anyone up?

[HollyCat416]

Estranged husband was rushed to the hospital by ambulance this afternoon.  He's been binge drinking over 40 oz a day for 10 days straight and taking percs, oxys, valium and ativan.  He was admitted at 2pm, I saw him at 8pm.  The nurse told me that he would definitely be there for a few days.  When I asked what would happen if he ripped the tubes out and tried to leave, she said they would restrain him and sedate him.  At 3:20 am, he called from a cab.  He had left the hospital because they wouldn't give him any meds.  He showed up at my house ten minutes later.  The hospital did not even call me to warn me that he had "escaped".  I had to give him money to leave.  No question here.  Just have no one to talk to.

[Teetime4u]

Thanks Sara, And yes knowing and understanding the addict point of view is valuable advice. I know if everyone didn't help me to understand I would of been in a padded room by now!!
  And also how can you try to help someone that you can't understand!? Thanks to all who has helped me during all this !! God bless you all!!

[dominosarah]

We are glad you are here.  Sometimes our words may seem harsh but that is not the emotion behind it.  We speak from the addicts point but make no excuses for that.  We also speak from the recovering addicts point as that is what most of us are in here.  Teetime knows what i am talking about!!!  She has been a real trooper here!!  I am so proud of her progress she has made.  We take baby steps on the forum here.  None of us can handle being overwhelmed.  You as the family member have gotten the brunt end of addiction.  Keep talking with us~~~~~~sara

[Teetime4u]

I know what you feel with the binge drinking not only is my daughter an addict but my husband is an alcoholic. Where does that leave me ?? Half insane trying to fix the world, finally With the help of this forum I stepped back and looked at the big picture. And it is not a pretty one!! So I decided I needed to paint my own. I live for me and my granddaughter now. My daughter is wollowing in her addiction, no sign of stopping. And my husband has gotten better cause I quit picking his *** up! You can paint your picture too! Just find your place and go with it!

[HollyCat416]

I went to Alanon many years ago.  I find this forum far more supportive and helpful than the meetings I attended.  I put up a front for my kids because they are so young.  My friends know what is going on but don't fully understand because they've never lived it.  I'm surprisingly doing well and still seeing the positive in each day.  In the past when he's gone on benders, my entire day was consumed by taking care of him and THAT was the number one priority.  Now, I still take care of his needs to a certain degree, but only after I've taken care of me and my kids first.  Still enabling but progress for me, nonetheless.  My therapist had told me once that it was not by mistake that he and I got together....the narcissistic addict sought out someone who he could victimize and emotionally blackmail...and the co-dependent found someone who needed to be rescued....what a vicious circle...at least I've finally surrendered to the fact that I can't fix this problem....geez, that took quite a few years!

[dominosarah]

Holly, you have to let some of this go for your own health and well being.  I know as does Teetime that this doesnt happen overnight.  There will come a time with some help where you dont have to put up a front.  I am worried about you.  Would you be willing to go to Alanon?

[HollyCat416]

BTW, thanks for the support

[HollyCat416]

i think i help him more for myself more than anything...and i only help him when he's on these crazy alcohol benders.  When he is just taking his percs and oxys, we don't even address the issue...because then, he can still function and spend time with the kids.  They don't know the difference....he's been addicted to the pills since they were born.  I help him get off the bottle because if I don't I won't be able to sleep at night...I have to be able to live with myself.  The pills?  I can't help him with that and he won't stop. I just want my kids to have a dad, no matter how clouded his vision and thinking are.  At this rate, they won't have one for long.  With my luck, the stress will kill me first.

[Teetime4u]

That is true unless you are living the addiction you can't understand it. I don't know how many times people has told me what they would do.. Considering they don't even know an addict, they honestly don't get it!!

