Been so Long

[ILoveLukey]

Well Hello to all. I have not been on for months. I like to follow everyones progress but kinda crawled into a shell to figure my own issues out.  Been on Subs since February. My doc would keep me on 2 a day as long as he would get his $100.00/month. I took myself down to one a day. Half morning/half evening. It has definately saved my life but I am so tired of it now. Hate depending on something. I am sure alot of you  can relate. I wan't to go down, and down, and down and get off of this stuff. I do worry that  when I get weaned off I will falter and want what I should't have.  Even though I have been on the Subs since Feb, I still feel that if I wean off, I will desire a pain pill again.  I don't want that but I know myself. My doc doesnt councel......he just writes scripts and takes his payment. I think I need to get into some kind of program because I really feel that when I get off the Subs, I will go back to Vicodens. God knows I dont want to. They have ruined my life.

[worried878]

girl if u r not confident that u can stay clean without that small dose of sub then do not go there.....or if u do and relapse get right back on track...i tend to agree that this is psychological for u...u may feel that u r taking something twice a day so u r ok....old behaviors do not change unless we change them,,,substitute an amino for the sub or a walk.....u r on a low dose but i do know u want to be free and i feel ur pain....and i also know it is easy to say or suggest things to u than it would be for me to actualluy do them..when u r on the outside looking in all seems easy...and i know it is not..keep posting

[ILoveLukey]

thanks for responding. Wonderful to "see" you all again. And thanks for the encouragement. You know, I take that half in am and that half in pm and I don't  know why. I don't feel like I need anything I just doi it because..............guess what......it's a habit. I realize that from stories read long ago that this part is easy , it is when you get down to 1/4 and 1/8 of a pill that can be tough. but I gotta get there sooner or later. Like I said I am so tired of these things. I definately need to work on finding some counseling. That is such an important part of this and I have had none. I don't really feel like I need someone to talk to about core issues and why I got addicted. There were no issues. I was on them for pain initially and then just loved the way they made me feel. Problems in life or not.........just loved the euphoria. Certainly I have not had that feeling since February. As you can see, I don't feel confident at this point. And this is where I am. I never want to go back to that place again. Just afraid I may slip after all this hard work. Love you guys. Hope all had a great Holiday.

[cathy5841]

HEY LUKEY...i have missed you.  glad you are doing okay.  as worried and avis said, get some aftercare.  it is essentail in long term recovery.  stay in touch girl and have a happy thanksgiving.

[worried878]

and u can help lots here that r getting on sub...that need to know more about it lukey...do stay and post ...it does help u know

[avisg]

Good to hear from you as you know sub can be a great tool but its only a tool .I understand you worring when you get off about relapsing .I hope you have been getting some aftercare thats is what will help you stay clean long term.You can do this dont forget we are always here for you.

[worried878]

hi there...long time no see girl!  glad u r well...u know if u feel u will relapse then it is not the time to quit the sub..sounds like u r pretty sure u will relapse,,what kind of support have u been getting?  any meetings or counseling?  I guess like cathy says..if nothing changes..then nothing changes...that is a low dose of sub tho girl...seems like u have done well