Psychological addiction

[bahamamama13165]

I am really confused and mad at myself.  I have been battling alcoholism for 15 years.  I quit and then start back up.  This November I spent 28 days in rehab for alcohol and Ativan addiction.  It was horrible and I haven't touch either since.  But starting a couple months ago I started abusing OTC cough medicine.  Now, I don't even get a buzz off it.  But I still feel compelled to do it.  It actually makes me nauseas and hurts my kidneys.  But I guess it makes me think less and dulls me a little.  But I don't think it's possible to be addicted to it, so it is all a psychological thing.  I think I must be crazy or something, what am I getting out of this? Has anyone had a psychological addiction?

[bahamamama13165]

Thanks for answering my post.  I have gone to 12 step meetings in the past.  It's so repetitive, I just get bored of going but then I relapse. My husband has been out of work for a while but he has a job starting in 2 weeks.  I have the number of a counselor who works with addicts.  I'm going to try to budget in going to sessions with her.  I hope the one on one with a counselor will help me get to the root of my problem.

[LostNoMore]

I agree with Lulu - I think you are an addict like me. I had to look at why I was using. My addiction was present long before I started abusing chemicals. I've felt restless, irritable and discontent ever since I can remember. When I found out that alcohol and drugs took all that away, I thought I'd found the answer to life! For many years, it worked. But eventually, I didn't get the same high and I had to use more and more. I began to feel sick a lot. I began to wonder why other people didn't drink and take drugs like I did. I began to wonder what was wrong with me. I found AA 15 years ago and it saved my life. I relapsed on pain meds in 2006, was clean for 5 years, then started again last year. Now I know that I can't use any mind or mood altering chemicals in safety. Aftercare is essential to learning how to live clean. I'm at 90-something days and still struggling with living clean but its getting better. Today I can say that I have hope. I have ups and downs, but I can handle it today without using. Plus I'm not spending all my money on drugs or breaking the law every day! That's a good thing. Take care and keep posting.

[lulu747]

Hi and Welcome,

Addiction is psychological,physical and spiritual.  Unless we get to the root of why we are abusing ANY substance, we just transfer our abuse from one to another.  Are you doing any aftercare/recovery program?  You are not crazy.  You need to look at the emotions that are being triggered.  At the end of the day, addiction is about self-abuse and you need to counteract it with lots of self love.  You are supported here.

Lu