PLEASE HELP ME! ASAP PLEASE I FEEL SO ALONE

[mommyof32b]

So I am 22 years old and I am going to be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow, with my 3rd child. With my first 2 I did not have a problem with drugs or anything and I have always had my kids in my care and I love them very much as well as I love the one I am pregnant with now. With this pregnancy, before I found out I was pregnant I had gotten into a problem with heroin and when I found out I was pregnant with this one I stopped immediately. Well sooner than later I started using again (I do not shoot it up I just snort it)

I need help. I have read so many stories about babies going through withdrawal in utero, and I was so terrified, that I just kept doing the drug. I have never upped it, but I did try to decrease my dose (which is just 1 pill a day that I separate to last all day, I do not get high I just do it to not be sick)

I have not told my doctor about this problem, but I am so afraid I'm going to get my daughter taken away. I feel so alone and so scared. My fiancé is the ONLY person who knows I have been doing this and he has a bad problem with It himself.

I have tried many times during my pregnancy to get off of this drug, but I feel my baby move around as if she's having seizures and I honestly believe she was having withdrawals from the drug so I just kept the dose regular the entire pregnancy so I didn't hurt her.

I feel so alone, and I am crying and in tears as I write this post. I love my children. I AM a good mother. I did not come here to be judged but to get help. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I just DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS. Please help me. PLEASE.

I don't know what to do! How to help me and my baby, and how to not get her taken away. I have kept all of this in for so so long and now I just can't take it anymore. I know I need help, I know it. I just want my baby to be okay, and to be able to come home with me and without any of my or his family members knowing what I've been doing this entire time.

Please help me, I'll do anything for help and answers.

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome to the forum~

I could feel your pain in what you wrote and i know you are scared.  You are going to have to tell your OB what is going on, for the baby's safety and yours.  If they know what is going on they will be able to help the baby.  If you dont the baby will suffer and they will find out what is going on, then in walks CPS.  The doctors and hospital staff have seen this before so please tell them.  You will feel so much better once you tell your secret.  My other concern is after the baby is born and you go home.  My hope is that they will get you in contact with a counselor/therapist so you can stop this dangerous activity.  You deserve to be drug free and live a healthy life but for now, please get ahold of your OB and tell them.  We are here for you so i hope you stick around~

[Krissy_123]

Yes you have to deff tell your doctor for your babies sake! Especially if you keep using. Your baby will be born and go into withdrawls. They have the means to help your baby not be in pain. Which will happen if you just take him/her home.  I was on oxycodone prescribed by my doctor up until I gave birth. We had to stay in the hospital 11 days afterwards so they taper my baby off the meds. I cried typing this. It was awful. My kids are my life. Please tell someone! You can't do it alone!

[frankiexox]

Please be honest with your doctor, being deceptive will only make things worse.  Maybe your kids do need to be taken away for a while until you can get clean.  I was raised by parents who were drug addicts and I still resent them to this day.  Keeping this from your doctor and continuing to use, or detoxing on your own are not options.  There are 3 precious lives at stake, quit being selfish and start thinking about what is best for them,  I hope everything works out.

[mommyof32b]

Thank you to those who have commented already. Yes, you have no idea the amount of pain I am feeling in my heart for not me, but my child. My children are my life too. I love them to the moon and back and would do anything in the world for them. I'm just so scared on how to even begin to tell my OB about this. I've been thinking about lying to him and telling him I've been taking pain meds since they show up as the same thing as heroin, but everytime I go I just freeze up and don't say a word. I'm in tears right now, so many tears are rolling down my face as I write this, I've never asked for help before, especially since nobody even knows I'm doing this I REALLY feel alone. I just want help, I NEED help. I have 6 weeks left until my daughter is here and I just want her to be okay. I could care less about me. Just the main reason why I have been doing it still to this day is because I am scared for my baby inside of me suffering without something I already caused her to be addicted to, and when I start to come down from the drug, I am so distant from my children I have now, I sleep most of the day and I don't act like the mom I really am, and they suffer too, and when I take it, like I said I don't get high, I just feel like my normal self. I know I need help. But oh my goodness. I feel like such a piece of ****, and a horrible person, and deep down I know I am a great mother, and wouldn't be asking for this help if I didn't care about my children.

[dominosarah]

Please dont lie to your doctor.  They need to know the truth.  It is time to step up to the plate and do what is right.  You arent a horrible person at all. You have made some bad decisions.  There is a difference.  When is your next appt?

[mommyof32b]

Tomorrow is my next appointment, I don't even know how to begin to tell him, and tell him how long I've been doing it. I just want help. For me and for my baby girl. She is my world already as my other two are. My God, I need help!!!!

