Coming of Tramadol

[Amber9999]

You know why I like this site so much?   People on here don't judge you if you are trying to come off of something.  When I went to NA today I spoke up and told them I was tapering off Tramadol and this guy said "mam you have to be completely clean and sober to speak".  My heart went up in my throat.  I got up after a few minutes because I started to cry.  I was so humiliated and never felt so alone in my life.  I know I shouldn't let that keep me from going but right now I don't want to go back.  When I use to go before, there were a lot clicks and I swear they were snobs.  Can you imagine snobs in NA!?!  Well in Va. Bch they are.  Especially my home group.  But the same people followed each other to all the other meetings.  So I always saw the same peopIe.  It got to the point that I was tired of the dumb ****.  I also was so uncomfortable because when I got clean before off the Percocet and Soma, I actually had a hard time talking.  My vocabulary was all screw up.  Literally!  I was so conscience about myself ALL the time and I felt worse going then not.  I did stay clean for 2 years off everything though.  And listening at NA did help.  Don't get me wrong.  I didn't start abusing this until I started this damn diet!  I'm glad I lost all the weight but damn if I wanted this.  Anyway thank you to all for caring about me

[OpenMind24hours]

Just came across this post. Sorry you had a bad experience at NA. Let me tell you my personal story about the subject you wrote on.

  I hate cliques! They are part of the disease not the solution. I sense them immediately. Yes, of course you'll find cliques at both AA and NA, in Internet recovery groups, high school, work places, anywhere you find us humans. AA/NA are completely against cliques. We're also against  gossip, breaking someone's anonymity, people who think they run the meeting entirely. these are just a few of some of the most important traditions. Not speaking BC u used today is not a tradition. It's a group's decision to make that rule.

I've  been going to meetings since 1982 and there have been some really good meetings and some really uncomfortable ones to say the least. I simply expect it. We're all in various stages of recovery in our lives. We go to meetings to completely change from inside out. Gnarly on here says "change thinking completely". Well, some don't work the steps right away. It took me 8 months to begin to work the steps. So, we say, some are sicker than others, but we're trying for progress, not perfection. And you'll never find a perfect meeting, but I sure have come close in my 31 years.

Having been to meetings from Hawaii to the east coast.  I've found that the 12-step groups vary from area to area, city to city, state to state. In 1982 I found AA as a wonderful road to recovery and to save my life.  I found a few groups that I liked and some that I only visited once!! I was lucky to immediately find a good AA  friend; who told me the idea is to find meetings you feel comfortable at. He took me around to all his favorite meetings. I latched on to Downtown Detroit meeting (where I worked) and neighborhood meetings at night. In 1984 my friend and i started a meeting on the 13th floor of our building called noontime serenity. Now the building is one of the many unoccupied Detroit skyscrapers and the meeting is no longer.

27 years later I relapsed on opiates, one of the "yet's"  that was out there waiting to slay me. Over 3 years later I went back to the meetings, but went to NA along with AA. Now I'm all NA. The cliques are still there and will always be there. The very first meeting I went to has become my home group. I didn't sense any clique and everyone was friendly and helpful.  The meeting readings at the beginning also didn't mention "if you used today, please don't share during the meeting, but DO talk with someone after the meeting". I also go to many that do read that disclaimer at the beginning of the meeting. And many new addicts sit in silence and then talk to someone after. I've found some meetings I don't fit into, meetings I didn't feel welcomed at... I'm 67 years old now, I sometimes look for grey hairs and sit with them! We all know who we are. But the meetings have absolutely saved my life. Twice!

I'll close with a mention of my favorite meeting in the world I discovered on Roanoke Island on the outer banks of NC. I started going to the islands  in 1991 to surf and windsurf and have been going ever since (this years trip coming up in 3 weeks!) The Monday and Friday 8 pm AA meeting is my home group away from home. It's friendly, they all know me and I know them. I get welcomed hugs from ppl as soon as I walk in. To me, home can be everywhere I go. Today...I'm grateful that I'm a recovering addict.

[Beckers74]

I was thinking about this post this morning and was getting very upset at who told you that you couldn't share in an N/A meeting. I am with Lisa on trying an A/A meeting instead. N/A's do have a different vibe. I worked the a/a program for many years, and it is my understanding that the only requirement for membership is a "desire" to be sober. Maybe this meeting was a closed meeting, but I have never heard of not being able to share if you are working towards sobriety. Please don't let N/A turn you off from getting after care.

[LisaH_NYC]

Hi Amber,
I have been to AA and NA meetings. AA to me was more like a home, and I have heard others complain about some NA groups: the people are too hard core (either they are low bottom addicts, street folks, or they are traditions Nazis, etc). Please read up about the TYPE of meeting you are going to. Usually, you can share if using, but not qualify (share your story with the group). But it may depend on the meeting type you are at (open vs closed, beginners vs Step Meeting etc.) If in doubt, go up to the chairperson and ask about the group's feelings about sharing if you are using. in the early stages, its best to listen, and to just put your hand up to say you are a newcomer, you are struggling, and that you are an addict, so you can hear yourself say that out loud. Good luck to you. Don't ever let one person's comment stop you from getting your recovery underway. But you do need to respect the safety and rules of the group. If this group is too "cliquey" find another. Tons of meetings out there. GOOD LUCK!

