Relapse no support from spouse

[Bida77]

I'm an addict!! I've been using about 16 years off and on!! I'm trying to sober up once again!! I was clean for 1 month and 10 days!! But this time Im being honest to my husband even though it was so hard!! I thought he would have been more supportive

[Bida77]

I've been talking with my husband!! I opened up and told him how much I need him!! Thank you all it's helped me so much!!! I'm on day 4 since my relapse!! Taken it one day at a time!!!

[lulu747]

(((MANGEL)))

Bida...
Mangel has expressed so profoundly and beautifully the truth at the heart of the matter...
The shame that we feel needs to be exposed to the light to release it's hold on us.  Hang on to the hope in your heart and utilize it for healing.  Love and respect are the right of every human being...And the hardest person for us to find compassion and forgiveness for is often ourself.  You are worth it...
Lu

[rnangel]

You are so welcome. Sometimes I look back at my comments and am gobsmacked that I share such intimate details. I remember feeling like such a freak and that no other addict was a bad as me. My addiction weighed heavy on my conscience. I have a good job and am well respected by my peers. Nobody would ever guess what my off time consisted of. I'm a caring nurse and go the extra mile to connect with the most vulnerable patient populations. My addiction has taught me to respect ALL people. My suffering has given me a deep sense compassion that I must share with others. Until finding this forum I felt hopeless and alone. I had relapsed and felt like a failure. Then one day I realized that all I'm guilty for is poor judgement. That's it. I AM NOT MY ADDICTION! I can turn my life around at anytime I choose. I had to work on dealing with alot of anger, grief and resentment from my past if I was to find happiness living in the present. I'm not gonna lie...recovery isin't a bed of roses, but I'd take 100 "bad" days in recovery that even 1 day using.

My husband is supportive and is the world's greatest listener. No he has never went to Alnon..etc, nor does he want to at this point. I think he just wants to forget this whole relapse ever happened. It is painful and difficult for him to accept. I go to meetings at least 2 times a week. He knows I am active in this forum and encourages me to reach out to others. I feel a duty to embrace the pain others are experiencing. I want people to know there is hope. Addiction does not discriminate. The most important thing for me to remember is that I'm vulnerable to relapse. Without accepting this fact I will never own sobriety. Yes, I take each day one at a time. But the difference is...I don't think life is a crapshoot. I do have the power to shape my future. We ALL do. You can do this. Meth is a deadly drug and I know the psychological pull of amphetamines all too well. Arm yourself with the attitude that you are worth the effort. You are courageous and can take your life back today. You are beautiful and worthy of love and respect. Now just convince Bida of that ;o) Heartfelt hugs xox

[theaddict]

and sometimes it's not easy for others who haven't been in this position to understand fully, what we're going through. give it time, and know that you've got a huge support system here on the forums!

[Bida77]

Im at lost for words. That's a first for me. All I can say is thank you thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!! I know there's hope !!

[Bida77]

Thank you

[rnangel]

Hey there, I can totally relate to the control issue. It did not help me get clean. It made me feel violated and degraded. In fact, I think it perpetuated my using because I was so angry and stubborn, doing exactly what I was told not to do. Anyhow I finally wrapped my hard head around recovery and have been cocaine-free since Nov 18/11.

I remember the times I came home and my husband wrestled me for my drugs. Removing my clothes and carefully inspecting them. If I didn't do it willingly he would make me. I was so pissed off let me tell you. I still get angry thinking about the extremes he went to. Trying anything to scare me into sobriety. But then again, I was extreme. My addiction was so fierce and it was not letting go still I was a corpse. Looking back I can see how my anger was my addiction trying to protect itself. I'm not saying this was the right thing for him to do but as a non-addict he was at a loss for understanding.

I hope you can sit down with your hubby and tell him how you are feeling. I like the suggestion about attending a meeting together. When you have the strength and courage to dig deep and find the emotional roots as to why you use then you are better able to battle the beast. Recovery is a heartfelt transition and only when WE are ready and willing, are WE able to start healing. Keep us posted on how you are doing...good or bad. No judgement here. Sending you support in anyway we can :o)

[bama88]

Why is it hard to talk to your husband?? Is it shame? Is it the thought of him judging you? Or that he might leave? All of the above lol?

I know how hard it was for me to ask for help and my hisbands an addict too!! So i can only imagine the struggle of telling a non addict.  However...how long have you been married? Any kids in the picture? Whats your daily use? And how much money are ya goimg thru?

Im not trying to bring ya down...just helping you see the whole picture from his side! Hes worried...upset...disappointed..scared hes going to or feels like he has lost you to the drugs..

