such a piece of crap...3 days b4 detox..I don't want to let myself down or my friend that is coming to take care of husband just so I can detox...

[Fisforfriends]

Just b/c you will feel like crap doesn't mean your brain wont work, is there a way you can work from bed? i know it sounds hard but stay strong and if u still havnt gotten a hold of anyone STOP TRYING. You will b so proud when you get this job done WITHOUT the "evils" STAY STRONG

[2much2soon]

I'm doing my taper and low and behold, I just called the "guy" for some extra evils..WTF??Luckily he's out and I didn't call anyone else(yet) wait till you hear my reasoning..I got a call for my company of a pretty big job I have been working on for months..well starting the job is the same time I'm detoxing..I don't have to be on the job but I have to work it all out...Crap I have to stay strong...

[kmb22]

yes, keep posting, we are all here, i will check this thread every single night.  

you will be shocked at the money that you save.  

keep posting i'm here.

[worried878]

agree with KIMB...take a long deep breath..and remember ur fear is probably intensified according to what the wd u will have will be

I imaginged myself writhing around on the floor//throwing up/shaking all over the place etc...it was not like that at all.....i was a 100 mg a day hydro user for 4 years...and physical wd was like i had a flu..not even a bad flu with the runs being my main issue//imodium stopped that dead in its tracks..fatigue was another and I slept when i needed to//no insomnia for me...but went to the gym and a meeting each day whether i felt like it or not..only made 20 minutes on the treadmill day one...day 4 i was back at an hour and felt good day 4...and back to work day 5

We r all different but being afraid is normal...just know that ur mind controls how u feel...if u expect the worst then it is possible u will receive the worst..a positive attitude helps alot//being excited about being free!  Excited about how strong u r to let these monsters go!  U will survive and be better for it
I am not sure how much care ur hubby needs....may be nice to have someone on call to help if u need to nap etc...a real good reason to have someone sit with him would be to go walk/exercise or to a meeting or counseling//some type of aftercare..I really think u will feel batter thru this than u r expecting..I did the same thing  (:

Congrats on ur decisoon to get off this merry go round and join the land of the  living again

[2much2soon]

Your right, I DO NOT want to use methadone..From my research, that is not for me..My friend came by today and went over everything for my hubby. I feel better about that part and that was really stressing me out. With her schedule and her stopping her whole life for week to take care of my hubby, my quit date is DEC.31st. Well actually Dec.31st will be my last day using(ABUSING)so Jan 1st will be day 1.

I have been tapering so it won't be a total shock to my body. I was doing 10-12 30mg evils a day..I had 27 left..(I'm not strong enough to just flush them) 7 yesterday ,so I did 6 today, 5 tomorrow,4 Tues, 3 wed, 2 on the last day...Pretty CrAzY I know...I'm already feeling alittle leg pain/satacia(sp) shooting nerve pain just dropping one a day..

I'm going to try and post everyday b/c so many of you have been so great and I need all the support I can get..It's like a countdown to get my life back..I soooo want to get over this..I hate obsessing over pills..after this then I have to deal with the consequences of the money I spent that was suppose to be for my company..but one thing at a time...baby steps..I just pray the stress of my consequences doesn't play mind games on me to start using again but guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it..Thank you so much for being there for me!