The Dam has broken

[Sonrissa]

I'm trying, and somewhat succeeding on my tapering of my pain pill abuse! I've been doing ok and fighting through the withdrawal symptoms! Taking it day by day and slowly decreasing my dose! Well, I knew it was coming, and now it has happened! My emotional dam has broken! First my Drs office called and told me my insurance will not cover my physical therapy! Well I got very upset and burst into tears and I haven't been able to stop! Then I posted my feelings and hoped to get some advice, encouragement and support! Well then it got moved from this forum to the social forum! Really, that is a social issue? Geeze it's about me and trying to deal with my tapering and withdrawal! I wanted the post here because it gets more visibility and I really need support now! Luckily my friend Minn saw it before it got moved! Who makes these decisions! I saw someone else frustrated earlier because his post was also moved! Maybe I just don't belong here! I have always felt so isolated with people! This is the only time I have ever reached out for help in my life! Right now I can't deal with this emotion! I'm so sorry for this but my strength is just about gone! I give up, I simply surrender! Hopefully I've said enough key words that this post will stay here. I know I am all over the map right now, I can't seem to get centered! Is this what an emotional break down is like? I'm sorry people, so very sorry!

[Free2agoodhome]

You're gonna be fine, Everthing is out of whack right now...Why the post was moved? who knows but you are welcome and ton of people rooting for ya...

[selfinduced]

Hey Sonri, Know your waking with a smile on your face and determination in your heart. Time to break open the secret detox kit and let the games begin. I've been up half the night selecting my outfit for the flush party , YOU CAN DO THIS! Support is on the way! xx

[minn66]

Good morning, Sonrissa and all you Secret Detoxers out there! Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and sending love, hugs, and prayers. The support here is nothing short of phenomenal and with everyone encouraging each other, there isn't anything we can't accomplish! I need you guys too, you help me make it through the day.

More hugs,

Minn

[Dixiechick72]

Yah!!! Woo hoo u go girl. U got thing. I'm pulling u this whole way through ok.  U will do this!!! I will be sending positive prayers ur way!!! I'm going to take my Epsom bath and end day three omg. I did it. I had my grandbabies and man that was work. But I loved it. So do this ok. I'll be checking on u tomorrow. Day 1 here u come!!! Day 4 and a whole lot more!!!
Minn I know what u mean about fond memories of the flowers. I too love yellow roses. I had an awesome bush.  But for me the tigerlilies and jasmine remind me of my grandma who passed last year.... So I got jasmine tattooed in honor of her.... ;)  ok good night all!!' hang in there girl ..!!!

[minn66]

I love yellow roses too! Hubby planted me a yellow rose bush that is simply lovely. He cuts blooms from it periodically and puts them in a vase for me. Dixie, your body art sounds beautiful. My mother grows tiger lillies and they, like honeysuckle, bring back fond memories.

Sonrissa, I will be here every chance I get and keep an eye on you.

Hugs and blessings and prayers and support,

Minn

[Sonrissa]

I've got everything Dixie! I'm very well prepared! I also have strong anti inflammatorys that I hope will ease the shoulder pain! I have every kind of herbal supplement imaginable! 3 bottles of immodium  and 3 cases of Gatorade! I've been preparing for this for so long! I feel like I am ready! Something just clicked today! I'm just done! I so appreciate the offer of your phone Number, I'm still amazed at all the support here! Get ready for day one! And you for day four! I'm holding your hand for strength!

[Dixiechick72]

Of course were up girl. We got ur back. U can and will do this. U will get back on track  ok. And well be with u every step of the way.  If u get really discouraged. I'll give u my phone number in case u feel like texting or whatever ok... U can do this.  Oh and just cause ur on flower talk I have to throw my two cents in and say I love tigerlilies. Those are beautiful big and smell great!!! I'm a big flower person!!!! My back is covered with a flower tattoo that represents each person in my family ... Neat huh??? Hang in there. Get imodium and Gatorade those saved me. Eat snacks stay hydrated ok. Were here girl

[Sonrissa]

My favorite flower is the yellow rose oh yeah and irises! I think they stand for friendship! I have sure found it here today! I'm better now! The crying has stopped, but man I am pooped! That took a lot out of me! I nearly threw up from crying so hard! Good grief! All this because of my stupid Insurance Co and because The Powers that Be moved my post! Sheesh, sounds so dumb!

So, here's what I'm gonna do! I'm gonna take 2 last pills tonight before bed and then flusherroo the rest!! Big flush party tmro morning!! My next script isn't due for 2 weeks! During that time I'm gonna go cold turkey! My promise is that if I can make it through the next 2 weeks without killing me or someone else, then I'm done! DONE! Are you guys up for this? I'm gonna need you more than ever! I don't want to be a bother, but I feel so ready! Let me know what you think! Oh yeah and please check the Social Forum as I fear that some people may get neglected after a post gets moved! I wish we got to make that decision, but oh well! Thanks again everyone! This is it, I hope!

[minn66]

I almost forgot, Sonrissa, my favorite flower is, believe it or not, the Buttercup, or Daffodil. They are the first sign of Spring here, smell wonderful, and are yellow, which is my favorite color. My second favorite, and I don't know if it qualifies as a flower, is Honeysuckle.

I'm thinking of you and ready to flush in your honor ;)

[minn66]

Pat, I totally get it. It isn't that we don't want others to be happy, but dang it, what about me??! I feel so guilty when I think stuff like that. Like there are these friends of mine and my ex-husband. They started dating the last year of high school when we did, and they're still together and you can tell they adore each other. Don't get me wrong, I love hubby, he's great to me, but it ticks me off when I see on Facebook all these happy family pictures and oh, did I mention they both have great paying jobs and a house that could fit five of mine in it?! I am thankful for what I have and how hubby has made our back yard a small paradise, yet I still get bitten by the green eyed monster.

