Please Help Me

[Scaredandalone1981]

First of all, I am so glad that I found this site for support. I hate that everyone here has/is going through something so awful but at the same time I get comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this battle. I have been on Hydrocodone for right at 4 years now and I know I have a problem. I started out taking them only as prescribed for my migraine headaches. After a few months I wasn't only taking them for headaches, but I'd catch myself taking them just because they were there and I knew they'd make me feel good. You should also know that I just recently (within the past month) broke my 7 year addiction to Xanax. It was harder than I couldv'e ever imagined but I knew it was time to stop taking them. I was prescribed 1mg tablets and was supposed to take them 3 times daily for my nerves. I never really abused the Xanax by taking more than prescribed, but if I didn't take it on time, I had horrible panick attacks and withdrawal which is what made me see that I had a problem and needed to stop taking them. I stopped cold turkey. Withdrawal lasted a few days, maybe a week. It wasn't easy by any means but now that those are gone, I'm half way done with my battle! I still get the script for my Hydrocodone once monthly (only one refill left though) and honestly, I take them way too frequently (1 of the 10/500 every 2-4 hours throughout the day/evening while I'm awake) my refill isn't due for a week and I'm having major withdrawal. I guess I am just on here looking for support and people that can relate to what I'm going through. Does anyone have any recommendations on what I can do to get through this without relapsing? I do not want to take other meds to break this addiction. I want to be totally clean! God I am so scared. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so ashamed that I can barely look at my son or husband. I'm only 12 hours clean right now, and honestly, if I had some here I know I'd take one just to stop the withdrawal. If you all could just give me some encouraging words, anything really would be wonderful and greatly appreciated. I hope and pray that I can stay clean and that in a week when I can get my refill, I have the strength to call the pharmacy, have it voided out, and never look back!!!

[Scaredandalone1981]

Thanks again everyone. I'm still hanging in herre and hoping for the best. I talked to my husband last night. I got kind of a mixed reaction. I told him that he didn't know how bad my addiction is and I explained to him that I've taken at the very least 10mg of codeine every single day for 4+ years now. That I had never made it 24 hours before, that last night was the first time. He said he was glad that I found this site and really am trying hard to quit. That being said, when I felt like I was dying last night, when I was crying and my bodywas hurting and jerking all over, the only thing he said was "sit down and relax." He hoestly didn't make an effort at all to try and help me and at one point he said exactly what I knew he would..."I told you a long time ago to quit taking them and that you had a problem." He is right, he did tell me that, but I really want...No, I need, his support right now and he's shown that he's not really going to help me through. I know I have to do this for myself but I think it would help to have support around me at home. Even though when I'm not on here, I'm alone in this, I won't give up. I want to quit with all my heart and soul so I'm going to keep pushing through!

[Dezdon]

Well, Congrats! I have been following your post closley and I have to say, your awe- inspireing. I love the way you keep coming back and reposting. It brings back the feelings of last time i tried to quit.
  I know what you mean by the feelings in your stomach and ribs. i get them in my back and arms bad, kinda twisting feeling. I found laying on my side in bed helped them alot. I also got out of bed and walked around the house alot. If it wasnt for that twisting feeling, my w/d's arnt too bad. I also took alot of asprin and Lyrica as prescribed. It makes me relax and feel sleepy.
  I didnt catch what your husbands reaction was when you had the talk. I hope it was suportive, how can it not be, your trying to better yourself.
  Now, Im no angel, but I will relay what has been said on this board over and over.."After-care" is SOOOOOOo important! catch a meeting and stay close to this board. I am blown away by the suport that is given here. There are some awsome people here.
  Keep up the good work and keep coming back!
peace,
-Dez

[andie15]

I am so glad to hear you are doing a little better and every hour that passes you will feel even better still, keep up the good work, we look forward to hearing from you.

[gizzy32]

good for you. you won't regret this and sound to be in good spirits so early on. you right, being positive can make all the difference in the world. good luck on your recovery, be proud of yourself for doing this.

[Scaredandalone1981]

Well. I made it through the first day and now I'm officially on Day 2 :) The crazy part is that in like 11 hours I'll be 48 hours clean. Thank God I slept a little last night. I woke up off and on alot because my legs were so restless, but sleep wise I'm definetely feeling a little better today that yesterday! I'm to the point now where I'm kind of just going throught the motions. Hitting the 24 hour milestone was a big deal for me and it gives me hope that I really can do this! I just keep looking at my son and coming on here for support and encouragement. Everytime I start to get a craving or am having bad w/d, I just tell myself, "Don't throw away the last 37 hours" "Look at how much you've already been through" "Do you really want to have to go back to square one?" and that helps a little to get me through. Today is cleaning day, then watching movies all night. Whatever I can find to pass the time has become my new bestfriend! I will make sure to update everyone later today. I hope everyone is doing well! Keep your heads up and I know it's hard but try your best to stay positive. :)

[sissynumy]

So many great people that give support , I wish you continued success. It helps to read all these stories and motivates me even more with my tapering even though its only day two of tapering. It does help to know there are so many people that help and care and have been through it. Keep it up you are doing wonderful.