Physical dependence....already!!

[Sweetness91]

I've been taking Vicodin 5's for about 2 1/2 weeks now...before that it was percocets for about a week. I did good during the transition. (For those who don't remember, I detoxed off methadone in January 2013.) NOW...I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm in a routine. I get up in the morning and I wait as long as I can, til the pain is more than I can take for the tasks I have to do, so I take one. Then around 3 or so, it's back and I take another, and then i get off work and start doing all the things I need to do around the house and I end up in pain again, and I need ANOTHER one! I don't like the feeling that I have to take something to feel better. I don't care if it's a broken bone or not..all I can think about is what I went thru when I came off the methadone. And that thought alone scares the living shiiiit outta me! I remember what I went thru then, I think about it often. And I'm torn. :( Do I let the pain dictate every move I make, and deal with the consequences later, get relief now, or do I just deal with the pain and let everything that needs to be done and dealt with go?? I don't like the routine of taking somethin morning noon and nite, so I figured I would substitute the noon dose for ibuprofen. It's not even touching the pain. It's not a withdrawal pain...I'm all too familiar with that, it's a throbbing burning pain in my hand that I just can't shake. But I'm so terrified that I'll get hooked, and that I will have to deal with another withdrawal. Even if it's 3 a day, of Vicodin, not methadone, the withdrawal scares me to pieces. It seems like that's all I can think about. Every time I swallow one of those things, I have this terrible guilt. I don't wanna be in this position. I'm just so upset and I feel sick. Seriously....when I successfully got off the methadone I swore I would never put myself in this position again..and here I am. :(:(:(

[Sweetness91]

Thanks Weaver. I ask myself if I really need them before I take one, and I've talked myself out of taking them several times just by doing that one thing. Or I'll tell myself that I'll take it in an hour if I still need it, and sometimes by then, the pain has lessened enough that I can deal with it by taking ibuprofen. I was able to get by with just two yesterday, so I know the pain is slowly fading, but it's just getting so frustrating at this point. I want it GONE! Lol. And getting this big hot cast off is gonna be sooooo nice! Ahh I can't wait. :)

[weaver71]

I didn't read all the replies, so I'm sure you already have excellent advice. Anyway, I personally would just deal with the pain and let it all go. I let it all go for detox from methadone, I still had time to do it afterward. I have to beware of the sense of urgency. Fact is, by taking care of ourselves and slowing down enough to smell the roses adds so many years to our lives, we will get enough done before we die. Now, if you actually have to do those things, they are truly a need, not a want, then I could see using them short term to help you survive. The detox will be nothing like methadone, not even close. 6 weeks is enough time for a bone to totally heal in a healthy body, the pain part shouldn't be more than a month. Be on the watch for pills making pain so your brain will get what it wants and believes it needs. I hope you heal up soon so you don't need them, I know you don't want them, not really.

[Sweetness91]

Vic I just love you so much. You have the same thoughts as I do. Right now my thought is "what's worse?? Withdrawal , or some pain from a little broken bone." And it does, it blows my mind to wonder which I would rather go thru . It's just all so confusing right now. I dont know.  Everything has seemed so minimal up til now because I thought I had made it thru the worst time I would ever have in my life. And now, here it is. The final. The one that determines how my life is gonna turn out. Can I make it, will I get an "-A"' or did I flunk it!!???? Ugh....I'm done thinking for the night. May you all have sweet and peaceful dreams!!! I love you all!

[VICourageous]

Well..Look at it this way..You are now experiencing that Pleasure part of the Brain the Midbrain..You know it will play it back and try to trick you into more for this or that..So you are intune with that one..Also if you are not on them too long you will not build up that tolerance where you will need more & more. Also you have most likely built your System up with some good Vit/Min and eating very well..When we use for all those Years we would not eat or take these things..Also Hydos/Norcos or any of those opiates are so short lived. The detox does not go on as long as the Methadone..SO you also know how to taper down a bit so it will not be as intense. I really do not think you will have it bad. Sure you most likely will feel a bit anxious for a few days, but if you keep hydrated throughout all of this you also keep flushing the poison out..You know the Drill and I do think it will be nothing like the Dones..I guess I should say I know it will not be. Just make sure you keep your self in good shape by eating or taking the right nutrients. Do Not go on a quilt trip about this either. Just make sure YOU stay very tuned into your Brain and do not let it play tricks for more. Be Safe and soon it will be over and you will be done with the meds. I often think at my age what will happen when I really hurt myself. I know I will have to avoid any mind-altering substance because of my Drug use off & on for most of my Life. Even if I give them to Hub, if it starts this back up all over again I can find them anywhere..BUT if we need them we need them. Just take each day and go with it..YOU will be OK!! lol
Just get better!!!!
Bless

