Please Help Me

[Scaredandalone1981]

First of all, I am so glad that I found this site for support. I hate that everyone here has/is going through something so awful but at the same time I get comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this battle. I have been on Hydrocodone for right at 4 years now and I know I have a problem. I started out taking them only as prescribed for my migraine headaches. After a few months I wasn't only taking them for headaches, but I'd catch myself taking them just because they were there and I knew they'd make me feel good. You should also know that I just recently (within the past month) broke my 7 year addiction to Xanax. It was harder than I couldv'e ever imagined but I knew it was time to stop taking them. I was prescribed 1mg tablets and was supposed to take them 3 times daily for my nerves. I never really abused the Xanax by taking more than prescribed, but if I didn't take it on time, I had horrible panick attacks and withdrawal which is what made me see that I had a problem and needed to stop taking them. I stopped cold turkey. Withdrawal lasted a few days, maybe a week. It wasn't easy by any means but now that those are gone, I'm half way done with my battle! I still get the script for my Hydrocodone once monthly (only one refill left though) and honestly, I take them way too frequently (1 of the 10/500 every 2-4 hours throughout the day/evening while I'm awake) my refill isn't due for a week and I'm having major withdrawal. I guess I am just on here looking for support and people that can relate to what I'm going through. Does anyone have any recommendations on what I can do to get through this without relapsing? I do not want to take other meds to break this addiction. I want to be totally clean! God I am so scared. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so ashamed that I can barely look at my son or husband. I'm only 12 hours clean right now, and honestly, if I had some here I know I'd take one just to stop the withdrawal. If you all could just give me some encouraging words, anything really would be wonderful and greatly appreciated. I hope and pray that I can stay clean and that in a week when I can get my refill, I have the strength to call the pharmacy, have it voided out, and never look back!!!

[andie15]

My husband has always been very forgiving of my problem and I have just realized how lucky I am for that but as far as he knows, I have been clean for the past 4 months now.  I could not let him know that I slipped, I could not disappoint him again and around that time we was starting to get annoyed with me about it and when I asked him advise about it his response was "I don't know what you should do, I just want this to be over with". I knew then that I had to do this by myself and for myself.  So essentially I am too going through this with only this forum to help me, but it is helping me, just keep typing, as long as you need to to get out whatever you need to say and what you are feeling, it really helps.  I don't know if you listen to music at all but that helps to take your mind off of it.  It is so easy to get those pills, but hard as hell to get your life back, what is more worth it?  You know the answer to that, just like I do, now you have to take control and it can be done, you will see that hours turn into days and sooner than you know you will feel better, I promise.  These are the things that I have been saying to myself for years now and I have never listened to myself until now and you know what? I WAS RIGHT!  It's such a release.  Just remember this, It's incredibly easy to slip downhill, it's much harder to climb back up"  Just start climbing, you can do it, I promise.

[Scaredandalone1981]

I just wrote down what you said on a piece of paper and stuck it in a place where I knew I'd see it all throughout the day to give me strength and encouragement. I love that...It's incredibly easy to slip downhill, it's much harder to climb back up!" That is SO true. Wow. Almost 16 hours clean now! It doesn't seem like long, but to an addict that has been awake all night throwing up from withdrawal, it is 16 hours to be proud of!!!

[andie15]

That's something to be really proud of.  Now think back to hour one, I bet you didn't think that you would make it this far and in another 8 hours, you have one full day and that's awesome.  Like i said, keep typing all day if you have to, just immerse yourself in something to take your mind off of it.  You might feel awful physically and mentally as well (doesn't sound too encouraging, I know :)) but that's the truth, no need to sugar coat it, but in the back of your mind you will have some solace that you are doing the right thing and that's what gets bigger and takes over your mind more than "I need a pill" .  YOU DON'T NEED A PILL.  Just keep thinking that. You don't. I promise you will start very soon to feel mentally better with every passing hour and then day you don't take a pill. It makes the physical side of it easier to tolerate because you know that you have to suffer to get what you want.  It's not easy at all but Its an awesome feeling and I want you to get to the point where you feel that too, it will come quicker than you know.

[Scaredandalone1981]

I'm still here...And about every 5 minutes I have to snap myself out of it before I pick up the phone to start the hunt to find a fix. 16 hours 20 minutes! Every half hour helps. It gets me closer to the 24 hour mark and that is my first goal. Starting with 24 hours, then 36, then 48, and so on and so on. I took a Gingeroot capsule and 2 Benadryl to see if that would help with the nauseousness a little. No more Benadryl though. I don't want to fix one problem by starting another. The Gingeroot is natural though and I pray it helps. My husband gets home around 5:00pm and I plan on telling him about my attempt at being clean. I'm sure he'll laugh it off or make a wise crack like yeah right sure you won't take anymore, but I will feel better once I tell him. And when I succeed, I will be able to tell him that I was right and I knew I could do this if I put my mind to it! I just keep looking at my 3 year old for strength. It's amazing how someone so small, without saying a word, can give you such strength and encouragement!

[andie15]

Don't pick up that phone, you will respect yourself so much for it, I can't tell you  how good that one thing will make you feel.  And I wanted to say, I don't mean to be preachy, I am just trying to think of what I can say to help, so I'm just saying everything.  It is really helping me too to get all of this out and I hope it's helping you to read it.  If I knew I was really helping someone like me, going through what I'm going through, that would really be one of my life's greatest accomplishments.  Getting clean forever would be the first great accomplishments of course, for both of us.

BEFORE YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE, SIT DOWN AND TYPE FIRST.  PLEASE PROMISE YOU WILL DO THAT.

[Scaredandalone1981]

You truly are helping me! 17 hours and I haven't picked up the phone! Every time I start to, I look at my little boy and get back on here and post. I feel awful but I know it will be worth it. I'm looking online to see if there are any local NA support groups that I can go to for additional help. I am SO ready for this to be over!