You can be his mentor, having been down that road yourself. You can tell him your story, and endlessly sympathize with him.
Your personal story might be very helpful to him. (Include all the relapses. We learn by failure, not by success.)
My son's been down that road. Having a probation officer is the only thing that works for him. Being drug tested frequently keeps him clean, and he likes it. Makes him proud to prove he's clean. [When he's not, I sympathize, while his PO arrests him, I tell him because that stuff can kill you, and we're trying to keep you alive. The concept of 'punishment' is never used. It's always "How long did you last before you relapsed? Good job! Let's try this again and see if you can stay clean longer this time. You're doing well. You're still alive." Endless finding the positive, finding his strengths and pointing them out to him. This is where you fit in the world, these are your strengths, this is what you are good at.]
So sorry Melissa. Wish I knew the right words.... Prayers for your son. That's what saved me I honestly believe.
Just make sure you dont enable him.......Have you checked out Alanon? I would recommend his wife doing the same thing. Make sure you are taking care of yourself thru this also. That is very important. I know first hand the emotions you are going thru right now. I have a very close family member who has been going thru this also.
Thanks for the suggestions...they are much appreciated. Perhaps one of the benefits of going to a treatment facility is that the staff there is less emotionally involved then when it's the actual parents. He had no insurance so this is what he gets...I have him at work with me today (because he works with us at our family business) but not actually working. Trying to get him up and moving to help with the malaise that seems to be right now.
How do you get addicts to understand that this isn't a willpower or strength disorder? I had strength and I sure as **** had willpower...and I still couldn't stay clean without recovery! It's not a disease of character...it's a disease of the mind!
My recovery was incredibly difficult. So difficult with so many horrible experiences that I am cured. I used to go on and off hydrocodone. I would be sick for a week and depressed for another then would be well on third week. Would start the process over every time my back went out. A greedy doctor put me on Suboxone for my habit mentioned above. I became complacent, lost my zest for life, and my sexual desire. Stayed on it for 7 years. Then I quit cold turkey. The most difficult thing I have done in my 63 years of life. SSRI type mental withdrawal. 3 weeks of physical withdrawal. Months with little or no sleep. Then to top it off my son got scared of my delirious behavior. He tricked me into going to the ER which would land me in rehab after being two months clean. They held me down and shot me up with their nasty drugs. Discharged with six prescriptions that I did not fill. Felt assaulted and abused in there. Still having trouble forgiving my son. Had IBS for 11 months after quitting Suboxone. The keto diet finally cured it. Have been off Suboxone for exactly a year. Did it on my own and nearly lost my family. The delirious behavior that follows is hard for anyone to tolerate. After walking this path I will never return. I have absolutely no desire to return. It would have been easier with a support group. I was unable to say powerless. I overpowered it and it nearly cost me and my family. I apologize. This was intended to be a comment but ended up being a post.
No problems....i liked reading it.
Sometimes writing it down is a good reminder of where we dont ever want to go again!
Oh melissa i am so sorry to read this. How are things going?
Hey, girl. Sorry to hear about this. I have a feeling I know what you might say to one of us if it was our loved one: stay out of the way and get thee to an alanon meeting.
You sound frustrated that he isn't seeing what you see. Who can blame you? I was in alanon BEFORE my active addiction because I was dating an alcoholic. It was life changing. In all areas of life, I learned how to detach: sometimes w/ love, sometimes not. And learned what I think "should" happen, isn't always the best outcome. Sometimes the universe has better ideas. Anyway, I can't recommend it enough. And like everyone else said, take care of yourself first and foremost (as I'm sure you will!)
Lots of love to you!