Work a trigger?

[ang_811]

Well I figured out that work is a trigger for me!!! Usually when I have triggers I try to avoid the things that cause me to have triggers. I can't avoid my job!!!! B4 I would lov it when we r busy, I'm a server. I was used to flying around and waiting tables and being busy. Now I just want it 2 b slow!!! That's problem no. 1.. Problem no 2.... Is where I work pills r everywhere. Every1 does them and I can get them from ne1 just like that!!! Yes it's that easy that's probally my addiction got so out of control. So when I'm at work not only do I have triggers but I also have temptation. It's been 2 years since I had a pill and 17 days since I quit suboxone. While I was getting maintain treatment I never bothered me when people were using at work. Now since I'm of the sub I find it bothers me alot!!!!! I'm not as invincible as I thought I was... I'm not going to use, I'd hate myself for using... I'm just saying it's hard and wondering if ne1 else feels th same as me.. Or if ne1 could give me some advice on what to do.

[ang_811]

i know it is tuff! but u feel better once u get thru it and know u did it sober. as soon as i get to work i think ,, ok what can i do to sit down?  its ridiculous!!!! i also keep thinking about the days where i used to work all the time and even showed up and hour early... get this i did it all while i was clean and sober b4 i had an addiction. so i know i did it once and i know i can do it again...its hard.

merrymaria... ur comment was very comforting.. it helps to know that u have been thru this and it has gotton alot better for u. i just cant wait.

htownnofrown...great post that helps alot to..

[newstart730]

Wow, I just went through this entire thought process tonight at work.  I'm a server/bartender as well, and it can be effin TOUGH to be running around on your feet for 7 or 8 hours before you get a chance to sit down.  I just completed day 4, and I had been feeling pretty good, but all the aches and boredom seemed to spring back up at work tonight.  All those thoughts and cravings you had, I totally get it.  I know it's going to be a serious adjustment for awhile.  I think I have worked while on a pill high 95% of the last 3 years.  That's scary to me.  What is helping me is thinking of the days before I used and trying to remember how I dealt with things. I was capable of doing everything without the pills before, and I am going to do it again.

Just wanted to let you know that I totally get where you're coming from!  Great work and stay committed.  It'll get better, it has to :)

[jayeye]

thanks for that post........i needed to hear that right now

[Htownnofrown]

Here's my take on it. Triggers are specific instances or situations in which we recognize that we feel like using. There is a bigger picture, however.

All triggers can be grouped into one general statement about our attitudes as addicts: we have become incapable of dealing with life on life's terms. I'm upset about my relationship, I want to change the way I feel. I'm stressed at work, I want to change the way I feel, etc etc..

The key to my sobriety and overall sanity comes down to my willingness to accept life on life's terms, and the tools AA/NA has given me to do this. I had a drug problem because I had a life problem. The using was merely the symptom of a bigger disease. Address the inner issues and the addiction becomes obsolete.

Good Luck to you!

[dominosarah]

You are in a tough place right now.  My only advice is to get to some meetings.  Surround yourself with healthy people and some new job opportunities may open up........Stay strong.

[merrymaria]

first congrats on your clean time....i know exactly what you are saying and feeling....i m a bartender and drugs are all around me too....pills are the big thing right now...i just passed 2 years clean and at first it was very hard going back to work sober...they gave me so much false sense of confidence, energy and happiness.....since being clean i ve been offered pills a few times...even received 1 as a tip wrapped in a dollar bill....and had cravings from he LL the first 6 months....what helped me was when seeing a pill deal or seeing someone take a pill was to remember how unhappy the person is...i know....it made me feel good to know i was above that now and could live life without...no more worries or fake highs...i feel i m better than ever now in my job...more alert not in a daze and it feels good...it feels good to be back at my job sober like i was 23 years ago when i first started...you re going to be great...keep on going..maria :)

[jayeye]

im on my 10th day of sobriety and let me tell you work was also my biggest trigger.....i would have to do at least 60mgs of oxy just to get out of bed and go into that hell hole.....i would be in the shower and think to myself man i hope get in to an accident anything to not go there......so i took a weeks vacation detoxed called HR and told them i need a leave......im not getting paid, although there is a good chance i get short term disablity threw my benifits, im not gonna stress it even if i dont......the bottom line is my life is more important then money.....happiness is more important then money...see the pattern

[s4i2c3k]

The longer you go the easier it is to control those thoughts, its almost like with people that have eating disorders, they get bored and think they are hungry all of a sudden and want snacks like they are gonna starve, but the craving only lasts for like 15 mins and goes away because your body realizes it dont need it, i treat those thoughts of relapse like hunger cravings.

[ang_811]

Wow!!! Thank u everyone for the support. Ur right it does help to talk about it.... I know everytime I work sober I feel like it makes me stronger. Even though it's a big struggle most of the time... Work went good tonight. Weds r always easy there r really no1 there that I know about that use... The rest of the week is what I'm worried about. Thinking bout it makes me sick on my stomach. Hopefully it will get ezr as more days go by. Itsjust alot to take on living clean again.  Thank goodness I worked ther b4 my addiction and know I'm actually a good worker. I found myself getting busy 2nght and saying I need to get a pill to have more energy to wait on all these tables, I haven't thought that n a long time... That's what I'd do b4 when we got busy I'd hurry up an take a pilll...This is actually going to be alot tougher then what I thought it was going to be.....

