Want that Desire...

[cevva]

I really want that desire to stop using my opiates of choice. I just always feel the need to get high. I try to validate my addiction by turning to my pain(physical and mental) ... I am a mother of 3 young children and I just do not know what to do take myself out of this scary dark mess. I am about 24hours clean, however, not by choice. All I can think about is buying again due to the severe withdrawal. How do I stop this vicious cycle?

[Arsia]

Also, don't you want to feel happy again, without having to wait for a pill to kick in? Don't you want 'normal' to not have to be provided by drugs?
I know I do. It's a terrifying experience, withdrawals. Learning how to live without them.
But there are so many people here to help you, me included.

[Arsia]

I never had the desire to quit. But once you feel this withdrawals for the first time, you make a choice. Withdrawals are terrifying, and you can either spend your whole life avoiding them and fearing them, or you can just dedicate to getting over it now, and learning how to be happy on your own again. That's the hardest part for me. When you get 'high', your body kind of forgets how to make those happiness endorphins, because they're fabricated by the pills. So for awhile, you will feel like ****. But if you can put up with it, it'll come back, and you'll find that natural happiness is more satisfying than pills could ever be.
I feel a lot of pain, so that's how I justified my addiction, too. I admitted I was addicted a long time ago, always though 'I'll quit when I need to, I can quit whenever I want'. This was before I ever experienced withdrawals or knew much about them. I didn't think I could get addicted, not really. I learned the hard way.
The only way to stop the cycle is tough out the withdrawals.
Just once. Just a few weeks, a month.
What is that, compared to a life time of fear?

[10356]

Hi cevva.. Welcome to the forum.. ya know I felt the worst while I was in my active addiction. It brings you down and makes the world seem very bleak.. while we are using it changes the chemistry in our brain. It causes us to be lazy and to not be involved... sure in the beginning it seems we have more energy but it turns on us and our lives come crashing down.. recognizing the devil for what it is is a start.. convincing yourself that you are Not better off high is a big one for it is fact. your kids know the difference. we become short tempered plus we just do not care and we are lost to what is actually going on around us.. getting involved with your life makes such a difference.. it makes a difference for yourself and your children. They know when mom is tuned out. I used through my children's upbringing and due to this I have fuzzy memories.. trust me this is something you will want to look back on with clarity.. time moves fast while raising our youngens. too fast and doing drugs while doing it makes is go faster without the joys and memories that come with it.. Take care of you and turn yourself around Your brain is a powerful tool and has the ability to change ones outlook when we feed it a consistent diet of Positive reinforcement. In doing so you may find that life has a lot to offer a lot of Joy in between.. I wish you well. lesa

[bmdad]

A wise man on here once said something like this, "You will quit using once your desire to get clean is stronger than your desire to use". I know his quote wasn't worded exactly how I said it but it was something like that. You have to want it more than anything else. You need to realize that life is so much better when we are not high all the time. Get out a piece of paper and write down all the positive and negative things about using. On a separate piece of paper write down all the positive and negative things of being clean. Once you're done put the pieces on the table side by side and go over them. If you need help with any of the positives or negatives let us know. Maybe start another post and ask people to list their negatives and positives and I'm sure you will be able to relate to many. I can assure you that the negatives of using and the positives of being clean will be about the same length as will the positives of using and the negatives of not using. Maybe this will help you find that desire.

Best of luck.


Brian