Not welcome to a family members party! Embarrased by me BooHoo

[Onetonbrun]

Hiya everyone.
I am chuckling as I write this post
Last night I was told I am not welcome to my sister in laws 40th birthday party on Saturday (sob)
I wasn't even going to go in the first place because my sister in law is one of these, "I have a big house, I have a BMW, I have a decently paid job and you don't" type of person, her husband (my older brother) is just her puppet and she is pulling the strings so he says nothing.
The Irony is they both had a problem a couple of years ago with "whacky backy" and cocaine and I even used to get them Tramadols and codeine phosphates for their "back pains!" and they dare to look down at me through their noses and judge ME.
Because I'm not invited the rest of my family have boycotted going to the party and it's caused a massive rift between us and them.
I only write this because I just can't believe the level of ignorance of people, EVEN FAMILY regarding ex addicts, we are only humans who slipped up somewhere down the line, dusted ourselves off and got back on the line.
Some people are blessed with compassion and a warm heart, others discrimination and a cold heart.
On a lighter note I don't give a shiny shite because I arranged a day at the seaside this Saturday with my boys come rain or shine 2 weeks ago!
I must go and dry these tears from my eyes from the disappointment!! Hehehe
Richard

[selfinduced]

I cringe with embarrassment  as I read your post. I too was "one of those people" like your brother and his wife. My entire family was or is riddled with addiction and my husbands is the opposite. Family gatherings were always Jerry springer worthy. First I had to hide the valuables, then the meds, then my purse so my SS number wouldn't be taken etc. You never knew when one of them would start a fight, pee in the living room or burn holes in the furniture. Guess when I stopped fretting and enjoying all they were? When I myself got addicted. It is so true what the above posters say. Much of what we are uneasy with is the truth that lies within us. You very well could be the mirror they are not wanting to be reflected in. Take the high road where you can and let your actions speak for you. In time they will have to deal with their own shallowness and you'll still be the down to earth clean angel among them. Life is too short to own others issues. YOUR DOING GREAT!!!! PS....I just lost my crazy aunt this week who I was "embarrassed" to have over sometimes cause of her antics. I've give anything for her to be here with us for Easter. Lifes lessons.....

[EvolverU]

Ah,..the joys of parochial village life, eh?
Hope you're well Richard. Also glad to hear that your family, (w/the exception of the 2 hypocrites), are behind you in all this, as sad as the rift is. Congrats on day 32!

[Onetonbrun]

Thank you for your kind post.
I am disappointed my entire family aren't turning up for the party as I am a peaceful guy and do not like conflict, especially with family but my sister in law has poked a big stick into the hornets nest with this one!
It's like the people in my village, they thrive on gossip and pulling someone to bits behind their backs, I know of one lad who is constantly smoking the whacky backy (ganja) and he is pegged as the biggest druggie in the county by these gossipers, they hear a story and add a little extra to it then so does the next person and before you know it this poor guy is the UKs Tony Montana!
I guess if they are talking about someone they are leaving someone else alone eh?!
Drug use or misuse is such a Taboo subject here in my village, I know everyone knows of my plight but when I walk around here I walk with my head up high unconcerned about snidey comments or asides from folk as I am just a punchbag for them because their own lives are shite and shallow!
Chin up, heads held high and be proud everyone!
Richard

[Onetonbrun]

Good morning Fourjays.
Ironically I have a better job and are paid more than both of them but I don't rub it in people's faces like they do all of the time, Unbeknown to them I also know they have more debt than Russia!, again champagne tastes with beer money to spend!
I won't repeat what was said! but I rang my brother last night and told him a few home truths and to save his self an invitation card for his 40th in June as I am doing "something" that day!
Such a shame as we were SO close but now he has shown me his true colours I discard anything potentially harmful or disruptive to my life now.
Of course I will always love the plonker!
Have a mint day Fourjays.
Your mate
Richard

[FourJays]

All the money in the world cant buy what you have - sobriety and honesty with yourself.  Their loss BIG TIME!!!  Boo Hoo for them.  You will have much more fun with your boys anyway :))

[clean_in_ks]

I just think you are delightfully FUNNY, Richard!!!  Your expressions entertain and give us belly laughs we need so much....thank you for that!!!
Helen Back....bahahahaha!!!
Now you got me thinkin.....what can I nickname so and so......haha!

