Pills Are Ruining My Relationship

[StarwishXX]

I have been with the love of my life for almost 3 years.  He has been carried around in my heart for 27years as one of the 2 sweetest guys I ever knew. Than our paths crossed in 2007 and I thought finally, this is the only man God could have sent in my life. He has been a proud recovering alcoholic for 7years. However I believe he has been snorting/popping pills since.  When we first started dating he snorted a pill in front of me and I immediately told him I was not into that and went on about how cocaine had ruined my last marriage. He loves to smoke the green. Most do! I cant say I am against that for many reasons. Since that time I have found evidence that something was being snorted and he would pass it off to probably somebody that works for him. Then I actually caught him snorting a pill in March.  He promised me that he would never do it again.  Well my brother (43) died 5 weeks ago from a failing health. 3 weeks to the day my 17 yr old nephew found his dad he was involved in a bad accident and was in a coma for over a week had brain surgery we thought he was going to die. I spent a week in NC praying for my nephew in the critical intensive care. This alone was life changing for me.  While I was there my love was so hateful with me and sounded like he had rocks in his mouth and when I would ask if he was messed up he would say I am crazy! Well I drove all night after being there for a week (I have been an insulin dependant diabetic for 23 years and needed to get back for my medicine) I noticed as I was driving home 474 miles alone when I would speak with him he sounded so messed up. When I got home he was sleeping 3am. Next morning he said he had to finish the yard. It was the hottest day of the year but he had to go. Well I caught him again snorting that day. After a major fight he told me to get out of his life. He hated me! It has been almost 3 weeks since then. I called the people I thought may be able to reach him! After being away for only a week I could not believe how bad he looked, really really sick. He has lost 20 or 30lbs over the last year and he says it because of his nerves.  I have made him sick.I have to say there was a time it was great really great and I remember it. Though he is also dealing with being in denial of having bipolar disease which he was diagnosed and treated but decided when a month before we started dating he really didnt need to be on medicine for that and the dr was wrong. Well he makes me feel crazy when I question him about pills but my guts says different.  What are the signs how do you really know how bad the problem is if he hides it? My heart is breaking into pieces I dont want to leave him.  Please any advice would be great! Thank everyone in advance that may respond to this I feel so lost! May God bless us all!

[Beccabeccalynn]

I'm not sure if someone mentioned it already but have you thought about alanon? Try going to some meetings and get some of that stress out it can be a killer they will also help you to figure out what to do with your man. Becca

[Regretful239]

About the staying out all night, I wouldn't just assume he was doing coke. When I was taking pain pills I would stay up all night because I didn't want to go to sleep because I hated waking up so much.

[StarwishXX]

Thanks again for your time! It has been a few days since I have been on here.  Life seems to keep me so occupied with worring! I know things seem to be getting worse and he blames me for everything he has going wrong in his life.  It is so hard not to allow him to make me believe the things he says to me.  I love the lost man inside so so much and I have to let him go for him to hit bottom.  However I think he will blame me for the problems he faces.My heart is shattered I can't stand the feeling much longer.  He swears he is not doing any pills though I found half a pink in his pocket?? I am too old to sick to keep starting my life over.  I want a history with someone I wish it were him!! I will keep you posted.  This week we were suppose to take our children on vacation>>> He hasn't decided if my son and I can go with them.  

[jessiekauai]

I too was on so much pain meds, I woke up from my surgery ready to go with my tube still place. You have to understand it from his point of view. He sees you taking the patches, and that in itself is probably hard for him. It's almost like the pot calling the kettle black from his point of view. I would say it was coke he was on. The next times he kicks you out, stay gone. Don't go back until he has made a promise to get help or at least tell you the truth. He may need a dose of reality. As for you the fentanyl is strong medication.. I would be mindful of that. You already say your body is addicted. If his body is addicted, it's the same thing for him. Good Lucky, and let me know how it goes.