[ready4btr]

I pray you find the strength to tell your doctor. You are putting your child at risk EVERY DAY that goes by that you still use. Your child could have irreverseable brain damage and a host of other issues for the rest of his/her life.  When my friend delivered her daughter and the baby tested positive for marijuana and cocaine, child protective services got involved immediately and stayed involved for years!  Plus having a newborn is hard enough without you having to go through withdraws too. Stay strong...do it for the baby!  Wish you luck sweetie!

[mommyof32b]

At my 20 week ultrasound they did say that everything looked perfect. Would they be able to tell then if she had any kind of brain damage or any other damage to her health at all through that?

[lulu747]

Honey many women have been here in your very situation, and just as scared.  They have found the courage to tell the truth and it has been OK.  But you must tell the truth.  Also, you need to get yourself into some counseling and addictions support for your other children and yourself.  It is madness to live this way, but don't worry YOU CAN STOP IT.  Your OB will likely put you on a maintenance drug like methadone or suboxone for the remainder of your pregnancy.  There will be a team of medical experts there to ensure that your baby gets the very best care once it is born.  The main issue, other than you telling the truth, is your home situation.  The fact that both you and your partner are active addicts is not good for anyone.  You need to help yourself first, but you also need to lay down the law with your partner.  Your children can not grow up in a home with parents on heroin.
Addiction is a disease, and you are not a bad person.  You can start brand new right now, today, and turn this thing around.  I promise you will feel so much better once you take some steps towards sobriety and healing.  Your OB is your first step.  Then looking into some other forms of support.
Have faith okay?  All is not lost.  You DO have the power to change your choices and your life.

Hugs,
Lu

[Sonrissa]

Hi Mommy,  at this point you need support, not criticism.  We have had many women come here pregnant and addicted. You are not the first, and unfortunately, you will not be the last.  You are not alone, although I'm sure it feels like it. The advice is always the same.  You must sit down with your doctor and tell him the truth, all of it.  They have heard your story before, and they will know what to do to help your baby daughter. The consequences if you don't tell your doctor, are very serious.  Just tell him. It is the best thing for your baby, and you.

We will be here to give you emotional support. Please let us know what happens. I wish you all the best. You are in my prayers.

[mommyof32b]

Thank you all so much for the support, and no criticism. I was so scared to even post on here, but I knew I better suck it up and take what I had coming to me rather than hiding all of this. Thank you all again, you all are a God sent to me honestly. I'm so happy that some of you feel the pain and how serious I am about getting the help I need. I WILL tell my OB tomorrow, whether I like it or not, I HAVE to and WILL. I will let all of you know what happens, and I hope like you said that I will get counseling, and possibly put on suboxone until she is born, it will help me greatly I know that. I am still very scared, but now, I don't feel as alone as I did when I first came on this site. You women have shown me love and support, and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I've been praying to God for help, telling him every single day, please help me, Lord, and he's given me the strength to come on this forum and confess, and now I know what I must do for the sake of me, my unborn child, and my girls in the home. Thank you all so much once again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I couldn't have asked for any better responses. You all have been amazing, I can't express it enough. I feel love for all of you already and believe that God sent me here for a reason, to hear all of these things, and to know I'm not alone, and you have really helped ease my mind when it comes to my daughter not being taken away as long as I'm honest. Because you all are right, if I'm not honest, things will be much much worse for me on my end and my daughter's. Thank you again so much. I will keep hitting the refresh button every other minute as I have been this entire time my post has been up just so I can see other answers, and possibly more support. I cannot believe I've done this, especially knowing that I had my other two girls with no drug use at all, and perfect pregnancies. Drugs are a terrible thing, and I now don't judge people who need help as myself like I used to. Thank you all once again. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for you all and your words of advice.

[frankiexox]

You are not a horrible person, you are a person with a medical condition which needs treatment.  If you stop cold turkey it could jeopardize your babies health.  I know you are scared, and your addiction s telling you to keep quiet, but losing your baby would cause pain and your addiction would spiral out of control.  We are all here to support you, but no one can get you help except for you.  Be strong, I can tell you are a good person with a big heart, please get some medical help.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  May God bless you and keep you safe.  

[Krissy_123]

Yes your doctor will help you and monitor you. I had cancer when I got pregnant and had been on my oxycodone for 2 years. Then they didn't know the effects. Well I was pregnant I was very sick I couldn't eat from my illness and the pain. I was in the hospital on iv almost every week. Plus the 5 5mg oxycodone a day. My baby boy was born with slight withdrawls and they weened him with morphine. I didn't have the issues with having to worry about anyone taking him from me. And hopefully if you step up now you won't either. My sons now almost 9 and he never did suffer and issues from the oxycodone. I'm very lucky. I'd die for my babies. I'm 11 days clean off oxy. And that was me going off. I don't know if my doctor would have ever offered to help me get off. But I need to do this. The cancer and the pills have sucked up so much of my life, it was time for me to fight back!! Just like it's your time! They come first! <3 I'll pray for you.