Hugs,

Minn

[Pat1956100]

I cried more yesterday than I have for awhile and I feel so much better today.  I almost lost it again when someone posted their 30th wedd anniversary photo on facebook.  She posted to the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me and I thought why the hell couldn't John still be alive and me saying that.  But I posted something nice.  She and her husband are great people and they deserve it.  It's a good thing it wasn't someone I disliked.  I may have mocked it.  

[akitagurl12]

bhahahaha I just saw the Boss B Gone FAKE gun!  Ahhhh, that's a good one.

[minn66]

We cannot forget the 8 cd compilation of Box That Detox songs!

[akitagurl12]

You belong here & we all need to stick together if we are gonna beat this addiction monster.  Please don't leave:(

[minn66]

Oh yes, we must add the Mega-Plunge 2000, guaranteed to suck out any size clog! Lol, can you imagine opening your Secret Detoxer Package in front of someone?! A giant plunger, dark chocolate, and a Boss B Gone Imaginary Gun that looks suspiciously like a water pistol? ;)

[4slenderthread]

Hello there sweetie!
   You are having a hard time of it right now, I get it. Some days, hours, minutes are easier (and sometimes harder) than others. You got a bad phone call regarding your therapy and that news just sent you 'sideways.' You're struggling right now and there are times when we feel that we simply can't bear one more thing, I hear you! I understand what you mean about not reaching out ... I spend most of my time answering questions, which I'm glad to do. It's important that you don't give up on US. Sometimes we can be a wee bit slow but we really do TRY to answer in a timely manner ... just try and be patient with us. :-)  My heart goes out to you in your struggle. I am proud that you are taking all this on yourself and  you should be proud of yourself as well! If you ever want to write, feel free to message me. I won't be 'far.' Take care!

[Sonrissa]

I love you all so much! The thing is that this breakdown was inevitable! It's here and I'm getting through it with the tears that I so desperately need to cry! I cover so much up with my sense of humor and trying to laugh it off! I will never be able to repay you girls for your caring and support! I don't have this in my life! I promise not to give up! I know I can make it with all of you! Please list your favorite flowers! I want to send you all some! You have helped on what has been the darkest day so far! Oh crap! I think I just mentioned flowers, clearly a social issue!  Please know how much this means to me! As far as toilets go, I'm seeing my face In one right now! It's gonna need a plunger as it's a big clog! Thank you for being my plungers! Hey, a new addition to our Secret Detoxers survival kit! I love you all!

[selfinduced]

I just spit coffee on my comp. screen......You girls!

[minn66]

Hun, please don't leave and don't beat yourself up for taking those pills. We're all here for you and care about you. This is such a fragile time, these early stages of withdrawal and detox. Resolve not to take any more and stay here. Please get rid of any you may have left 'cause I'm in the mood for a Flush Party! Come on, let's get those toilets swirling. Lol, just make sure your toilet works... I had to watch three pills bob around while waiting for the tank to fill. Come on, who's with me???!

[Dixiechick72]

Ok girl. Get ur crap together and let's do this again. Ok. U need to stick with this but u need to be ready to do this. So ur back at square one.. That's ok.  Just start again. Ok. U can do this girl. Just hold on and know it's a roller coaster ride. Ur not kicked out. Just get back on track ok

[selfinduced]

Ok Sonri, Your not going anywhere. You are a ray of sunshine to this forum and we will go thru w/d's from lack of your wicked sense of humor. You wouldn't want that on your head now would you? I know your disappointment and also the frustration with your insurance. Please stay with us and ride this bad boy out. We are all behind you. Tomorrows a new day and it's going to be a great one!!! Make some hot tea, get in the bath and eat some of that dark chocolate! Come'on now, I care.

[Sonrissa]

Minn and Pat, you get it! We all post here about our personal issues and what it is in our life that contributes to substance abuse! I read posts all the time about people's marriage, kids, divorce, none of those are moved! I always thought like Minn that is was about Basketball Playoffs (go Thunder)! My post today, was about my emotional response to the damn insurance company! Normally, I would have turned to my pain pills for comfort! I chose to come here instead! A good and right choice, or so I thought! I knew it was gonna get moved because I mentioned Insurance! And sure enough, it only took a few minutes! I have nothing at all against the social forum! I read it all the time! It's great for post about sports, holidays, recipes etc.. So what I was trying to avoid, happened! I took 3 pain pills! Isn't that lovely! Please understand this is my fault and no one else's! I take responsibility for my own actions! I'm lost and now I need to find somewhere else to go where i can find the proper forum to get help! It just doesn't seem like I fit anywhere! I love you all and thank you so much! The moderators here don't understand, maybe they haven't been through this! I felt at home and now I feel kicked out! I KNOW THAT IM BEING IRRATIONAL! Just can't help it right now! I've never gotten this far in trying to stop before, and just got back to square one! Its the little things people, not the big things for me!

[minn66]

Hi, Pat, thank you for telling me. I'll go over there and read it.

Hope you're doing well today. It was crazy busy at work, the sort of day I would have normally popped a pill to make it though. But, I survived!

Sonrissa, don't forget we're here for you.

Hugs to all of the Secret Detoxers!

Minn

[Pat1956100]

Hey Minn
Sharon posted and it was moved to social as well.  It's about her son's wedding.  I thought you would like to see it.  Nobody noticed it and I felt badly for her.