Signing Off

[kyle505]

Up late tonight, thinking about the comments I made earlier on another's thread, and the response by other folks on this forum. First, I want to apologize if I offended anyone - that was not my intent. It is obvious that my approach to things is different that a lot of the people who are coming here for help, or who are here to share and support.
When reading these posts I'm forced to remember my 15 plus years addicted to pills. Prior to that, I was addicted to alcohol. I'll be "sober" (a non drinker) for 30 years this July, but 15 years in I substituted meds for booze. Based on that dubious history, I tend to cut to the chase in some situations - when I read a complete stranger's words and hear my own BS and excuses in them, I want to get to the heart of it. I want to warn them about the pitfalls, even though I know that they may well choose a path different from the one I found myself on, but most addicts don't. I don't see enough early talk or caution about the mental side of addiction. I understand about being kind and gentle, but planting the seed of after care, dealing with sources, and being honest with yourself, well, that should be a part of the  message.
I think I just might have too much personal baggage - I wish I'd gone to more meetings years ago because, surrounded by addicts, in person, the talk is direct and cuts to the point, and I needed that. I'm the kind of addict who needed to be kicked in the butt; probably more than once.
Anyway, I'm going to sign off of the forum for good. After the last week or so, that's probably best. Thanks to those of you who've helped me so much. Each beautiful day I'm clean and enjoying life I'll think of you.

[ribs2k]

We all know what's in your heart and that your advice comes from wanting to help people. Don't let a misunderstanding take away all of the knowledge, advise and emotional support that this site needs and deserves from you. It would be unfair to the many people you have helped and will help in the future,(meaning myself included) for you to leave and take that away.
Thanks for reading,
Randy

[my_mayberry]

everyone has a different approach to giving advice here. a thread may get 20 responses and only 1 may be meaningful to the orginal owner of the thread....however, it takes all 20 responses and views to get that 1 that mattered.

your approach (whatever it may have been) may be exactly what someone else needs. i wouldn't know because i haven't read the post you speak of. still, its a shame to leave over one post.

[Bearclaw2]

Wow lulu, what wonderful tribute to an amazing man Kyle. People do come & go and it's hard to know if we've made a difference here. It's sad that when someone signs off, that is when they are told how much they are appreciated, how they will be missed. I have tried to help with posts and often feel overlooked, that my efforts are in vain, then wonderful people like selfinduced write me an appreciative inspiring private message that keeps me going, that I do make a difference. I feel addicts are blessed in that their ego's are stripped away and only the desire to love & help others remains...

[Map1944]

Sometimes the best thing for an addict is a swift kick in the ***.  Worked for me.  I doubt leaving the forum would be worth it

[lulu747]

Well CLEARLY I have missed something, and so while not able to comment on the specifics, I will say this.  Kyle comes from a place of love and wisdom.  He doesn't sugar coat, he tells it like it is, and does so selflessly and without ego involved.  This is a forum where we learn from one another and grow.  In my 6+ months on this forum I have seen MANY people come and go through the detox process and then disappear after a couple of weeks, never to return.  I think about them often and hope that they have found a way to stay clean.  Getting clean isn't about detox.  It's only the first, tiny little bit.  Staying clean is a LIFE LONG process which requires commitment, every moment of every day.  There are different recovery programs out there.  It IS important to have aftercare other than this forum.  We need to be accountable to people that we can't turn off with the flick of a switch.  

Anyways Kyle- I've been a part of your journey from day one and I am immensely proud of your hard work and commitment.  I also appreciate your wisdom and words on this forum.  I think your point of view is integral here.  As with anyone, people can take what they can from advice posted- and leave the rest.  Something that may upset one person, may be the key to someone else's "AHA!" moment.  I say stick around and keep shining light on the tough dark corners.  It is not always the best job, but someone's gotta do it!

xo
Lu

[dominosarah]

Kyle, i hope you will change your mind.  This forum needs your honesty~

[almostfree]

Hi Kyle , just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you , we started on the same day and have the same time . I'm not sure what happened and what was said but when and if you come back please get ahold of me , i will miss you and keep you in my prayers . keep on keeping on buddy !