On another more serious note......the boycott support speaks VOLUMES...
Having already made plans with your precious boys does too.

I have to remember that "hurting people, hurt people".
I must remind myself NOT to expect healthy behavior out of SICK people.
I'm thinkin you are shining so BRIGHT now......that when your light shines on their darkness.......more change is ahead.  

In this life......we really DO reap what we sow....but since that phrase can sometimes be received as one that has been repeated so much it has lost its meaning....I've revised it for my brain....so I say:

"If you plant corn (in this life), you SURE ain't gonna get green beans"

Keep planting well, my friend......harvest is near.

[toothfairie]

awww sorry it's so cold....but the wind will make it mid 30's so that's friggin COLD for us Floridians!!  we can't take the real cold anymore...lol  we are too acclimated to hot weather here.  I get cold when it's 50...:/  

i used to live where it got really really cold in winter too....but i've been in FL too long to be able to live where it's super cold.  I'm a wuss!  ha!  But i'm sure i'll be screaming about the heat....we are never satisfied...lol  

wow i haven't had sponge cake in years! i just had an orange, but i want something else now!  gonna have to raid the fridge myself soon!  

[Onetonbrun]

Good evening Lisa.
43 degrees! Lucky you, over here Right now the wind is howling to the tune of "when will I see you again" coz it's only 3 degrees!
I'm sick off this "white shite" now, I cleared my "wife's" shed out today tanking it down with snow and a hot water bottle half on my back and half on my arse just to keep warm.
I bet you can't wait for the awesome Florida summer now! I'm looking forward to our typical 2 week summer over here! Man I'd get a better tan staring at car headlights on a night!
I can't raid the fridge coz Im trying to "lean up" a little (there is a treacle sponge cake in there so I'm avoiding it the best I can at the moment!)
Hope your enjoying your well earned day off Lisa.
Richard

[toothfairie]

LOVE that quote from Ghandi at the end!  so true too!  

and you kill me with these names...."scatty mare"...lmao i'm gonna start using that one!  i know a few scatty mares!  

Now you can get some much needed rest!  and bless you for helping your "wife" and taking such good care of your boys!  that is so great!  

and go raid the fridge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[Onetonbrun]

Hello "y all"
Thank you with every beat of my heart for all your posts truly.
Sorry for the delay but I've been doing more donkey work for my "wife" and entertaining my boys in this bloody snow nearly all day and have just returned back to my parents home 10 minutes ago.
My sister in law is called Helen and I nicknamed her Mrs Back as in Helen Back coz thats where I felt I had been just being anywhere near the scatty mare!
Material people are horrible at the best of times  but throw a slice of ignorance and a pinch of self grandure in the mix! Result= no words can describe really!
I wouldn't really of fitted in at the party as the vehicle entourage outside will consist of BMW's, Mercedes, Range Rovers, Audis and 1 Porsche, but I drive a VW Passat!!! Hehehe
So bollocks to anyone who turns their noses up at folk like us people!
At least our "Lion" hearts beat strong, are full of love and compassion and have got us back on track and free from medications.
"earth provides enough to satisfy every mans need, but not every mans greed!" (Mohatma Ghandi)
Peace and Love to you all.
Richard

[VICourageous]

That was a good one..I like the ending..That was right to the point.....

[Bubulous]

I have my monents. lol

[toothfairie]

Love what you wrote Bub!! So true!!

[dominosarah]

Are we related cuz i swear you are talking about my family!!!  My sister in law calls me Cinderella!  This sort of thing used to bother me until i cleaned up.  Now i look at the whole situation and feel bad for them as it must be alot of work trying to live so high and mighty.  There is so much focus on all the material things in life and they are missing out on what is really important, the love of a family and all the blessings we have been given.  They have to boost their self esteem thru all the fancy pants things.  I bet when they lay their heads down at night they are very lonely inside.  It's their loss~

[Bubulous]

I read something in a book a while back that a villain is a damaged person who's story hasn't been told yet.  I like it and that is how I feel about an addict.  We were all damaged at some point in our lives (physically or mentally, or both) but you would never understand why we use unless you knew our story and had to walk a mile in our shoes  :)

[YesLife4Me]