[Farmgal40]

wow, I've never been to an NA meeting (I think I'd be terrified of the public shaming) but I feel so bad that you were told you can't talk? I mean isn't the whole point for people to share and get their feelings out? Glad you came here instead where you won't be judged!

You didn't say how much tram you were on or for how long - but tram was the thing I abused as well, I suppose I should be thankful that it was only for about a year, I went off cold turkey 25 days ago. Not sure where you are in this journey...but I can tell you the first few days were HORRIBLE, and followed by severe depression. But it does get better...keep coming here for support!

[Elseware]

I have been tapering off Vicodin after a six year habit that culminated at about 10 a day.  I also quit drinking 6 years ago.  I picked up the Vicodin as soon as I work up from my last "party".   Now I have one more day of my taper.  This has been really ( to say the least) very, very hard and painful.  I've been drinking and/or drugging since I was 15.  I'm 62 now.  I'm looking forward to a new life but I'm scared because I don't know who I am without the substances.  I've tried it all.  Glad I found this site.  Thank you everyone.

[Beckers74]

There is a program out called Smart Recoverymedhelp. It is ran by a licensed therapist and the only ask for a donations to run the group. I was a hard core AA person and love many principles of the program. Smart Recovery has weeded out some of these mistakes made in the program. Smart Recovery doesn't not bash AA/NA. You can attend both meetings. I went to my first Tuesday. It was wonderful.

[LeaAnn807]

Amber, how about a therapist or even for some immediate help, do you have a pastor you could speak with?  It's important not to let this sort of thing stop us from staying clean and keeping our eyes on the goal.  Meetings aren't for everyone.  Therapists or an addictionologist could be really beneficial for you!  Tramadol is NO JOKE to stop and stay clean from.  Trust me.  Been there, done that, could write a book on it!  It's evil.

How are you feeling today, otherwise?

[howlingshadow]

DIET????? I gained almost 100 lbs on trams, wish I had lost, lol. Coming off trams is so freaking hard, I went cold turkey because I cant just taper, OUCH I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, lol. It took what seems like years, maybe it has been it was two years ago and I am just now starting to feel myself again. I was taking them on and off for almost 4 yrs.  It was hell but I am sure you can do it. I hate clicks and groups too, they ##$%! but in life you have them everywhere really.. Sorry that happened to you.

[ready4mylifeback]

we did in the past and will be returning to celebrate recovery churches have some GREAT programs for addicts and i am not claiming them to be the best but i can tell you their is no clicks, no judgement... i went to NA one time and that was it.. never again i felt like i was at a bar w a bunch of people who could not drink and were mad at the world.. very clicky i felt very uncomfortable.. i know everyone's beliefs are different but can tell you i have known the Lord as my saivior for a LONG time and tho i have left and let him take side seat...for a while when i fell again after 3 yrs clean.. but i believe we go through everything for a reason and i know i am learning so much more this time around.. anyway what i was getting at was i felt really uncomfortable w people talking about their "higher power" and some went as far as a table or chair all i could do was laugh inside and hurt for them that they think their is nothing more to this life than a OBJECT for a "higher power" it def was NOT for me.. but we got out of celebrate recovery cause of our busy life style and thought we had it beat because we were clean 3 yrs and feeling GREAT till we moved where it was easy access and met some people who we have now had to cut off.. we are going through it again and it is HARD but we know this time we can NEVER let our guard down.. more than anything i miss my feelings they have numbed me sooo bad i can't even feel my strong relationship w the Lord and i won't till i get some more clean time and start seeking and putting him first again and that is what i will do!! God has been my rock through my life and w out him i would def be lost.. again sry if you are not a believer i just know where my faith has taken me and know God is real and the only way to go.. i would agree w everyone do not go on subs.. trading one thing for another is not the way to go and those will be much worse from what i have read to get off and you will have to face that someday.. i made a list of what the pills were doing to me and everything i have to look forward to off them that is what i am focusing on despite how crappy i feel i know it is a short time..i LOVE listening to the song i'm a overcomer.. it helps a lot.. praying for strength and blessing on you.. you can do it!! find a support that is going to work for you and i don't blame u i would have felt bad if that would have happened to me too.. and def would be finding another system..

[poopieskoopie]

Suboxone is not for everyone and if you can follow a very slow taper off of the tramadol then that is definitely the way to go even if you can only drop 1-2 pills a week. The point is to be comfortable enough so you're not tempted to use anything else. For me, this time, I could not afford to taper slowly  because I didn't have access to enough tramadol so I made the decision to use the sub so as not to disrupt my life right now. I've used it short term successfully in the past but I only recommend it as a last resort. I also understand your frustration with 12 step programs...they too are not for everyone. Hang in there and know that you're doing the right thing.  

[dominosarah]

Have you thought about AA or an addiction specialist?

[jethro733]

I just read your other post too and must concur with Digger.  Do not get n suboxone.  It is a synthethic opiate (like tramadol) and is much stronger and more difficult to get off.

[digger1976]

Hi Amber, I haven't had personal experience with trams, but I have just finished reading your other thread where you asked about subs and where to get them, please stay well clear, that would be like swapping a pocket knife for a gun my friend, detoxing from trams will be much easier for you, trust me!!! Keep up the great work and well done on grabbing back your life, way to go!!!