New here...I need Guidence

[Left_of_center]

Hello all....This is my first post because I need help.  I know I have a problem, may not be as big (hopefully), but I know it's getting worse and I want to stop it.  

Let me tell you briefly how it all began.  I've had pain medications before, never took them, never thought I had the need.  I remember having a bottle of percocet when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and only took 3 of them...I have no idea where the rest went, I probably threw them away.

A few years ago, I hurt my knee.  I was prescribed percocet and started to take them.  I did not take them initially to get high, I took them for what I needed them for.  After a while,  I found these also made me feel great.  I would take them here and there when I had them.  I was previously married, and my wife had breast cancer (she was very young).  When she passed away, I started to spiral downhill fast.  Very fast.  I didn't want to be sober.  I didn't want to be ok.  I was an empty shell phasing in and out of reality.  I have had a best friend for 15 years, and she saved my life during that.  She was there for me when I needed her.  I do tell her all the time how important she was during that time, but I really don't think she realizes, even to this day, how close I was to ending it (I also had a close friend get shot and killed in front of me when I was younger).  I don't want to sound like I"m whining...just trying to paint a picture.  Those events...I started turning to pills more and more

Back to my problem.  I've recently remarried to the women who saved my life, and the only one who has stood by me since early teens.  I hurt my back a couple years ago, and was put on a steady prescription of pain medication.  More times than not, I'm taking them to get a buzz, or to get my day going instead of for the pain.  I'm having to take more.  My addiction is starting to get out of hand.  I'm not having to go to the streets, I have been getting them legally, but I am tired of having to try and get refills early.  I am tired of getting prescriptions upped.  I feel like I am disappointing my family, myself, and anyone who knows me.  

So, in a nutshell, I have been on narcotics steady for over 2 years.  I have tried to stop cold turkey, and it lasted for 3 days.....I never want to experience that again in my life....but I will if that's what it takes.  I am fortunate, I have a great, loving and supportive wife, but I am so afraid of losing her.  I am so afraid of losing my family, my job, all because my life is being controlled by little, white demons.  I want to get control of this before it starts to control me more.  Before this, I was active, in shape, had a great body, fun loving and loved to go out.  Now, I'm non-active, out of shape, I don't like going out as much and I"m grumpy.  I need to get my life back, and give the love and respect back to my wife before it's to late (to be clear, she is not unhappy with me or leaving me, I just want to prevent it).  She deserves better than what I am now.  

What can I do to get control of this?  How do I ween myself off so I'm not dependent?  I'd like to be able to take them as needed, but I'm not sure if that is possible now.  I want to slow down.  It's not the fact I"m wanting to get high that's stopping me, it's just I feel like **** when I don't take as much.  I know I go through withdrawels when I don't take what I'm used to....But what I'm taking is far more than I need, and I know that.

Any advice, or is all of this stupid?

[worried878]

click up in the corner on ur inbox

[worried878]

k...i sent u a pm

[Left_of_center]

I want to taper

[worried878]

I think u may be right!  U r on a hefty dosedo u want to taper or ct?...  I work as well and tapered down and tok a 4 day weekend to quit...there are some things in the health pages called the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol...plus an articlee on tapering...if u r gonna taper, i would if i had to work...i would hand them over to ur SO to dole out each day to you....it also dpeneds on how fast u want to get it done....tapering is no fun and u feel a bit of wd during the process....anyway  read up ...i would not make my taper too long or u could lose motivation in the process....keep posting

[Friend999]

You want to get clean.  You have many reasons to get clean.

My best advice is to spend a lot of time on this forum.  Soak up all of the information, gain all the knowledge that you can, post and ask questions.  You will learn a lot so that you can make decisions. Then formulate how you will do this (i.e., a plan).  Then go for it, whether it be cold turkey, tapering, etc.  The plan should include everything, from telling your Doctor, staying on this forum, other aftercare, how to fight cravings, etc.

You want to get clean.  You have many reasons to get clean.  You know the alternative to not being clean.  It can be done.

Wishing you the best.

Friend999

[Left_of_center]

It's funny you ask that worried878....I just thought to myself "am I a junkie, am I an addict".  Then it dawned on me...if it's to the point I am asking myself this, and I'm taking more than I need....maybe I need to look at stopping before it gets out of hand and begins to ruin my life.  

[Left_of_center]

I am ready.  I'd say I take 140-160 mg of oxycodone a day (how bad is that for me?)  120mg of it is what is prescribed for me....I cannot take a week off from work, that is pretty much impossible.  I believe I do have somewhat self control, but I trust my wife to hand them out if needed....

[worried878]

Not stupid at all....pills grabbed me when i was down as well...like u had them prescribed over the years and could care less about them...then one day the timing is right...and they get their claws into you and they dont let go...til u shake em
U didnt mention ur dose so i dont know if u can take them as prescribed or not...i cant...if i have em..i take em...cant save em for a rainy day...do a test and try to take a minimal dose ...say 3...and see if u can....if u can not then u may need to start making plans to quit for good....most people post here because deep down they know they have lost the battle with taking pills responsibly...doesnt mean u r doomed...just means u may need to make some changes...i have seen people try to use after they hit the addiction point and it usually turns into a disaster....i am not quite sure u see yourself as an addict...what do u think?

[sadinmichigan]

of course it's not stupid...How much would you say you take a day..the thing about weaning is you must have self control or someone you can trust to hand them out to you..Another option..and one I choose for myself with almost everything is cold turkey..kinda like getting it over with..You already feel crappy when you don't have the "amount" your used to taking..so if possible..you could take a week and go cold turkey..prepare your mind..and check out the health pages with the thomas recipe (vitamins/supps) to help with the process..posting here is a great help too..Welcome..and we are all here to help..You can definately do this if you are really ready to..