[newoutlook12]

Please tell your doctor asap, I know it is hard trust me I really know what you are going through. Four years ago when I got pregnant with my 3 year old daughter I was in the same situation except I was shooting herion,  I was very addicted and had been for three years. The only thing you can do to help you and your baby is to tell your doctor and get on subutext,  trust me it will be way worse if you don't. They will definitely contact cps when the baby is born if you haven't been honest and your baby will definitely go into withdrawal. You need to tell them to protect yourself, ask for help tell them you need drug treatment.  They need to see that you really want help, people make mistakes but it takes a great mother to admit you have done wrong but want help for you and your children. Me having my daughter is what saved me from the grips of addiction my husband also, he was also on herion when I was first pregnant with our daughter. Being honest with your doctor is the first step you have to take,  your honesty with set you free and hopefully put you on track to get help for your addiction.  What about your boyfriend does he want to stop using?  I know how hard this is trust me honey I really do I been there all you can do now is to try to get some help for yourself and your baby.  If you need someone to talk to I'd be more than happy to help,  even give you my number.  I'll be praying for you,  your little one,  your other children and your boyfriend. I hope you find the strength inside to do whats right at your appointment tomorrow pray that god will give you the strength!

[atthebeach]

is your fiance the one who introduced you to heroin?

[dominosarah]

Thank you for reaching out~

[newoutlook12]

Hope I can help I been there know how hard it is and how scared and embarrassed you feel. But asking for help when I was pregnant is what finally saved me from my addiction so I was able to get the help I needed. No women should have to go through this while being pregnant, I really feel for her!

[newoutlook12]

I'm so worried about you and I know the hell you are going through right now, it will get better trust me! Please stay strong tomorrow and tell your doctor the truth it will set you free. And please keep us updated on what is going on with everything. I'll be praying for you to stay strong and that everything goes smoothly for you in getting the help you need. Good luck to you just know you are doing the right thing by telling him the truth so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed u being truthful shows how great of a mother you truly are,  just remember that tomorrow! You should feel proud of what u are about to do tomorrow and that is it, it will be a start of a new wonderful life for you all.

[mommyof32b]

Thank you everyone again for your support and prayers. I woke up this morning with horrible thoughts of rescheduling or lying and telling him about the pain pills. But I can't lie. I can't hide. I can't dwell. I have to get this over with and I know that I will feel a huge weight lift from my shoulders. I so wish some of you were here with me for a shoulder to cry on...a hand to hold....a friend to just support me. I want to thank you all again. If I wouldn't have come back to this forum today I possibly would go back to square one like none of this happened. But I'm happy I did and I have to keep coming back. When I tell my doctor...what are the chances he'll put me on suboxone or something else to help me TODAY ? I need the help. Or else I feel like the drug will just tell me to get more and more and it will be okay after I do it because my pain will be gone. But I refuse to go back. I cant. I just don't want to be miserable anymore I know I need the help and I hope he sees that I do too....I will have to let people's judgements pass and know that I'm doing the right thing. Nobody else.

[mommyof32b]

And he kind of introduced me...but kind of not. We were both not doing drugs or anything and then one day when a friend asked for a ride they gave us each one and it kind of went downhill from there. We both started together. I used it in my teen years and never got addicted thank God but I didn't do it very long. And my fiance also used to have a problem with it in his teen years but got help and got off of it. We were both at a low point in our lives when  we both started doing it together and we even went to AA and got sober with 48 days on us then relapsed back in April...then shortly after that we found out I was pregnant

[HenryS354]

You got this!!!  Chin up, and a new beginning for you, your child, and your family!  When you get in that appointment today, pull every once of courage you have all the way from your toes, and just get it out there.  You will feel emotionally SO much better after knowing that you are making the right and SAFE choice!  Good luck today, and please keep us posted!  

[dominosarah]

You can do this!  We will all be there in spirit.  Just know that the truth will set you free.  Do this for you and your baby.  Subutex is usually recommended for pg women.  Let us know how it goes after your appt.  

[mommyof32b]

Will he help me with anything today? I need something to get this craving out of my head and I'm in physical pain as we speak. I just need SOMETHING and praying he will see that and help me. I don't know what I'l do if he doesn't do anything for me today and just...I don't know. I want to know what hes going to do. I'll be leaving here soon...and I just know I need the help today, or else I don't know what will happen. I'm going to be honest. No lies. I have to be. I just want him to want to help me as much as I want the help and need the help as soon as possible.