People who are judgemental usually have something to either hide themselves or don't like themselves.  I can't remember what the technical term for it is, but they put on a facade for the world to hide what they really are.  I was married to an arrogant jerk like that.  Everything was about how things appeared.  Even how I behaved or acted in front of his family or friends.  Nothing I ever said or did was good enough and I always heard about it afterwards.  And when my good paying job ended and we began to have finacial troubles...he was out of there.  His sugar momma was dry and he went crying to the world with the woe is me attitude.  And of course that was my fault to.   I wasw uninvited to some of his family gatherings as well.  It didn't bother me.  I didn't want to be around them anyhow because I knew they were all too judgemental.  Who needs that shite?  Good for you!  Glad you have some exciting plans with your boys that day instead.  

[bama88]

We all have THOSE people in our FAMILY. that thrive off the drama and misery of others. most of them are so JUDGEMENTAL and HYPOCRITICAL because theyve never had OUR PROBLEM. they have a bigger problem. THEMSELVES. and they dont care to help the black cold hearts they have.

However were trying to change and improve ourselves. That makes us strong independant and pro active in life. if i were you i would feel good about yourself and celebrate that.

Let her celebrate 40 years in her own way.

I know this situatuon can be extremely upsetting and stressful. know your not alone.

[OpenMind24hours]

It always seems that those who judge others have never taken the time to look at themselves.

[toothfairie]

well my friend....crazy family members are like a$$ holes....everyone has one....hahaha  but you are doing great....just keep your eye on the prize and don't let that drama deter you one bit....as i'm sure you won't....enjoy this weekend with your precious boys, they are the most important ones anyway!!  good job not falling into the drama.....vent here and don't hold it in....we got ya back!  have a great day Richard!

Lisa

[nursegirl6572]

That's really a shame, but you seem to have them figured out.  I'd bet dollars to donuts you make them uncomfortable because you remind them of their own addict behavior, and make them have to take a hard look at themselves.  It's hard to put on a front when people know your dirty little secrets, you know?  

The difference between you and them is, you've decided to be honest with yourself and do something about it.  They continue to be in denial and care only about their outward appearance.  Some people are just very ugly on the inside, no matter what they've got going on on the outside.  That may very well apply to them.

Enjoy your plans, you're much bigger than that nonsense.  That's on THEM, not on you.  It's awesome that the family has decided to support YOU and not them in this.  That speaks volumes, IMO.  That's the important thing to focus on, hon.

Take care.

[VICourageous]

Hi again its the night hawk getting ready to crash..Yes I know about those type of people. I have some friends that are just plain nuts to me.  And    now that I am clean. I look at them (not that much) and I say to myself "OMG was I like this". I do not think I was that bad..We are on the outside looking in..I see the whole world in a better way..Those type of people can just stay out of my new world..Judge me Not....I have it good..I just stay in my safe place or take the dog to the rivers or lakes..Or I go to meetings..I do not go around to many people..The summer will be good when it gets here..Go camping, rafting,hiking oh its God Send here in the summer....The winters are long...Check out my pics if u can u will see some winter ones..,,lol
God bless you my happy guy...

[Onetonbrun]

Hiya Vickie.
Thanks for that, it really rings true.
The thing is I had no intention of showing up at the party, even when I was "using" before my detox based solely on the type of people they have become.
I like to be around positive, happy appreciative people, not people who have forgetten their roots and become "champagne tastes with beer money to spend" type of people.
Believe me Vickie it will take a LOT more than this to even make me wobble yet alone fall, I just wanted to highlight the ignorance of people in the world today, It makes me shudder!
Again you've been there for me Vickie
Thank you, your friend
Richard.

[VICourageous]

Oh Richard It will be alright..I am glad to have become addict in the way that WE our alot closer to our GOD then THOSE people who JUDGE and want the WORDLY things..They can not take it with them Right?? This happens to us in our Recovery..We get TRIGGERS put right in front of us..You stood strong and did not go and use today..That my friend is a Big one...Stress, Drama, Death, Anxiety it is all there and we just have to stay stronger then ever before..God works in his way and we just have to give it to him...Now you just remember what I said so you can remind me when I get sad, mad, depressed ect...I know I will have some issues comming my way..Support is a big one...The tables will turn and you will be the winner..
You just hang tight..I am so sorry for your family issue..Be tuff my man do not let them bring you down..OK   lol
vickie