Still Here

[Bkitty2]

Just reaching out to all my friends to say Hi! I am still here. Im still really struggling. I had no idea that it would take me this long to recover from a suicide attempt. I found an Percocet the other day. I took it. No I have no access to any. Im ashamed. My moods are still all over. I quit my job today. My sister who was a recovering alcoholic is on a binge after being sober for 7 years. Its true what they say, you really do pick up where you left off. I called the police the other night to try and catch her as she was driving around drunk with her 4yr old daughter in the car. She escaped them and got home. I will call them again if I hear that she does it again. Our family is in crisis. My husband and I are not doing well. Ive pushed him away. Ive pushed everyone away. Im not on as many meds as I was before. I don't tolerate the heavy duty ones. To many side effects. I just don't know what to say/do anymore.

[EvolverU]

Hi, Bkitty. we don't know each other but I've followed your story & I'm sorry to hear that things are so rough right now. (When it rains for us it really seems to pour.) Thank you so much for posting! Please, don't feel ashamed about the Perc. As Ric says, if you stop now, you'll be fine. All I can say is that I think you've showed some real strength & perseverance in  your journey back. Please, have faith in yourself. (I know it's hard to sometimes.) Just when we think there's no hope we find that we're stronger than we know (because we have to be -- there's too much at stake!) You may feel like you're pushing your husband away & your family may be in crisis but I know from reading his many posts on status, etc. that he loves you deeply. Sometimes, when we're way down there we just have no clue how others see us & what's good about ourselves  & our lives. Is it possible that this is where you're at right now? (I've had to continually tell myself in the past couple of months that it could be worse & that I'm a worthwhile person.) I'm certain that you are too. I wish you all the love, comfort & clarity you need to pull you out of this 'valley' & to find your 'legs' again. Hang in there. You're not alone!

[toothfairie]

Hi Kitty....i'm so sorry you are dealing with all this family stuff still....my heart goes out to you and just know we are here for you any time you need to post.  My thoughts and prayers are with you girl....hang in there...you are stronger than you think!  love and hugs!!  

[Dane74]

Hey there sweet thing!!!!!!!  Its so great to see you pop up on the forum!!!! You poor thing, i can sense just from your words how hurt and depressed you are feeling and i hate that for you and i am sorry.  You have come so far, you are a survivor my friend and you have to continue to fight ...OK? Please tell me you are still in therapy???  Isolating yourself and pushing loved ones away is NOT the correct approach, and you know this, dive into your therapy and reach out for help, lean on your faith, change your thought process to positive energy.  You are NOT alone...  XOXO

[clean_in_ks]

So glad you posted and shared how you are feeling....reaching out to those here on MH that know and love you is a positive step for sure.

When we are bogged down with dysfunction all around us....our typical knee/jerk reaction is to w/draw and isolate.  I have found I can do that and still be in my own home.  I, too, am in some painful living/emotional situations right now.  After losing my inner peace (once again) tonight with my hubby, I determined I will INTENTIONALLY GO to, TALK to, SHARE with, BE with people who validate me....who listen to me.....who talk BACK to me....who communicate....who listen to my heart....who understand addiction.  I know shutting down isn't the answer.  I hope you do too.
((((HUGS))))) girl......praying you will reach outside your comfort zone, too.

[Butterfly1503]

I'm thinking and praying for you!

[VICourageous]

Girl I sure do feel your pain..There is not much more I can say that has not been said above. Family Stress and Drama is so hard for us in early Recovery..I know you just want to run and hide. This is the times we must give into all the faith we can and know it is not in our hands and that someday we will see the light on all of this..Just Focus on you and you only. Try to reach out to the ones that can take you under there wing and will not put any stress or speak any drama. Many, many Prayers will go out to you in this time from the bottom of my heart..Or form my Heart & Soul..
Bless and may the Lord carry you in the palm of his hand right now.