Why me?

[mamaamw]

That's my question.... Why me? Why can't I just be normal? Why do I continuously WANT hydrcodone? Why can't I just live a SOMEWHAT pain free life without the pills?

[HappyDays2Come]

I'm pretty sure most of us asked ourselves the same things early into our recovery so don't feel bad about that! As you detox and your head become clear you realize things about yourself that you numbed or closed off before (while abusing drugs). As you accept who you are and you realize that life is actually pretty darn good sober, you find peace. Your life will be different but it's a million times better. Early on you don't think you'll ever feel good or normal or happy or have energy again but all eventually return. You just have to take it one day at a time. Push to get through that day and move on to the next. The early days are difficult but it slowly improves and you'll wake up one day and feel happy. You'll laugh...I mean really laugh and you'll find beauty in things that you've missed the entire time you've been using. This process for me, personally, has been a rediscovery of myself and of the world around me. I focused so much on pills that I missed the beauty in the small things. Now I have that back and life is good. I know right now is difficult but you can do this. It's so worth it. We're all here for you.

[mommymarieme]

I know exactly how you feel I am sure we all do. I have been on this merry go round for a long time. I kept saying this is the last time but now I know an  I feel it in every part of me this is the last time. I am ready I have cut my sources and my husband will support me. We just have to stick with it and give it time we didn't get this way over night so it won't be better over  night but every day that we are clean is another day that we will get back to the person we want to be. we are all here if you every need anything and don't give up you are worth the fight and you can do it!

[ROSYouralright]

I know that you can't see it right now but clear skies are ahead! Once you make the decision to quit and stick with it you are going to feel so much better. I hate seeing you go through this each time your script runs out! Please know that you are NOT alone in this and PLEASE don't give up!!

[OpenMind24hours]

Good question that we all ask. How you feel is completely normal and totally understandable. It will get better for you, it really will. Give life a chance.

When I think of being able to take a pain pill every now and then for bad pain days, and then putting the bottle back on the lazy Susan to save for another rainy day, it's completely absurd. I'd chase that bottle to the gates of hell and back. As an addict I can't successfully control the use of mind altering substances. Not drugs or the drug alcohol. Like Kyle and others said above, once that fact was accepted the way was cleared to build a solid program of recovery. It's the virtual gate to recovery by accepting that fact. My aftercare meetings really helped me with that acceptance I need. I learned that my happiness can't be dependent on circumstances going my way, I'm powerless over them. Acceptance became the answer.

[Wildewoman]

Never give up!!

NEVER - EVER - NEVER!

[dominosarah]

There is beauty in recovery.  I no longer wonder why.  This is who i am and i am okay with that.  Admitting we are powerless is a huge step.

[Beckers74]

I wish I could take an occasional pill or even have a drink on Friday night. I just know too well  where the drink or drug leads me, a very dark place. I have to chase my sobriety like I did my pills. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, so I keep moving towards it by doing something for my sobriety each day. I have chronic pain, so I understand your frustration in having to live with physical pain. Try looking into acupuncture or massage. I could be doing a lot better, but I keep taking baby steps and it is getting better each day!!!

[mamaamw]

I just want to give up and go away!

[ROSYouralright]

I agree 100% with Kyle and Liz! Once you come to grips with the fact that you are an addict your life will be more manageable! Its not just you- we all want pills! We know that we can't have them. Not even one

[lizbuzz]

I asked myself that question too, but hey you know what, what done is done and we move on kick that little pill monster in its butt and move forward. We've done it this far with the peeps who are on here who have been an awesome support so like my little sis told me the other day hey sis have your pity party for 5 mins then dust yourself off and keep going.....praying for ya lizzy

[kyle505]

I'm an addict. Wish I wasn't, but once I accepted that fact - and the fact I'd be fighting my addiction all my life- a weight was lifted and I was able to move on. You will never get the answer to your question. Just accept who you are.

[Butterfly1503]

I agree with wildwoman! Oh, I want a pill too, but I can't! I've got to fight that horrible urge! I think you can live a somewhat pain free life without the pills. Physical therapy, naproxen, exercise...Ect! It's just that we have to reprogram the brain! I'm praying for you!

[Wildewoman]

Becasue of our brain chemistry. It isn't you fault - but you can fight it.

My hubby can take pain pills say 1 or 2 a month - and he is fine. He is just made that way.

I know you can do this!!