[Sweetness91]

There you are Vic!! I've missed you. I felt like crying just reading your response. You are so sweet, down to earth, and just real all around. I miss hearing about your momma, I wish I could've met her. I think the three of us would've had a helluva lotta fun. You tell it like it is, and I'm sure she did too..you definitely always have just put it all out there, and I respect that. It's funny you mentioned the vitamins in my purse thing. That's why I replaced the mid-day dose with the ibuprofen. I really thought I could trick myself. It makes me think about all those years on the methadone. When I replaced the methadone with the vitamins, I did ok somewhat. It took a few days but I was ok. I've been trying that here lately, with ibuprofen instead of vitamins, and it's been a very rough couple days. Omg Vic. :''( I just don't wanna end up in the same boat I was a year ago, but I don't wanna deal with this pain either. Who woulda thought that someone would overthink every detail about something so insignificant as swallowing something that looks like a button. Lol. I dont know...maybe it's a good thing, but I do not want to go thru something like this right now. Everything has been so good up til now. Sure, I've had my ups and downs, but that's life I think, but this ONE issue has caused so much stress and heartache that I feel like like nothing else in the world matters right now except those damn pills, in their damn bottle, in my damn safe. I have so much more to worry about than crap like that. And everyone says "well honey, you have a good reason to take them, or take care of yourself and do the right thing" and at the end of the day all I see is this big black hole that I'm falling into. Geez...is that NORMAL??? Wth. I do feel like I'm taking it a bit far, but then of course I have to rationalize it and tell myself that I'm right.

[VICourageous]

Hi Sweet..Girl I just Love YOU! You will be OK..Just make sure you take a pain pill before the pain becomes full blown. If you catch it before then you should need less..I have known people who add a real aspirin along with the pain med. Are you going to have to have surgery?? Sorry I am not sure if I caught this or not regarding the surgery. Like I said before, you have been thru so much since day one and you are a Trooper! Just like my Mom Was. You 2 just amazed the you know what out of me..hahahah I do believe as long as you take very little and only for a short time you will be fine..NO it is not like Methadone..I have detoxed or w/d off of Both. You should be OK..lol
I will send you a Happy Prayer and please try not to work your self up over this issues about the pills..Heck, I remember the time you put your Vit in your purse just to trick your mind so it would think it was your pills. Maybe put some aspirin in the bottle and take it in between..I do believe the Mind is a powerful thing..lol Let me know if you have to have surgery.
Bless U Always Girl!!

[Sweetness91]

Geez. You're killin me smalls. Lol. Seems like everything you say really hits home. Control. I like to be in control of every aspect of my life and I think when I feel like I'm losing that grip...I just totally lose it. I feel like right now I can't control everything. I can't control how I feel and that is a big thing with me. I can usually control how i feel because I always think "mind over matter". If I'm cold, I convince myself it's hot and there's no way I can be cold...if I'm depressed, I remind myself that there's a million reasons to be happy, and there's no use in getting mad because I will just have to get happy again anyway. If I can't get enough hours at work I tell myself that they only depend on me so much. I have an answer or reason for everything, and it usually works. But this pain...well..not too much is working. I tell myself that the meds aren't gonna work, that I'm just digging myself in a hole that I will eventually have to climb out of, so there's no reason to put the poison into my body. But damn...mind over matter only takes me so far...and when I lose it...I TOTALLY lose it. Obviously. Huh!!??

[Jinx_777]

i don't think any of you will have any problems. you all are very wise and cautious.
i would just worry about getting better because you are in total control

[Sweetness91]

Omg. You NAILED it! Lol. Fastening a bra...well that took me a little time to figure out. At first I had my husband or daughter do it, but I finally figured it out. Lol. Takes a little longer, but I can do it...all by myself! That was one of those moments..I was like "hey! Look what I can do!"  Lmao. That gave me a good chuckle. I needed that. Thank you :):)

[marycarmel]

I know how hard being one-handed is. I had nine surgeries after a joint replacememt in my left hand failed.  I wound up with nerve damage and rsd and also lost the function of it.  I've found ways to compensate but everything takes me longer ... cooking, shopping, snapping a bra, buttoning pants, thelist goes on.  I probably won't ever have any improvement and I have days where I get down but it could be worse.  It's hard to ask for help or to let things go.  There are times I overdo it but I've had to lower my standards.  I am never caught up with laundry but someday when my kids are on their own, I won't have so much. I hope when this is over you have total healing.