Jessica

[StarwishXX]

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. It is so hard because my friends and family are so pissed off at him for the constant get the F=ck out ok now you can stay.  2 days later get the F=ck out. Like this for a while. However as I mentioned before I am with many complications from diabetes, 2 herniated disc, severe endometreosis, I have had JRA arthritis since I was 13 years old. And the list goes on...with that info I have been on fentanyl patches for almost 7 years now.  It has been a battle with wd. So my love calls me a drug addict because I am on the patch.  Which happens to be one of the reasons I am so passionate about not abusing pain medicine. I have never used percocets or fentanyl to get high. I have smoked pot but that is it.  I do not take my oral meds as perscribed because I feel like it is too much and for somebody like me who will die while being on this medicine because chronic pain has been a part of my life as long as I can remember and with all I have it will only get worse for me. Which scares the **** out of me becuase my tolerance is so high from being on this for so long. So when I have had my past surgeries I woke up with breathing tube in and ready to get up and go.  Stay awake from that moment on and them not know how to treat your pain. So I do my best never have I ever taken more than 2 oral pain pills a day. Because lets face it when you have had the health I have you constantly are reminded that we will all die some sooner than others. My body is addicted (not by choice) but definitley my mind is not! I think that nite he stayed out he had been doing coke because it was a first. Usually he is down. I just wish this would all go away but this is no fairytale and I know I can't help him until he is ready to help himself. My heart is shattering because there is nothing I can do to stay with him.

[jessiekauai]

Sounds like a pill addict. Waking up pissed at the world. Do you think he could doing coke? The staying out all night, just doesn't sound like a pill addict to me. We are usually pretty content to get our pills, and try to lead a normal life. Plus,(I can only speak for me) not many of my old dealers were up at 2:15am. Usually you are in a pretty good mood when you are on  pills. About the sex thing, I'm not too sure if pills would have effected that much either. But, it could.

It may not be your relationship, just the drugs. For me to stop, it took my ex-husband getting arrested, and me wanting to step up to the plate for my children. Please the withdrawal was killing me every time I had to go through it. I'm not sure what it would take for him to stop, but he has to want to stop on his own.

[StarwishXX]

Thanks for your time to read.  There is so much I could add to this but it is so involved! All little things seem make a bigger picture! I feel like time will run before he can see it for himself. I have not seen him go thru any wd's.  I have been disabled for 8 years. I am 40yrs old with many complications of diabetes and other immune disorders due to a mis-diagnosis as a child. I have personally never known a day in my lifetime without having to take medicine daily to live. I would say that the stress I have been going thru has had a profound effect on my health. I am afraid that having to go will suck the life from me! with that being said back to my love. So much has happened the anger that he displays from waking up every morning has started pretty much with F--K F--K just grumbles for no reason! 2 weekends ago he went out with a friend and stayed out all night. 1st time ever!  I ran into him and the friend at 5:30 in the morning gettin my morning coffee and they looked really bad. I noted he had taken 250 dollars out of atm at 2:15 and had called a known pill popper/coke friend at 2:30.  Another noteable thing is the sex. I have deliberately slept totally naked or with something a little sexy to bed for over a week and he acts as if I am clothed. The last time I pleased him his junk seemed to be only semi-errect not usual for him. Though it was semi he released in the normal time. I feel like he doesnt want me! The week before that we had sex 3 nights in a row and then it just stopped! What is going on?? Is this the pills or is it our relationship? What does it take for them to be ready for help. What do I do??

[jessiekauai]

Signs...hmmm. Well, if he's on top of it one day, then sweating and not being able to get out of the bed the next day. If money is disappearing, and you question where that extra 100 went to. Is he meeting people you have never met for small amounts of time? (Running in and out of houses.)

Sounds like you have some of the symptoms now, but you just haven't seen it. Good Luck sweetheart. I can't tell you what to do, but he won't change until he is ready.