[HollyCat416]

thank you...this forum has been extremely helpful...no one else in the outside world can even begin to comprehend addiction....i know, i was on the outside world and it has taken me years to understand it and i'm still learning

[Teetime4u]

That is a good thing that you are keeping up the good front for the kids, but honestly how much longer can you do this? I am the mother of an addict who also refuses help! I know the rollercoster ride you are on. Its time to put on the break and get off that ride for your sake and the sake of the kids.
  I know you want to help him, he is the father of your children. But you can't he doesn't want it. Let him go take cate of those kids and yourself and hopefully he will wake up and decide. Unless he does you are just helping him be an addict. He knows you will help him. Why quit?? Think about it I am here if you need me. Pm me anytime.
  God Bless Tee

[hiskidd]

Hey HC. I'm praying for you. You've found a good forum with good people. Don't ever feel like you are "bothering" anyone. Praying for you and your family. David

[HollyCat416]

Thanks for asking...I am a wreck inside but putting up a pretty good front on the outside for the kids.  Don't know how long I can keep this up.

[dominosarah]

Have you thought about going to Alanon or seeing a therapist?  Our family members are the ones who get the brunt of our addiction.

[HollyCat416]

I don't know what else to do either.  In the past I've gotten him into detox or rehab but that was all before this crazy consumption of pills.  He is adamant that he won't go and I don't know how long I'm going to last before I have my own breakdown.  

[dominosarah]

How are you holding up thru all of this?

[Dav125]

Holly if he can't make it in a detox center for at least 7 days,,,,,I don't know what to say ot suggest..

[Dav125]

Maybe...If I had 200perc's and oxy's in the house, had been taking them for almost a year, I "would" be using them. There is no such thing as a day off when a person's body gets to a high dependency level such as his and mine......Thats good the pills are not there..He is going to run into a brick wall of wd's though if they found everything...

[HollyCat416]

he absolutely won't go to the detox center...been there done that too many times and he says that he can't white knuckle it..too painful...he simply does not have the will power and they limit how many meds they'll give him and since he's grown such a tolerance to even the benzodiazepines which is what they give for medical detox, it's never enough...i'm drained!

[HollyCat416]

one last somewhat positive thing....the ambulance attendant confiscated about 200 percs and a small handful of oxys from his place when they took him to the hospital so i'm pretty sure he was just straight drinking ( he also told me that he wasn't taking any but he also lies a lot so the stash was evidence that he had abstained ) the pills are still at the hospital

[Dav125]

Its not that simple as he makes it sound..Right now he's blocking the perc effects with the other things but tommorrow it won't matter how much he drinks or how many valiums he takes,those wd's are going to ravage his body for at least 4 hard days, believe me .... Holly..I'm 8 days away from perc's  and oxy's for the 3rd time and struggling some..It takes a phenominal commitment to ignor the pills in the first week of wd's..I doubt very seriously he could do this on his own..That just my opinion....He needs professional detox......Try to convince him. He would get better faster and you could sleep knowing he was getting help....Just a suggestion....

[HollyCat416]

i live in canada and the last time i went through this, i remember being told that even as his wife, i couldn't have him committed....yesterday i was thinking that if we were in america, he would be in a psyche ward by now...he is trying to wean but his enzyme levels were thru the roof so i'm pretty scared....

[HollyCat416]

thanks for all your support...saw him today...he has no percs or oxys; just valium and some alcohol...he is saying that he is trying to wean and also use this opportunity to get off the percs completely since he doesn't take them when he drinks....i checked out his apartment and couldn't find any..i have his car keys so he can't drive but that's about all i can do....oh and i will be dropping off gatorade later...i won't supply him with any more money...what i gave him last night was simply to pay for the cab to get him back to his apartment and out of my house where our little ones were sleeping...i realize what an enabler i am but i have to act in a way where i can live with myself...if i don't at least provide him gatorade and some nutrients, i wouldn't be able to sleep if he died from dehydration ( not that i'm getting much sleep anyway ), but the guilt would eat me up.....thank you all again

[ImDONENoMore]

Dominosarah is absolutely right.  Do NOT open the door to this man again.  He's going to have to figure it out for himself.  My Dr. said something to me and it stuck - he said that he did not want to be a part of the problem, only a part of the SOLUTION.  Hold that attitude with him too or he'll take you down with him.  We addicts don't like to be in misery alone so you must take care of you first!  And if he decides one day that he truly wants help, then you will be strong enough to help him.  Enabling him only makes you sick too.

[dominosarah]

If he shows up again dont answer the door and please dont give him anymore money.  I am sure this is tough to watch but he is a grown man and needs to be responsible for himself.......You take care of you~~~Let us know how you are doing.        sara