Suboxone

[genemonster]

I have been on suboxone for over 3 1/2 years under a doctor's care. My doctor was not the most ethical individual and when I moved away for college, he didn't help me get set up with anyone else. I have been trying to see a doctor here and found one, but it seems like there is always some issue. I am actually moving back home in a couple weeks, but my old doctor has already replaced me on the program. I don't want to see him again anyways.

I have a couple of 2mg pills left and I have broken them into quarters. My old doctor started me on 24mg and I have had to go down on my own. He was happy prescribing me as many as he wanted and keeping me on as long as he could because he made money off of me.

I cannot stand being on this medicine any longer. If my life is going to be like this, I'd rather be doing dope again. I have gotten down to 2mg, sometimes 4mg a day. Yesterday I took 1mg and today .75mg. my bones are hurting already and i have the sweats/chills. This is the feeling I hate I more than anything

Is there anything I can do to make this better??? I am also bipolar, so that is another thing to factor in.. I can't get more pills and I can't be on this any longer. I hate it so much.

Please help.

[Helpmehelpyou980]

I was on suboxone a few years ago and I did great on it. Before I started it, I lost many jobs, got arrested, broke, couldn’t function. It got me to a place so that I could get out of bed and go to therapy and keep a job. I felt like I should get off of it too and I did after about 6 months. The withdrawal is bad if you don’t wean very slowly. For awhile it did really good and then I was around drugs again, relapsed and lost everything all over again. I am in it now and it is a godsend. Without it I would be a prostitute or dead. I rather be alive and enjoying the company of my mother and friends and getting up every morning to do a job that helps hundreds of people. I have no plan on getting off it anytime soon. Some people do need pills or what not to get up in the morning bc our brain is sick. I’m also bipolar. I had a really rough life and it messed me up bad. Plus mental illness runs in my family. If this is the best I can be while I’m on this world, being on suboxone, I will take it bc before I ever tried it my life was ten times worse than what you are explaining right now.

[genemonster]

I moved back to my parent's the day before Thanksgiving. I took either .5 mg or 1 mg. I didn't take it again until 8 days later, took another .5 mg and I haven't had any more since. I haven't really had any issues. I've had anxiety, back aches, but not like it was when I was first tappering off. It may not be that bad because I'm watching my nephew and am forced to move around a lot. I'm just happy to not be on this **** anymore.

If anyone is looking into getting on it, really try to make a good decision.

[genemonster]

The longest I've ever been was 36 hours and that was from 6am yesterday until 6pm today. I'm actually okay right now. I just had a popsicle and my throat is feeling better. I'm gonna try to make it at least another 36 hours without taking anything.

I wish I knew everything about this before I got on it. This is harder than anything I've ever gotten off of and there have been a lot of things.

Are you 5 days off right now? How are you doing?

[wantthissobad]

Hi GeneMonster,

I am also in individual therapy and have been for years, I also have years of pain that I have pushed down and I have actually learned to deal with some of them through therapy. I made it 5 days sub free and that's the longest. How are you feeling? Are you still sub free?

[genemonster]

I just re-read that you've been back on for 2 weeks. And about the meetings, seriously, I know they work for some, but what I have done is go to individual therapy. I haven't been to a meeting in almost 2 years but have gone to individual therapy for almost that whole time. I started back up last week and have an appointment on Monday. I didn't wake up one day and say, hey I'm gonna shoot dope. There are many reasons why I went to that. I've pushed down a lot of pain and that stuff is coming back up. I don't have movies play through my head, but like movie stills of all these terrible things I've been through.

My suggestion is that if you have the ability to see a counselor, do it. Drugs, at least for me, isn't my main problem. They are what I used to cover up my real problems. I know they will never go away. I don't believe psychological scars will ever go away. I can hope to find more ways to deal with the feelings of it now, but I don't have those right now.

I wish you luck too.

[genemonster]

Thanks everyone for responding.

I am bipolar and my medicine has been up'd a couple months ago, which is helping with my up moods but my depression is out of control. I attend, well was attending, a university and withdrew last week. I can barely leave my apartment. I did today to get a couple markers [my other one ran out]. All I do is cry and draw.

Want this so bad---I'm amazed your doctor called you in a 30 day supply. My old doctor could only do 5 day supply in an emergency. I don't know if different states have different regulations. I'm in New York and they like to f us here.

I can handle the puking and all of that, but I cannot handle the body aches. My bones hurt so much. I sit here and dream about dope all day and night. I used to have a good mind frame and think I could do it but I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm kidding myself if I think I won't ever do dope again. I'm 25. I haven't done any drugs or alcohol since 07/2007. I feel like I have though bc of this medicine.