[s4i2c3k]

Gives me a pride feeling knowing that its infront of me and im not doing it....its almost like an addiction. dont know if that helps but it does me.

[rafecu]

Its almost natural for a  recovering addict to Have these thoughts. Especially with you just quiting the Subs. I know work was where i loved to use also. Its ok to have these thoughts but don't act on them and continue to do just what you did, And that's talking about it. The thoughts do get easier to handle as time goes by.  

[gnarly_1]

HI Ang....well this is a tuff one....you have to work to survive  but you have to survive to work....being arond the pills has got to be hard especially early in recovery...your going to have to relie on aftercare teaching you skills and giving you tools to learn how to cope
if this ant enough and after time your still overwhelmed by it you very well might have to switch jobs...for starters remember the self talk....keep telling yourself the negative aspects of the pills....the fact that you dont want to be chained to a bottle any more
that you dont want to go threw life numb to feelings that they lead to institution jail or even death...using is not an option any more...I get what your saying about it being hard its got to be...its eazy to romance the high especially if everyone seams to be enjoying them selfs on them...just remember the ball and chain and all the things you missed out on being high...living life sober is so much more rewarding then living in a fog ..you have came to far to give in Ang you can do this its just going to take resisting the temptation ...paint an ugly picture in your mind about what addiction is all about and go there when you get tempted ...hang in there your stronger then you think
and always go to God with your weakness he will always give you an out ...pray for that God protects your mind when your at work...this is going to be a real fire and ice test but you can get threw this Ang you'll make it good luck and God bless....Gnarly        

[IBKleen]

I hear you that you can spot someone a mile away.

Ang, I have to suggest that you join a support group such as NA. I don't recommend it right out in the public forum very often but in your case I think you would really benefit from it. Yes, I have used this site for years and I also did counseling for years but the support group is different. It is from the fellowship that I have made all of my friends. And while drugs are just about every where I go, I am almost always with someone who is recovering. It is such a huge change for me since my active days and another part is I can pick up the phone when I feel a craving or when I am uncomfortable in a situation (which I usually avoid).

In this economy I don't know that you are in a position to give up your job? If that is not possible then try anything you can to surround yourself with recovery and recovering people.

[el_em_en_oh]

And I have to say, this is an AWESOME topic for discussion.

I think a lot of us, early in our sobriety, try and do the right thing by changing that ONE thing (everything), but we often neglect to change the place where we spend 75% of our time... work. Work's quite often a HUGE trigger, and because we were so freaking buzzed out of our brains in our using days, we never noticed just how stressful work actually was (through the drug/alcohol induced haze;-).

Great topic Ang and I have nothing but congratulations and ~pats on the back~ for you and your continued sobriety;-)

[ang_811]

Thank u everyone fo ur advice... I'm off to work for now!!! Yipeee!! I'll let u guys all know how it goes. Thanks again!!!!

[tiggz1977]

ya work was a huge trigger for me I was doing advanced technical support for a telco an then gaming on world of Warcraft was a huge huge trigger for me I have decided that my recovery was most an first most important! I left my job and stopped playing world of Warcraft and am now 9 days clean. I'm poor I'm broke I can't play my favorate game but ya know something, I'm drug free! I am drug free. I'm looking for a job was collecting unemployment but due to the facist republicans no longer collecting. so it's hard for me now, but I can honestly look back and say I needed to do it. everyone is different, and with the economy the way it is right now I wouldn't recomend it. but this is something I did. God bless  

[el_em_en_oh]

If sobriety means as much to you as you say it does, and your working environment truly is a big trigger for you, I fear your sobriety is in jeopardy if you stay there.

Early in our sobriety, we're fragile. I'm not an old-timer by any stretch of the imagination, but very early on in my own sobriety, I'm not sure I could have been in the position you're in (IE: surrounded by pills & users), and resisted temptation.

It's best to REMOVE the temptation, by removing yourself from the environment. Tough reality, but there you have it.

No one said sobriety was easy!

[ang_811]

How do u deal with it

[ang_811]

Even though I have changed all my freinds, deleted the numbers out of my cell , and thought I had no way to get pills I left out one thing and it's my job!!! I've been there for 7 years. I started b4 my addiction, worked their during my addiction and now I'm working sober there while I'm n the early stages of my recovery.  My recover is so important to me. It means everything to me.  

[ultimatebattle]

pills r everywhere u go, thats my problem too

[ang_811]

This site and I just started seeing an addiction specialist last week but he's on vacation this week. Yes it's very tough....u know as an addict we have a 6th sense and that is we can tell when sum1 is high.  That's how it is fo me neways... I made myself a list of stuff to do when I get cravings so Ill just go by that list.. Excersise clean a movie but I don't k ow what 2 do at work!!!! I dread going to work nemore bc of the situation there...it's hard and I thought of me relapsing makes me sick on my stomach!!!

[el_em_en_oh]

You're going to hate hearing this, but change jobs if it's that much of a problem.

You only have to change one thing to maintain sobriety. That one thing?

EVERYTHING

The people you hung out with, the places you used to go, the things you used to do. Everything has to change, and if your work is a big trigger and you're surrounded by the old people, places & things... it's time to leave.

My 2 cents.

[IBKleen]

That has got to be hard. What do you do to combat the cravings? Are you involved in a support group of any kind?