Vicodin and how I feel now being rapidly detoxed

[Rebekkah]

I am desperate, please reply if you have any ideas.  I have been on Vicodin for about fifteen months and nine days ago was rapidly detoxed. I had a long history of depression etc for many years.  I was prescribed Vicodin ES for migraines and chronic hip pain for these last 15 months. Before the vicodin, I was tried on every combination known to man and psychopharmacology never proved to be beneficial. About fifteen months ago, I was hospitalized at Cedars sinai Psych unit for depression, cutting and suicidal ideations.  I was perscribed 100mg od demerol for about 33 days which would addict anyone to narcotics.  They switched me to Vicodin and supprisingly enough during the time I was on the Vicodin all of those intolerable feelings of wanting to end my life went away. I was fully functional, I also happen to be a medical professional which makes the whole situation worse.  I am not at all in trouble at work for this Vicodin issue.  They don't even know about it.  My issue now is that the feelings of cutting myself and wanting to take my life are back and very strong. I have a PHD and an aneshesiologist which believe the treatment is psychotherapy and more psych meds. I am tired of that. I just want to end it. I'm nervous about going back on Vicodin because that type of drug is not acceptable to society but the drugs that they want me one prozac etc are useless to me. My delemma Vicodin vs suicide.   Thank you for listening.

[Jim]

Iam also  addicted to vicodin. i went through cancer  and chemo. the vicdin made me normal and functional,Now it is dificult.  to get prescription.the withdrawls are bad to the point where i cannot even make myu own breakfast........  help

[Jim]

Iam also  addicted to vicodin. i went through cancer  and chemo. the vicdin made me normal and functional,Now it is dificult.  to get prescription.the withdrawls are bad to the point where i cannot even make myu own breakfast........  help

[Mercedes Arostigui]

Hi,
I also was prescribed vicodin for pain. I have Endometriosis its very painful however, I to am afraid of addiction. I have only been on them for the past 10 days and already I notice a change in my behavior. I am jittery. depressed, and quiet grumpy.
I think I will not take them again. I also have a hard time concentrating Im afraid to go through  withdrawals though. I can already feel it. Good Luck to you. God there has to be an easier way for people to get help.

[Jerry to Rebekkah]

Rebekkah,
I don't know about the confidentiality stuff. I know how easy it is to get a hold of records, and how people talk at the hospital.  I do not have much hope in that area.  On the other hand I do know of a few MDs and nurses who still work and were addicts.  They kept their licenses.  Regarding L.A., I can't believe that happened to you Rebekkah, I'm so so so sorry.  If you wan't to talk about the assault here we will give you all the support we can, I promise.  If not, I understand and won't mention it again.  

I have not checked the forum in a while since you stopped writing, but checked in tonight because I had a relapse a couple weeks ago.  I started using vicodin again and got up to 12 pills a day.  Last night my wife found out.  She found my stash and confronted me.  THANK GOD!!!  I have never lied to her about anything and can't believe what a relief it is that she is so understanding and willing to help.  Most of all that she is not mad at me.  I'm now tapering myself off the pills again over a few days, and have strong hopes of being able to remain sober.  I'm so glad to find out that I can talk to her.  She is my best friend but I was so affraid to disapoint her, and to admit that I'd broken our trust in eachother by lying about it.  I can't believe how wonderful she is about all this.  We also had a long talk about my depression (that she knew about but never understood).  She is an amazingly upbeat, stable, and well grounded person and just can't grasp the concept of being unhappy with yourself despite having everything going for you.  She CERTAINLY can not understand social anxiety.  She is trying though.  Luckily her best friend has depression (well, not *LUCKILY* but you know what I mean) and she has been going through it with her.  She understands a lot more now, and is much more receptive to the idea that people can have emotions and feelings that don't make sense to her.  

Anyway, I wanted to stop in and let you know about my relapse.  Just in case you thought I was strong for being able to do it in the first place; you were wrong.  Time for try number two.  I'll be checking back more now that I know you have returned to the board.  Please keep me posted and let me know how I can help.  I'll let you know how my second try at it is going.  With my wife now supporting me I am feeling a bit better and might be able to call you one day.  Not yet, but maybe. -Jerry

[Rebekkah]

Hi Jerry, I completely understand your fear, just keep my number if you like and call whenever you feel comfortable. I hope that you do because I would really like to talk to you!  You are not a wuss by any means probably just smarter than myself ie putting my phone number on line!!  After I wrote the response, I got nervous myself but I need to be able to trust someone at this point. I am doing ok Jerry but was sexually assaulted in LA when I was staying in a hotel for a nursing convention and my Vicodin use has increased. I really need to commit to a more appropriate amout each day.  I am thinking about going into a detox program for 3 to 7 days and than begin the Revia as I was prescribed after the rapid detox. I have only one concern Jery. Will they keep my cofidentiality so I am not in jepordy with the board. I hope you are doing well.  Write back ok!! I hope everyone else in the forum is doing as well as can be expected with this affliction. Thanks for all the support and sorry it has taken so long to respond.

[Vicodin Gurrl]

I have been reading all of the posts on this site for about a month now. I am also an addict. I have been abusing opiates for as long as I can remember, (I am 26 now). Over the last year and a half my abuse of mainly Vicodin has escalated dramatically. I honestly dont even know how it happened. I used to just take one pill a night when I had a tough day at work, just to unwind and relax...the euphoria was the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced...I fell in love with the drug. I have now reached the point of taking anywhere from 3-8 pills per day. I told myself that I would never take vicodin while at work, but lately I have found that I have a much better day if I take a Darvocet N100 every 4-5 hours while working, it makes the day just fly by, I am much more open and cheerful, and I can rationalize this by telling myself that Darvocet is basically just aspirin with a little kick, and I dont get "that feeling" or become unsafe like I would if it were vicodin. Darvocet also helps to prevent uncomfortable withdrawls while at work. I should say that it keeps getting harder and harder to get "that feeling" even with the vic's (damn tolerance!. I suffer from chronic migraine headaches so in addition to vicodin I frequently go to the ER for Demerol injections. The highest dose doesnt even treat my pain or get me high anymore...I think Im screwed. I go thru my lowly 30 tabs of vicodin in about a week, leaving me with 3 weeks to suffer or scam pills from friends, etc...I hate being addicted and pill counting, but I cant see life without them!  Opiates and I have a wild love affair, and short of any future pregnancy, I can honestly say that I will probably never get clean. I just dont know how this happened to me. I dont like alcohol and have never been interested in or even tried any "street drugs". I take antidepressants for anxiety disorders, and feel that opiates are the best thing going for such afflictions. While Prozac and the like have been EXTREMELY helpful in treating my previously debilitating anxiety, NOTHING comes close to Vicodin. I am 100% in agreement with all of the others who have posted here advocating for opiate use as an antidepressant. IT WORKS!  It makes everything beautiful and worthwhile...I always ponder how others can live their lives sans opiates...they dont know what they are missing!  (They probably arent sitting up nights contemplating schemes to get more pills out of their trusty MD's either)  :)
Anyway, finding this board has been a Godsend for me...kudos for all of you who are quitting/contemplating quitting...you are amazing.  As for me, Im just gonna curl up with my opiate buzz and read some more of the postings on this board. (Sorry for the longwinded-ness of my comments, I just feel like I have a lot of bottled up stuff to spew about right now!)  I plan to write again soon, hope no one minds!