But i bet if you talk to him. Open up your heart..cry out fpr help..he will help. Hes your husband...in.sickness and in health was part of your vows...and baby your sick. Addiction is a disease that ruins lives!!!! Not only yours but everyone around you!

What do you have to loose at this point? What  more could and will go wrong!! Jail devoirce and the real possibility of you dieing!!

I challenge you to first write down what you want to say..how you feel.. What you need..and talk.from your heart...if you need to practice do it alone in front of the mirror...and write it down..tell him alone.. Start with i love you...i need you..help me...i cant do this without you...i want to be the woman you fell in love with.  I bet youll be suprised at what he will say....i bet he wants to help you....i bet he wants to.trust you....this is hard on him too. I know that once you both get on the same.page...he will.support you..and he wants to help...again what do you jave.to loose by asking him....hugs bama

[dominosarah]

Your actions speak louder than words at this point.  Your husband has every right to not trust what you are saying as he has lived this insanity too.  Family members take the brunt of our addiction.  All you can do right now is take care of you as that is what is important.  Recovery care will help you.  Recovery care will help him.  Focus on getting better, for you, you are worth it~~sara

[Bida77]

U just told me my life story!! But it is so hard for me when it comes to my husband!! I love him I know I do !! But when he starts telling me that I'm putting him threw it again!! I tried talking to him but he makes it about himself he always has!!

[bama88]

Hi..
I read your post and what a sticky situation...im.gonna try to see it from both sides. So bear with me..i know you need help. Very few people.can beat addiction by themselves. Its hard!! And you need support. To talk about why you use..triggers..moods..friends..what benifits you get from using etc...na/aa meeting here on the forum. Etc. And.a spouse should be part.of this. But many are not. They just dont understand because theybare not addicts..they think we.can turn some.switch off.and bingo were.done. Were clean. Wish it was that easy. Lol

they want.us to stop. So with that being.said...he sounds like hes worried about you. Thats why hes putting.a tracker.and other stuff...but thats rhe wrong.type of.help. Hes making you sneakier...more.paranoid..more upset...it prob hurts you more when hes acting.like.this...but he does love you. He cant trust you..can you trust you?  See? Your in a visious cycle...i know. Ive sneaked around. Ive done alotnof.crazy bad desission making myself. And my hisband did the same...had me followed with his friends..accussed.. He could score but not a.girl lol. Think about that...he could score but not me!! Said its no place for.a woman..hahaha. I learned how to outscore him. Not a good thing. Just my thing.

Have you actually sat.down and.talked heart to heart? I mean really let it all.out? I did. And i was supprised.when i cried out how supportive everyone became. Yes he might scream cuss and maybe not talk for.a.few days. But if he loves you he wants the best for you. He will need help.too. Alanon... And na for you. You dont have to be clean to go. You just show up. Ive been to meetings high as a kite. Sober as.a judge..but i try everyday to do the right things.

This is a self.discovery process. For both of you. When your ready to.reach out for help. And here you are...things will.slowly change.for.the better. Stick around here. Youll.find good people.who will.support you. Im a pillhead. A past.cokehead. And an.alcholic...i am trying to be a better me. For me. When do you want to be the best you?   Your friend...bama

[Bida77]

Thank you so much!!

[Bida77]

Thank you so much!!

[MikeInFrance]

As hard and as difficult as it may sound and even impossible for some but sometimes we just need to remove ourselves from a situation for a while to work on US if you are truly committed to doing so! Please consider some professional help in this regard.

[gnarly_1]

you have to do this for you you cant keep playing the game it becomes deadly with brain damage kidney or liver failure DO THIS FOR YOU!!!..........Gnarly

[Bida77]

I understand completely. I tried celebrate recovery.i was quitting for all the wrong reason!! I wanted to please him and everyone one else. My life is an amusment park !! He is a bit of a control freak

[gnarly_1]

I know we all need support but a non/addict cannot understand what we go threw and in my opinion the detox is the ez part it staying clean that takes the work have you tryied N/A or A/A out?? that or a therapist or substance abuse counselor you need to start treating the disease
and get off the merry go round of detoxing clean using detoxing clean ext as addicts we need to change the very way we think and reason doing the same thing over and expecting different results is the true definition of insanity I am not trying to be cocky or harsh I rode the mery go round for 16 1/2 yrs so I was slow to pick up on recovery but once you do life can be a beautiful place once again good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[Bida77]

Crystal meth!! I've been with my husband since I was 15!! Im trying to be honest with him this time!! But in stead of support he changes the locks to the garage and put a phone tracker on my phone

[MikeInFrance]

Hi it can be hard for family to understand. Especially someone who has never been through the grasp that narcotics can have on a person. Sounds like you've been held hostage way too long. What R u taking and how much?