4 MONTHS CLEAN OF HYDRO/OXY TODAY

[this_big]

Well another month under my belt. I cant tell you how nice it's been to wake up and not have to plan my whole day around taking or finding pills. All in all i feel great. I'm still having some lingering motivational issues, but i guess with time that too will go away.Just wanted to brag a little i guess. These month marks a big for me..

I do have a question...well maybe i just want your thoughts on this...

I did attend AA meetings everyday for the first 30+ days and i really feel like it helped. I've been on average going once maybe every two weeks or so. Heres my issue. I HAD i guess what could be a problem with alcohol ( i drank ALOT) long before the pills. The pills literally made me stop. I couldn't even have one without getting god awful sick. Well when i decided to stop the pills i said why the hell not stop drinking..i mean hell... i already pretty much have. I've had a few here and there since. I enjoy it every now and again. I by no means feel like i "have" to drink. But i enjoy it. I honestly dont feel like its going to be an issue. I'm not going out nearly as much anymore.(partying). And trust me im not trying to give myself an excuse to do something i know has the potential of turning into another addiction. I guess back to were i was going with this.....I feel guilty going to my meetings knowing i still drink occasionally. I've tried the NA meetings in my area and just feel like i take so much more out the AA meetings. I'm not doing the whole step process. In fact i haven't really talked to my sponsor in a while. I've texted him a few times here and there to let him know i'm still clean. I guess my question is... can somebody stay clean without doing the whole 12 step program? I dont think i'll ever stop going as i've met some really incredible people. I just feel like if i dont do it "right" i may it may hurt me. Trust me i have ZERO desire to take a pill. In fact i kick my own a$$ every other step for ever getting involved with pills. Sure i have cravings, But nothing i dont feel like i can handle.

I told someone this morning..."You have to do the whole deal". I got to thinking about it. And hell i'm not even doing the "whole" deal. I feel like i'm doing enough to stay clean, but almost like if i dont do everything "by the book" at some point it will catch up to me.I really dont know what i'm asking here, and i'm sorry if i've confused anyone. Any thoughts will greatly be appreciated.  

[vicki595]

Hey!!   Congratulations on those four months!!!       I just now saw your post and while reading it, I saw one entire thought process evolve.   I guess you have your answer to the alcohol quandry.   Some people can just take alcohol or leave it. Like me. Others,like you, have had an alcohol problem in the past. This makes alcohol a bit dangerous for you,to say the least.  I think you stopped the meetings because you have a few drinks and feel guilty.  You know yourself better than we do..  I wouldn't drink if I were you.   And,yes,sometimes when we have a little clean time built up,we get cozy.
That happened to me at 5 1/2 months.  Don't let it happen to you. Trust me,you'll feel like crap!!       Stay strong!!

[this_big]

Thank you.. I know exactly what you mean! I'll be completely honest.. I DO feel like i'm getting a little too comfortable. I dont know why the hell i haven't been going to my meetings as often. I dont really have a legitimate reason. As i stated above i think im gonna just try and....just not drink. At one point i felt like i had to have "something" in my system ( mainly in social situations) to be able to function. Thats honestly not the case anymore.

I dont know... I think typing this out , and reading your responses has kinda shed some light on what i need to do. And maybe made me realize that its not my drinking thats keeping me from meetings...maybe its my comfort level. I am getting too comfortable! I'm still going to try and stop drinking...just to see.. if anything else. I really dont feel like i "need" to drink. Thanks again to everyone for your responses..

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 4 months clean!!  That is a great accomplishment.  Now you get my 2 cents on a few things!!  DONT let yourself get to comfortable in your recovery.  You cant just go to a few meetings and text your sponsor on occasion.  This addiction will come back to haunt you when you least expect it.  The last bad one i had i was vacuuming.   That beast sits in your head and just waits.  It is also very easy to switch addictions and alcohol will  grab you by the short hairs before you know what hit you.  Please be very careful.    sara

[FassFeat]

LOL.. It was about 38 here this morning but got up in high 60's. We are just used to alot hotter weather with high humidity. Thats funny. Hope you enjoy the weekend.

[bmdad]

I'm glad you posted this today. I think we all learned a lot from it so thanks.
What I'm not happy about you posting is that it's a little chilly @ 61!!! I finally had to kick on the furnace last night as the temp got down to 28. If it wasn't for my wife hounding me for the past 4 days it would still be off! She tried to turn it on a few times when I wasn't home but she still doesn't know about the kill switch in the basement by the furnace! I finally had to flip it on because she told me if I didn't take a look at the furnace to "fix it" she was calling the repair guy!
Hope you're having a great weekend.

[this_big]

Thanks for the responses. I haven't really put too much thought into this till now. It just got me wondering this morning for some reason. I told myself at the start of this thing that this time HAS to be different. And that i'm going to really look at this like i look at just about everything else.....What are the people that are successful at this doing to be successful.?. The common denominator seems to be some sort of aftercare or another. Am i wrong??

  If i've learned one thing through this...MY way dont work!! Thats whats kinda got me worried. I'm trying to do this program "my way". So far its working. But what about 4 months from now? I feel like if i dont do it "properly", that i wont have what i need should an issue arise. I think i've pretty much answered my own question. I think i'm gonna try to just NOT drink. If i dont feel like i need it, i guess i dont...right??

@ Brian...I think you may be right about the steps...Really, what do we have to lose. I think i may need a new sponsor though..lol..Your also right about putting work into this. i've never put THIS much work into it , and i've also never had THIS much clean time. Thats food for thought.

@ LMNO...You also have a good point about lowering my inhibitions. Drunk has gotten me in some....we'll say less than pretty situations. Also i was told to do 90 in 90. Is 30 in 30 the norm?? I obviously didnt make the 90.

