Fell into my addiction again

[Blackdragonfly]

I was a junkie for several years that resulted in me going to jail for thankfuly only 6mo and I was clean for almost a year 1/2. While in jail they had me on a Vicoden taper (which worked well btw for anyone trying to get off of H). Then I met a new boyfriend and down played my addiction issues (although if you could see what I did to my arms it's kinda hard to downplay). He had Oxy (my first love) and I talked him into having just one. Stupidly thinking it wouldn't hurt.

It's been a downword spiral after that and would take a few more of his here and there, then getting my own scripts. Then I ended up pregnant and due to my migrains getting worse my dr gave me more scripts of Vicodin. At the end of my pregnacy I ended up with pre-clampsia and placeta previa (nither related to the meds I asked several drs on that). I didn't want the hospital to know of my addiction and be treated badly as I have been before or worse run the risk of them getting social services involved or somthing. So they kept feeding me pain meds. I was on a Diludid pump for almost a week!

I tried to taper down with help of my OB but I cheated.........alot. Now my nurologist is a writer and I'm able to get him to give me alot of pills every month. I want off!

The only reason that this has me dragging my feet is because I am the sole care provider for my now 4mo old son while his daddy is at work. Thank god that my bf is SO understanding but he can't take a week off to help me through this.

All I'm asking for is some support. I'm handing my pills off to him when he gets home today and there are enough that I think if I do 3 a day this could just bring it down a notch lil by lil. Issue is I really want to be over the worst of it within a week. So I'm not sure what to do.

You would think I would have learned my lesson. I allways said if I ever had to go through withdrawl again I would kill myself. Well that's not an option esp because I have 2 other children as well. Please don't think bad of me. I'm not a bad person, I just have made some VERY bad choices.

[qazmlp]

suboxins are worse then pains harder to kick

[overit2day]

Welcome... I know the feeling.  If there are pain killers anywhere near me, I will take them. No question.  I am on day 5 today and finally beginning to see a light.  Keep posting on here, it is really helping me through this. Remember, there is absolutely no judgement on this forum.  You can do this!  

[Blackdragonfly]

I have very few pills left and I flux from taking 10 to 15 a day to 4 or 5. I just need my well dose in the morning and I can make it through for the most part. Not so much a taper as it just doesn't work for me. I'm going to cut off tomarrow (again) before I run out this time so that if I totaly freek out then I will have a pill to take.

No my bf does not have access to oxy anymore. The frustraiting thing is I do. I have told my dr. my issue and to be honest he doesn't care. He's a writer, plain and simple. I need to control myself is what it comes down to.

That's just somthing that I almost can't do. How much of a cop out is that? I really don't know why I can't stop poppin pills whenever I have them. I really don't understand why I can't. Urgggg

Thank you for all the support!

[dominosarah]

Have you been honest with your doctors about your addiction?

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I first have to say that taking Vicodin to get off of H is a bad idea and I do not suggest it to anyone.

Heroin is my drug of choice so I hear what you are saying. For me, I spent 20 years running with it and the last few I spent in rehab or jail. H took me to places I did not want to be and with people I did not want to be with. At, what I pray was my last rehab stint, I began my recovery. Just being clean from drugs was not recovery for me.  I started to get to the root of my problems that caused me to use drugs most of my life. I went through therapy for many years and became active in the fellowships of NA & AA. I believe it was that aftercare that saved me.

I stopped using many times, but I could not STAY stopped. I am sure you know what I mean.

So your boyfriend is holding them while you taper? Good idea and I hope you are successful with that. So what will you do to stay clean after the physical withdrawal is over? And does your bf still have access to Oxy?

[Jimmy1975]

Hey ! NO ONE will think you're a bad person in here ! It took me 4 times to get clean . We're here for you . What is your tapper plan ? How much were you taking per day ? Knowing all this helps all of us to get an insight into helping you . Lets get you started and we all are here to help !  Jimmy