Relapse Central

[Fireby29]

Well folks, unfortunately I have to admit that I relapsed on day 12.  I do not get a script anymore, but to make a long story short, a family member got one and I was weak.  So i spent 12 days or so taking 20-30mg of the hydro at night.  Makes me angry, because while I have been abusing the stuff for sure, I have not doctor shopped, stole, used other peoples stuff (mostly) and never bought any from anyone.  So this a bit of a new low.

Does not matter I suppose, addiction is addiction.  Anyway, I am on day 5 of another attempt and am doing my usual deal of looking in here for support from reading so many stories from others like me.  The good news is that I have told some family to never offer it to me again, that I did not want it, so maybe that is a final source closed off.  I am looking forward to really putting some distance between me an my days clean number now.  Hope everyone is as well as can be.

Bryan

[ImDONENoMore]

So true - but I promise you, the euphoria you get naturally (eventually) will feel a whole lot better than the pills ever did.  And it's great that your wife is so supportive - forgiveness by our loved ones is key to getting better.

Just go slow and keep those expectations for feeling better quickly in check and you'll get there.  I always found when I got ahead of myself I felt worse.  Staying in the moment helps a ton.  And GOOD for you for realizing your slip and taking action.  Some people don't do that - so feel proud because you should be.  :)

[selfinduced]

I feel you are there. The euphoric phase is short lived. Try a meeting just for giggles. Buy books ti inspire. You have a great life ahead, do it on your terms. Treat this as a life long project. keep it simple  and stay true. Good luck xoxox

[Fireby29]

Well, it is an interesting question.  I feel like I have done almost everything I need to at this point minus NA or therapy.  I want to try it without it.  I have a very supportive wife, she knows I want to stop and is putting up with my not being the happiest guy right now and understands.  I was/am the kind of addict where no one could tell I was popping pills at night.  Very functional and successful with life, probably too much so.  I am just sick of counting pills and feeling "off" when I do not have any.  I want to get my old life back where I could be just as euphoric without pills.  Great suggestion, I know the value of it, maybe I am just not there yet.  

Bryan

[selfinduced]

As you know, you aint alone in this merry go round of these rain dear games. We  have all been there. Wake up, give yourself the pep talk and move on. We are here to support you. Seems you may need to isolate from any user family or friend users? Do you have a support system you can freely unload on? Stay the walk. you will do this. xo

[IwillDoThis]

Hey there - don't beat youself up, you can't change the past only make better choices in the future for yourself if you want to stay clean.  Putting up roadblocks (i.e. telling people NOT to offer them) is a great start.  Putting barriers in between yourself and getting pills is a smart thing.  

What are you doing for after care?  Any meetings, therapy?  In the beginning I didn't see the value in it quite honestly but as I get further on my path I definitely see it is an important key component.  We all get weak, we can all rationalize just about anything so having a lifeline to reach out to in a moment of weakness can really help.

Keep moving ahead and don't look back.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Bryan,  I wouldn't worry to much about your relapse! I'm certainly no expert, but from what I've seen and read, relapses seem to be a part of the recovery process! I don't think I've ever read one success story that didn't involve a relapse at some point! I think it can make you stronger!

You sound strong and committed! You will make it! I wish you the best and good luck! You are inspiring to folks like me who still struggle!