[Sweetness91]

Wow Mary. Stories like yours make me realize just ow small my issues are. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going thru. But it sounds as if you've got your head screwed on straight and you know exactly what you're doing. You deserve some big props for that!!

[marycarmel]

I feel for you.  I had to go back on opiates due to pain causing my blood pressure to sky rocket and couldn't get it down on two BP meds.  So I agreed and just as it beganto come down a bit, I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm.  All doctors involved said no tapering until the aneurysm was taken care of.  I had to wait for a specific surgeon and I just had the surgery two weeks ago.  I had one follow-up last week and another June 19th.  I am hoping I'll get the go ahead to start my taper, though I am trying to not get too anxious over it.  I did not increase my dose after the surgery, though I did get a prescription for Fiorocet.  I am taking them sparingly and plan to be off them totally in the next week or so.  I still have a little swelling in my face and lost the hearing in my right ear and have some perception issues in the right eye along with some jaw pain and can't open my mouth fully.  The doctor believes all these things will resolve in time, but even if they don't, I'm grateful it was found before it ruptured.

I'm a bit anxious about withdrawals.  Previous experience was very unpleasant.  This time I have decided to take my time with the taper.  Take your time, find support in real life, and know you will have loads of support here.  You can do this,

[Sweetness91]

Jinx...I do only take it when I need it, actually I don't even truly take it when I need it. There are times when I need to, but the thought of another stint of withdrawal scares me so much that I suffer instead. I'm just so so ready for all this to be over with so I can get back to life as I know it. Every little thing is getting to me right now. I mean seriously...who ever thought that brushing your teeth, or wiping your a$$ with your left hand could be so damn hard!?!?! Or trying to sign a payroll check...putting make up on, washing my hair. And dealing with the pain on top of that just makes it all seem like it's the end of the world, even though I know deep down that it's not and there are MANY more ppl who have it way worse than myself. But every time I have that little pill in my hand and I'm getting ready to swallow it, I feel sick. Like I am doing something illegal and morally reprehensible. I think I've just had enough for the day and am feeling sorry for myself. An I probably just need to go to bed! :)

[Jinx_777]

i am someone who HAD to go back on opiate medication.  
if it is truly helping you, then take it ONLY when you need it and whatever you do, do not let yourself get back into a 'routine'.  a habit is formed by doing something again and again.  add to that it is an addictive medication that you know all too well how that goes and decide what you are willing to do.
if you are just taking one when you REALLY need it then do that, but keep trying to back off of it with otc medications.  you are very much aware of what can happen and you do not seem to be kidding yourself.  think of addiction like having a gorilla locked in the basement.  you are opening it a little more each time you take it.  just don't let him bust down the door and take over your life

[Sweetness91]

Ugh it is just sooo discouraging right now. I wanted to be completely off the pain meds by now. My husband is helping all he can, and I can't ask much more from someone who is already working 72 hrs a week. And the kids...well that's just a whole story in itself. I get tired of asking and begging, so I'd rather try to do it myself. Sorry...I'm just so stressed and tired of this situation. :(

[lulu747]

Honey I am in the same boat as you and the only advice I can give is try to take it easy on yourself so you don't need to take as much meds.  You have a broken bone and I know you have to work, but as for the housework and such you NEED to get help so you can rest.  Can your hubby help out more?  A friend or family member?  I know it's hard to ask for help and you want to be superwoman but this can lead you down that path of having to take more pills.  I'm at the busiest time of year with my business.  I am in horrible pain that is exacerbated by any movement.  So I work from bed all morning, go in and teach my classes, and then come directly home and back to bed.  It su&*^ but I only have to take 2 pain pills at night, whereas on active days the pain is so bad I have to take up to 5 throughout the day just to function.  My lovely boyfriend is picking up the slack doing the majority of the house cleaning and cooking, and I have friends and family doing my grocery shopping and helping to drive me places (driving standard one of the most painful things in my condition)  I don't like it AT ALL.  But it's worth it for me to not have to up my dose.
Be gentle with yourself.  You didn't break your bone on purpose.  Stay on guard, take good care, and you will be okay.
You got this...
Lu