@udoschoices...I think the meetings that first month got me where i am..No doubt. If i could give someone whos been on this "on again off again" roller coaster as long as i have i piece of advise. I'd tell them to go to a meeting everyday those first at least thirty days. I always felt better leaving. And really still do. I dont know what it was. Maybe its something in the coffee...lol.. So YES, I think it was a must for me. Keep going! You have nothing to lose..right??

@ Andrew...Thats "Flounder Pounder" ..lol...Thank you..The weather is great a little chilly @ 61 but its refreshing. I know the snow birds are laughing at me saying 61 is chilly...lol...burrr

Thanks for all your responses,It helps. Keep them coming. I'd like to know if somebody is successfully working the program without the steps. I know working the program involves the steps..but i think you know what i mean.

[FassFeat]

Hey you big flounder hunter, Congrats on 4 months. I don't know what to tell you on the drinking, but you have gotten some pretty good answers. I just wanted to cogratulate you on your clean time. Keep doing it one day at a time. Hope the weather is good in Florida, it is great in Texas. You are doing great.. Your friend, Andrew

[el_em_en_oh]

The 30 meetings in 30 days is based on the scientific principal that it takes approximately 30 days for the chemicals in your brain (the ones you basically destroyed while using/abusing) to rebuild themselves and 'take root'. Every day after that (as you progress in your sobriety), they build more and more. It take a full TWO YEARS of total abstanance to fully recover all your brains chemical deficiencies (at least, according to my doctor at the treatment facility I went to).

As for drinking or not drinking (one drink here and there), strict AA doctrine will say that every time you take a drink, you have to reset your sobriety date. Whether you get drunk or not isn't the issue... it's intake of mind altering substances whether you do it to alter your state of mind, or not.

The only way to stay completely clean and true to your program, is not to intake ANYTHING that will alter your perception.

[udoschoices]

So I have a question for you- how helpful were those first 30+ days of AA in getting you off the pills? I'm in sort of the same situation as you, alcohol never my DOC pills are and I just started to go to an AA meeting every morning near my house because I like the people better than the NA ones and they don't talk about drinking per se just handling life without turning to a crutch. The reason I'm asking is that im on day 6 (again) of my constant on-again / off-again cycle with pills but before I never did the meetings everyday and wanted to know how instrumental they were in helping you stay clean 4 months. I feel they are helping and I plan on doing something different and continuing just curious....  

I'm also interested in the answer people give you because I can drink one beer and stop, always could- but I respect the "drug is a drug " philosophy and if that's all I had I may turn to binge drinking... As an addict that's what we do ya know?

[el_em_en_oh]

Congratulations on your 4 months Brother!

As 'bmdad' said, tread lightly. Our addiction has a way of sneaking up on us when we're not looking,  or being lazy in our habits, or when we turn our backs on it.

I can't tell you not to drink... I can only give you my experience, strength & hope: When I stopped taking the Rx meds I was addicted to, I decided to stop drinking as well. I wanted to the whole deal, as you put it, and wanted to do it the right way. Any mind altering substance is considered a hazzard for us.

Drinking is basically you trying to control yourself, when as an addict, we really don't have control of our use & abuse. I would advise you to stay VERY vigilent and keep attending meetings, drinking or not. When you start to miss meetings, you'll start to lose focus on your goal (which is & should be, staying clean & sober).

If you find yourselfr drinking to get drunk, or drinking more frequently than the odd Friday here & there, or the odd party, you should STOP completely. Again, I'm not here to tell you what to do, but if I was your sponsor, I'd advise you to quit while you're ahead and not risk drinking. Getting a buzz might lower your inhibitions, and if your DOC is available, you might be tempted to say, "Okay... maybe just this one time". It's a downward spiral from there.

Stay strong Brother, and keep us up to speed on your progress. Congratulations again on your 4-months. Go to a b'day meeting a pick up a chip! 14-months on 11/07 for me, so I'm in your boat as well (ie: early in my recovery and just now learning the ropes).

Take care.

LMNO

[bmdad]

I can't really answer your question but just wanted to say congrats on 4 months!! That's a huge accomplishment!
I think everyone is a little different on how much aftercare they need to stay clean. The problem is there is really no way to know how much we need. It seems that the only way we find out we need to do more is by a relapse and by then it's too late. The more you put into it the less likely you are to ever relapse. You say you have no desire to ever take another pill. The thing is, relapses tend to happen out of the blue and before we know what hit us. I too haven't worked the steps and honestly haven't even really thought about it until I read your post. You never know, the steps may just change our lives. Every one here that is working the steps has nothing but great things to say about them. I wonder if we ought to give it a try? Like I said above, the more work we put into staying clean, the better chance we have at staying clean. I feel we are kind of in the same place right now. I think if by chance we ever did relapse it would be much easier to take knowing we tried everything out there in the aftercare department instead of looking back wishing we had. I'm like you and don't see any relapse in my future at all but they do tend to sneak up on us.
I'm anxious to see the replies to your questions.
As for the drinking, if you had a problem with it before you need to tread lightly. I used to drink on occasion, mainly a weekend social drinker. I've never had a problem with it. I could drink every weekend for 6 months and go 6 months without. I decided to give it up because I'm not willing to take any chances of becoming hooked on something else. That's just me though. I see nothing wrong with the occasional drink but as addicts we have to be very careful. As for you drinking on occasion and going to AA. You are there for your pill addiction. If someone at your AA meeting who is an alcoholic feel guilty for taking vicodin as prescribed for pain? Not sure if that is a good way to compare it but what I am trying to get at is that you drink responsibly. Your problem is with pills. Just be careful if you use to drink a lot as you said.
Congrats on the clean time buddy!!

Brian