33 days and another emotional breakdown

[mama23babies]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to post basically to relieve some stress. Today is 33 days for me and I just spent the last hour crying to husband because I am tired of this emotional rollercoaster. Once I started crying I couldn't stop. Maybe it will do me some good to relieve some of this stress. I am just so frustrated I wish someone could tell me when it will end Sorry I just had to vent a little. I hope everyone is doing good today.

[mama23babies]

Yeah, today might have been a little better. I didn't want to go the AD route either but I just can't stand all the depression and anxiety and racing thoughts. Do you have the racing stupid thoughts as well? Usually I can't get past the side effects of the AD's,but I will try for a few days and see what happens. I hope you have a better weekend too.

[Texanaddict]

I really wish you hadn't taken the anti-depressents. I told you I have a bottle of Zoloft the Dr gave me last year. I never took any. Doc thought I was depressed. I  was because I was an opiate addict and AD's weren't going to cure that. Even so it takes a few weeks to really start working and you have another pill to quit. On night's I can't sleep I will tale 2 Benadryl with a Melatonin and  eventually I will sleep. Was today a little bit better than those 3 horrible days. Mine was. Just finished a 20 minute walk at sunset and smelled the smells amd looked at the houses and landscaping and the moon and stars and just got a kick out of outdoors clear headed for the first time. Right now totally exhausted but going to take a hot bath and hope tommorrow when I say just for today I will not use drugs that my Saturday will be much better than the last 4 days. IT'S JUST GOT TO.
Hope your weekend improves. I think after that walk I will sleep OK tonight but it's Friday so I can stay up a little later till I feel myself getting tired
Good luck and God bless

[mama23babies]

I guess we have more in common than just our quit days. I too have had a bad 3 days of anxiety and depression. I wish I knew when it would end. I didn't think this emotinal rollercoaster would last this lond. Boy, was I wrong. I too have thought the past couple of days was worse that the beginning.  

I gave in tonight and took the prozac that I had. I didn't want to go the med route again, but hey if it makes me feel better it will be worth it. Better that than relapsing on the hydro's again. I got to get my babies' mama back to them. The prozac made me a little more anxious at first,but now I am getting sleepy and that is a blessing maybe I will actually sleep tonight.

Everday that we get through this is a blessing from God. I guess we're just going to have to fight a little harder and a little longer than what we thought. Hang in there with me. We can do this. I hope things start getting better soon.Keep me posted. I will check in with you later.

[Texanaddict]

mama you and I have talked several times and our quit day was the same. Last Sunday was 4 weeks and a friend and I went to lunch after church and it was really a kind of good day as I didn't dwell on to much and Monday was OK as well so I'm thinking maybe I've turned the corner.
Tuesday morning day 30 I wake up nothing different about what i did but i feel like it's day munber 8 or 9. I have had ups and downs like a rollercoaster for the last 2 weeks but this was just the worst I had experinced since the beginning. I had 3 days of that **** but today was alittle better
I think it like a marathon runner hitting the wall ya know. After about 18 miles he feels like he can't go on but he pushes on for 3 more miles and get's that second wind to burn on and finish. That's the only thing this felt like. After a time our brain hit the wall as it is still fighting on a sub conscious level wanting us to go back to what it was used to. The brain is lazy and wants the work done for it from the pills it was so used to.
My emotions kept pent up for years just came gushing out for 3 days
I'm a grown man and cried about stuff that hurt me years ago. I couldn't work. I did as little as I could get by but come on -- 3 days.
Yes anxiety and severe emotional feelings are not normal for me, but with all the pills I took and reading that there is no wrong answer or no right answer and everybody is different it's like Forest Gump. Detox is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get
People keep asking how long, how many days, how bad will it be, how sick will I get, how soon can i go to work or can I work during WD's, what makes it easier, how can i speed up the process, is tapering better
People there is no right answer because each one of you is a diferent person and a different individual with different body chemistry
So i have 33 days clean and still have bad days. I thought this would be about over. Who knows but God. The next 30 days I will have bad days but with God's help they will be fewer and fewer and even better on the next 30 days
Time is both our enemy and our friend. I look in the mirrow each morning good or bad and say a silent short prayer for another day and ask for help just for today.
Just for today I will not use and tommorrow repeats the process and as each day passes time starts becoming my friend and less of an enemy

[kaismommy]

your doing so awesome! stick with it!! OMG im proud of you! a month clean and its ok to cry!it actually makes ya feel better huh:) im on day 6 with my own concoction so i dont feel the withdrawal pains etc and there all prescribed to me ive just had ENOUGH! i want to play with my daughter with out wondering if im going to fall asleep from all the meds they have me on! my drs mad and told me u know youll be in severe pain with out pain meds!! i told him thats ok i can take the pain better the pain in my daughters eyes!!!

you go girl~~~!!!! :)

[mama23babies]

It seems as soon as I think it's getting easier it gets worse. I have had a bad 3 days. So I don't  know anymore. Congrats to you as well!! I hope it gets easier.

[candothis247]

congrats on 33 days, that's fantastic. im still having anxiety at times too and im coming up on 30 days on satuday. no depression, but very anxious at times..... it's kind of getting easier though, dont ya think? keep it up.