[Bearclaw2]

I'm going to miss you Kyle. Your posts where a big reason I would come here to read. When I would see that 'kyle505' made a comment I would always read that thread looking forward to your comment. I always enjoyed your direct, experienced, straight shooting no fluff approach. It's great how people support one another here for the day to day struggles of detox/withdrawal but there are grave dangers for them in the coming months they don't know about yet and advice from experienced addicts like you, I, and others would be of great benefit to them in something more advanced like... "Addiction Substance Abuse Phase Two Staying Clean" I hope you have read all the comments here and know you helped many, and that you will be missed. Take that gold and keep it in your pocket for you have earned it. I hope you fair well my friend...  

[Pat1956100]

Hi Kyle and thanks for sharing all of your advice with so many of us.
I always read your posts and the main thing I don't like is when you say "as long as you have a source, you probably won't make it".  Those words scare the hell out of me and I think it's hard for someone to think they are going to fail on day 1.  For some of us it's impossible to eliminate all sources and to think that we are automatically going to fail is really scarey.
But what do I know????  I take a look at the clean time people have and I have total respect for the messages from people who have a ton of it,
they must have done and be doing something right to have been able to stay clean for so long.  They take the time to share and to help others after all this time makes them very special people.  
This forum needs the "experts".  It's easy to offer advice to others when we have 3 or 4 weeks clean.  I think we are still on that natural high from beating this and think we have all the answers.
It's people like you who have managed to stay clean for so long and still take the time to help others that I have total respect for.  You must be doing something right.  Imagine if this forum was just made up of newbies?  Sure we can give advice on how to get clean but we certainly don't know how to stay clean.
I don't think you have a choice here. You have to stay.  Lives are depending on it.
Much love and thanks
Pat

[Free2agoodhome]

Don't even sweat it man...I don't think you logged in to purposely give someone a hard way to go....honestly it's not your post that concerned folks it was the posturing and "let me tell youhow to stay sober"  stance a few people take.

yes Im alot like you ,,i was raised in AA..i kinnda like it.......been to vegas conferences, founders day, cooks forest...you name it.....

Tough love is appropriate in the right context...when I was 24 and newly sober...with a head full of "me"  yes a nice kick in the pants from a grizzled old timer was warranted...plus i knew an repected the old timers....

but.....had someone stuck a finger in my chest and tried to take my "inventory"  after sharing a strength story.......i think i would have never came back....


anyway...i would stick around man,,,,you have much to offer..


peace

[Fireby29]

Kyle,

I just wanted to say that I would prefer you stay.  Your perspective sometimes is a lot like mine, sometimes not.  But I for one dig someone around here who cuts right to it occasionally.  I respect you doing what you think is right for you however.  Stay strong brother.

Bryan

[minn66]

Kyle, just so you know, what offended me was how quickly some people jumped to conclusions and basically attacked Free and called him a liar.  He was posting about a personal victory and it turned into a feeding frenzy, comparing his posts and trying to use his own words against him. It was very mean spirited and not at all what I have come to know and love about this forum. Tough love is one thing, and I certainly don't believe in sugarcoating either, yet insulting someone and attacking them without knowing all the facts is quite another.

All the best,
Minn

[littlebit667]

Kyle, do what you feel best! I have found your words helpful and truthful!  You have a view that is straight forward and needed and would love you to stay with the forum!

