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7163794 tn?1457366813

Well here i am again...with my son...

So, some of you know me...I was on here a little over 5 years ago in full withdrawal coming off of 7 years of a too high dose of subs that I got on after a 6/7 year run with opiates.  This site helped me to get clean and then taking some suggestions (from people that were actually clean) I found recovery, which is how I STAY clean!  Recovery has given me my life back.

Tuesday of last week was the last straw and my husband and I had to confront my 28 year old son regarding his heroin use.  On January 6th, 2019, I celebrated my 5 year keytag and medallion of which he showed up completely high.  Not real funny, but when your in a room full of addicts....THEY KNOW! After the mtg I can't tell you how many people came up to me to ask if I realized this.  I didn't want to admit it...but it was time.  So we confronted him last Tuesday, January 8th, and moved him, his wife and my 3 year old grandson into our home and began detoxing him (of which he was completely on board with!). We're out on the other end of the sickness part physically...but he's still in a after withdrawal "malaise" and may be here for awhile.

I know it's attraction rather than promotion...but as a parent this is really hard!  I can't make him find recovery he has to find it himself.  In talking with him I have asked him what he plans to do when cravings come back...BECAUSE THEY WILL!  The statement Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part couldn't be more evident in this situation.  If you get stuck on heroin I think you really have to consider you might be an addict?  Recreational drug users don't get stuck on heroin...sorry for whoever that pisses off.  There are people that can occasionally smoke pot, drink, do pills, etc...I'M NOT ONE OF THEM AND NEITHER IS MY SON!  He is an addict like his mother....does he really have to make the same mistakes I did...probably...which is driving me completely insane!
UGHHHHH.....I had to write this down people...thanks for listening.
8 Responses
Avatar universal
You can be his mentor, having been down that road yourself. You can tell him your story, and endlessly sympathize with him.

Your personal story might be very helpful to him. (Include all the relapses. We learn by failure, not by success.)

My son's been down that road. Having a probation officer is the only thing that works for him. Being drug tested frequently keeps him clean, and he likes it. Makes him proud to prove he's clean. [When he's not, I sympathize, while his PO arrests him, I tell him because that stuff can kill you, and we're trying to keep you alive. The concept of 'punishment' is never used. It's always "How long did you last before you relapsed? Good job! Let's try this again and see if you can stay clean longer this time. You're doing well. You're still alive." Endless finding the positive, finding his strengths and pointing them out to him. This is where you fit in the world, these are your strengths, this is what you are good at.]

Best wishes!
Avatar universal
So sorry Melissa. Wish I knew the right words.... Prayers for your son. That's what saved me I honestly believe.
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Just make sure you dont enable him.......Have you checked out Alanon?  I would recommend his wife doing the same thing.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself thru this also.  That is very important.  I know first hand the emotions you are going thru right now.  I have a very close family member who has been going thru this also.  

7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks for the suggestions...they are much appreciated.  Perhaps one of the benefits of going to a treatment facility is that the staff there is less emotionally involved then when it's the actual parents.  He had no insurance so this is what he gets...I have him at work with me today (because he works with us at our family business) but not actually working.  Trying to get him up and moving to help with the malaise that seems to be right now.  

How do you get addicts to understand that this isn't a willpower or strength disorder?  I had strength and I sure as **** had willpower...and I still couldn't stay clean without recovery!  It's not a disease of character...it's a disease of the mind!
Avatar universal
My recovery was incredibly difficult. So difficult with so many horrible experiences that I am cured. I used to go on and off hydrocodone. I would be sick for a week and depressed for another then would be well on third week. Would start the process over every time my back went out. A greedy doctor put me on Suboxone for my habit mentioned above. I became complacent, lost my zest for life, and my sexual desire. Stayed on it for 7 years. Then I quit cold turkey. The most difficult thing I have done in my 63 years of life. SSRI type mental withdrawal. 3 weeks of physical withdrawal. Months with little or no sleep. Then to top it off my son got scared of my delirious behavior. He tricked me into going to the ER which would land me in rehab after being two months clean. They held me down and shot me up with their nasty drugs. Discharged with six prescriptions that I did not fill. Felt assaulted and abused in there. Still having trouble forgiving my son. Had IBS for 11 months after quitting Suboxone. The keto diet finally cured it. Have been off Suboxone for exactly a year. Did it on my own and nearly lost my family. The delirious behavior that follows is hard for anyone to tolerate. After walking this path I will never return. I have absolutely no desire to return. It would have been easier with a support group. I was unable to say powerless. I overpowered it and it nearly cost me and my family. I apologize. This was intended to be a comment but ended up being a post.
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
No problems....i liked reading it.
Sometimes writing it down is a good reminder of where we dont ever want to go again!
1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh melissa i am so sorry to read this. How are things going?
Debbie
Avatar universal
Hey, girl. Sorry to hear about this. I have a feeling I know what you might say to one of us if it was our loved one: stay out of the way and get thee to an alanon meeting.

You sound frustrated that he isn't seeing what you see. Who can blame you? I was in alanon BEFORE my active addiction because I was dating an alcoholic. It was life changing. In all areas of life, I learned how to detach: sometimes w/ love, sometimes not. And learned what I think "should" happen, isn't always the best outcome. Sometimes the universe has better ideas. Anyway, I can't recommend it enough. And like everyone else said, take care of yourself first and foremost (as I'm sure you will!)

Lots of love to you!
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495284 tn?1333894042
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