[tylersblueeyedmama]

Congrats on 33 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is awesome!  You are doing great :)

Keep up the amazing work and please keep us posted :)

Thanks,

Kel

[Cassie415]

Thank you and good luck with the natural meds! I hope they work for you!

[mama23babies]

Thanks sweety!Maybe I will try it. Keep your head up and hopefully you will make it this time. If I can get through this hell you can too.

[mama23babies]

Thanks for the info. It would have been even funnier than Cassie walking into the store if I would have asked for the wrong thing to help with depression from detoxing. lol. How long did it take for it to work for you??Thanks for the info and support.

[Cassie415]

No problem for the laugh lol....its funny because i can't tell my family or anyone that I have a problem I keep it all a secret yet somehow I have no problem walking into a random store and telling the random clerk that i am a full blown oxy addict and am about to go through a hell like detox hahah. Oh well, and yeah i think you should try the natural way, it really does help! And yes, I did mean 5-HTP lol

[ImGettingClean]

Try 5-HTP (i think that's what Cassie was referring to)...I use it and helps a BUNCH!

Not overnight, but does help.......

I personally try to stay away from any med and try to go the natural route....

This "Roller Coaster" will be over...

[mama23babies]

Thanks for the laugh. I can't imagine walking in a store and telling them something like that, but hey if it worked good for you. Maybe I will try the natural way. I don't know. I have a RX for prozac, but AD's usually make my anxiety worse. I'm not sure what I want to go yet. I don't even know who I am at times right now. Best of luck to you as well.

[Cassie415]

I hope you can find enough strength within you to stay away and not go back! I took a natural anti depressant, i think it was like 3-HTP or something like that and it really helped with depression. I also had something for anxiety too and I would just take one of each in the morning everyday. It definitly helped, maybe you could try that? You just go to a vitamin store or any kind of homeopathic/natural medicine store and tell them what you need and they can really help. The first time I was stopping I just walked in and was like, "Im detoxing off oxycontin I NEED everything you can think of that will help me." At first she looked at me like I was insane but then she walked me around the store and by the end I had like 15 bottles of stuff lol. It was kinda funny. Anyways, best of luck to you and keep posting.

[mama23babies]

Glad to hear that you are trying agian. I do feel like it's better than in the beginning. You sound so much like me. The depression and anxiety kill me. I am trying to keep fighting,but it would be so easy to go back right now. Since I have had 2 bad days tomorrow has to be better. I hope this doesn't go on much longer b/c I don't think I can stand it much longer. I know they say we are pouring out emotions that we kept in for so long while on the pills but enough's enough. Congrats on getting clean again and good luck.

[Cassie415]

God i know exactly what you mean with the feeling great and then getting smakced in the face with depression and anxiety lol. The first real time I stopped, I lasted 17 days (this was about a month ago) and I was so down, and then on day 9 I felt really good. I was naturally happy and I was thinking maybe I had made it through the worst lol--sooo wrong. The next day I would wake up sooo depressed and anxious and it would last for a day or two. Then i'd wake up happy, and then the next day back to depressed. It was driving me crazy and after a few days of depression i finally gave in and relapsed, which lasted about 2 weeks. Whatever you do I really hope you can keep fighting and not give in. You have lasted so long I admire you so much for doing this. I have never lasted that long but I really can't imagine that the depression and anxiety could go on for htat much longer. Do you feel like things are progressivly getting a bit better? I know things were for me, which is why I am so upset  i relapsed because i haven't been able to get back in that mentality of really wanting to stop like i once was. I have just been back and forth sober using sober using. At the moment i am 6 days sober, but everday is like a battle.

[mama23babies]

Oh yeah aftercare. I am seeing a therapist once a week, basically for the anxiety issues. I don't know how long I will be able to do it though. I have 3 children and it's kind of hard to do things like that. I will see the pysc dr next week maybe they can make some suggestions.

[mama23babies]

Thanks. It's always reassuring to know that I am not the only one going through this. I feel great for a few days here and there and then I get smacked in the face with the depression and anxiety again for a few days. I thought I would be off of this emotional rollercoaster by now. I had no idea what I was getting myself into while using. I really don't have a major reason for using. I got addicted after my last c-section, and then had kidney stones. I was on them for 4 months for that. I guess I just liked the feeling of having energy and always being happy. I don't think I was depressed before using, but it's been so long since I have been me without pills that I really don't remember that time.Are you still clean now?

[Cassie415]

CONGRATS on 33 days!!! First of all, you should be very proud ofthat because that is an accomplishment! The emotional rollercoaster is one of the hardest parts for me as well and is actually one of the causes of my last relapse. I feel for you and I know how hard it is, but with every new day it will keep getting easier and easier. I admire your strength so much! Are you doing any sort of aftercare? That was one of my downfalls, but everyone on here has told me that you must figure out why you were using in the first place. I wish you the best of luck and sincerely hope you don't give in. You have 33 days under your belt already and that is soooooo good! It will keep getting easier and easier just keep pushing on and fighting for this!!! Again, congrats on 33 days!