I've lost hope for myself. The only thing that has kept me going is my nephew. He 27 months and I met him when he was 1. I love him so much and I know if I get high, I won't be able to see him and I can't live with that. I just don't know if that's going to be enough to keep me going. I'm moving back to my parent's by the end of the month, as I dropped out of school. My brother and nephew live there so I know I will be happier. I'm gonna move out as soon as I make enough money, but I'm not going as far as I am now.

I know you guys understand how much this ***** and what I'm going through. I do listen to music all day. It's not always the most positive, even though some has a positive message. I can relate to it so much and have listened to him since I was 13/14 and his first cd came out. It's always helped me through dark times and I'm hoping it does this time too.

What scares me the most is what I have read on this site. People saying they were on it for less than a year and it was the worse thing ever and how they haven't felt better in 3 months after they stopped taking it and they were down to like .25 mg.

I don't even know if I'm making any sense. You three have given better experiences than what I've read any where else. I did go 36 hours without taking any and I took .5mg.

Thank you for your words, it does mean a lot. And I am glad you guys don't have to take it anymore. It really is something that I see an unattainable.

[HenryS354]

Hey there,

I feel your pain... sub can be a bear to kick, but its certainly doable!  Having the right frame of mind is monumental in success with this.  Thats not to say that withdrawals are all in your head as we all know that they arent.  But sometimes we psych ourselves up.

I kicked sub pushing 200 days ago.  I jumped off at 3mgs, and it was certainly no picnic, but it wasnt completely unbearable.  There were good days, and bad days... but nothing like coming off of full agonist opiates like methadone and fentanyl which I have detoxed off both.  

While its hard to stay positive when you are still withdrawing 2 weeks in, it does get better, and I can assure you that by the 30 day mark, you will be feeling significantly better!  When you are ready to jump, just stay focused on your final goal, and all will be well.

Henry

[joshinit25]

amen wantthissobad!! You can do it! All it takes is a little will and want!!  I kicked methadone after 3 years and have been clean for 1 year and half now and I have never looked back.  And to be honest, it does not matter how much a day you take, the withdrawls will be the same.  After the first week was the worst!! but after week 2 I was alot better and was starting to get my appetite back but the sleep deprivity is THE worst. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to scare you but like wantthissobad said, you have to be prepared and with preparation, it will help. And I know this sounds weird but uplifting and meaningful music REALLY helped me and helped pass the time. Good luck in your struggle and remember we are all here to help each other. Let me know if you need ANYTHING@!

[wantthissobad]

Hi GeneMonster,

I have been on subs for 2 years and a few months, I hate it sorry to be negatvie but there really isn't thing positve about this drug other then it stops withdrawals but as soon as you stop taking it you feel like hell for weeks. First off great idea coming here it's great and there is so much support and tons of info. You will find someone on here that jumped at all different mgs. I tried to jump off of 2mg 2 weeks ago I stated off at 8mg but got myself down to 2mg before jumping off. The first 3 days were not that bad at all I took some vitamins did the look at the thomas recicipe it's on here it will help so much so I was ok at first body aches but nothing I couldn't handle, no remeber sub is a trcky drug it has a half life of 36hours so it takes a long time to get out of your system that's why most people say that day 3 starts and so does the hell. By day 3 for me it still was physically that bad but on day 4 OMG I was sooooo depressed, yes I already suffering from depression but this was 100X worse. I couldn't stop crying everything seemed so dark and ugly I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. This drug is so addictive and you don't reliaze it until your coming off. So day 5 I felt like I was going to lay in a ball forever and cry I felt like it would never end. Remeber the physical still at this point isn't that bad I can handle that it was the depression I couldn't handle so what did I do I called my sub doctor and of course he called me in 30 2mg had he never called them in I wouldn't be taking them right now. I had no were else to get them. So now 2 weeks later I'm back on sub I have no idea what to do because I can't handle the depression.
Can you go to rehab? Do you work and if so can you take time off? I'm not trying to scare you but you have to be prepared for this it's going to be hard and many don't make it. Like I said before search this board there are some great stories of people who have made it not many but a few. Do you have a family doctor? If so go see him maybe he can help, you have to find a doctor. If you have the will and the want you can do this please prepare yourself. Maybe try some meetings a lot of people on here will advise you of that I don't go to them because of my own personal reason (and look I have not succeeded) but many have found so much help and comfort in them. Keep your head up get ready to fight and when you come off you will look back at this and think never again will I let anything control me like this again.