[akitagurl12]

i promised myself that i was going to drop the incident from yesterday, but like u, it has been on my mind alot.  Nothing you said offended me.  In fact, it made me realize that up until this point MedHelp has been my primary aftercare and maybe it's time for me to take my recovery to the next level and start seeking out safe people and places in the real world too.  Anyways, Kyle, again your comments made me think & look at myself, and that is why i think it is so important that u keep sharing.  Some of us are just getting back into the groove of feeling emotions again for the first time in years and we are all just doing the best we can with managing them.   I hope you don't disappear for good.  I can understand maybe a break, i think i may need that.  But if u ever read something on here and feel a burning desire to respond, please do. Its important.  You remind me of a lighthouse in the middle of a dark ocean. :)

[selfinduced]

I hope you rethink your decision here. We all get our toes stepped on and feathers ruffled at some point when we are pouring our hearts and souls into these post. I'm sorry for the direction that the for mentioned post took, I am guilty of speaking my mind and also being direct in that post. Your advice over the last several months have been a valuable and NEEDED asset to this community. As in life we absorb what we deem worthy and dismiss the rest. What is unique about this forum is it's balance. There is the tough love with care, and the feel good people. Both to me are necessary and will appeal individuals differently. Anyway, Hope you stick around.

[gnarly_1]

I agree with Sara some times there is a time for a good kick in the a s s other times a more gentler approach is needed and we all confuse the to from time to time it ok to be wrong you said what needed to be said it ok no reason to leave the forum for that hang in there give it a day or so and you will feel different good luck and God bless.........Gnarly

[thewaz]

Your choice saddens me.  You have supported and guided me since the first time I found this forum on day 2.  I am now on day 32.  And your words, whether soft or otherwise, is what got me here.  Maybe some bad Karma floating around the last few days?  Regardless, I think the most important thing to remember is why we are all here.  Whether lurking to try to decide if we're ready, frightened and anxious now that we know we are ready, weak of spirit, mind and body in that first week and then totally confused post W/D week over temptation, weakness, energy, etc.  This forum, which includes you in a huge way, is what got me to this point.  I, quite sincerely, would never have gotten this far without this support.  We all know it is impossible to do this alone. As I'm a secret detoxer, this is my safe place.  A place I feel I can go and post my fears and weaknesses and not be judged rather supported and lifted.  You do that Kyle.

Emotions are running high and it's reached the point we need to all move on, start a clean slate ; ), and remember the whys of our posts.  We've experienced some successes.  We are not done with our journey.  Yet it is our gift and maybe our duty to give back and support those who need us.

Are you even aware of how many people you have helped?  Don't throw that gift away.  We need you.  I also think we need to remember that all personalities and vulnerabilities are wildly different.  People come here for guidance and advice when they have no other place to go.  This forum needs to be safe.  A place that can be trusted.  A place where there is no judgement.  We can be "tough" and be honest without judging.  I am not referring to you.  If a vulnerable and lost soul posts and feels judged, they will most certainly retreat.  Please stay and make sure that doesn't happen.

I thank you from my heart for all you've done for me in my journey.

[dominosarah]

Kyle, dont ever apologize for being who you are.  Many times on this forum the truth hurts.  None of what we say is meant in a mean way.  This addiction is deadly and there is nothing glamorous about it.  Please dont leave the forum over this.  We need the truth to be spoken~~sara

[smartgirlbadecisions]

i just got here and i understand how you feel. if you have helped people, then maybe it might just be time to move on in your life. theres nothing wrong with that..but the people on here are so helpful and im so grateful for this site. god bless you.

[Sonrissa]

DO NOT DO THAT! We, I do not want you to leave Kyle! I am one of those people you are referring to! Listen, please, your message is one that I for one need to hear! It is the delivery that I objected to! Not your message! Plus this whole thing was not started by you! Understand that I speak only for myself here! I am fragile and very shaky, confused and anxious and depressed! I am only a little over 2 weeks into this journey! I need advice and help from someone with your experience! I also know that in my fragile state that if I feel I am being bullied, or scolded, I will run as fast and as far as I can! I really hope you don't leave! Don't make yourself the victim here! Honestly, I need your support, advice and help! All I'm asking is that it just be a little toned down! Patience and supportive caring is what I need! Sometimes, I also need a good kick in the butt, but as I stated before I feel like a whipped puppy sometimes! I've been through this my entire life! Which is why I turned to Pills for comfort! You don't know how your message is perceived or what someone background is! Please private message me! I would like to discuss this further! I hope you don't leave, but if you do, I thank you for all you have done for me!