Hello, I'm on day 8 off of opiate pain killers, mostly hydro and I was taking up to 12 hydro 10mg plus a Xanax bar and alcohol too, I didn't use everyday as I didn't have the $ to but I spent every second thinking about being high. I had almost 3 years clean and relapsed back in March of this year and since then I have gone back and forth between clean and using. I went to NA for the first 2 1/2 years I was sober and quit to appease my wife and also I had half way convinced myself I had it beat. I have just now gone back to going to NA meetings, against her wishes as she doesn't understand addiction and thinks I'm just not putting enough faith in god and that's why I keep going back. I have really been struggling last few days and my mind has been going crazy trying to get me to get high, I'm still having w/d's off being irritable, depressed, diarrhea (taking Imodium though). Also I'm having the mental obsession of using. When I quit the time before I remember that the first 30 days were the hardest and after that it got so much better and I got back to enjoying life without having to put one in me. I could use some encouragement from some fellow addicts please, a part of me wants to go back and a part of me wants to live sober for the rest of my life. It's like I have a angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other