Pregnant and Disgusted

[sandy221568]

Hi, I am a mother of toddlers and young school aged children, who just found out she's pregnant, and is disgusted with herself.  Anyways, I came out to my husband a couple months ago about the truth of my pill popping and we started plans of when I would stop, always having to push it back because of appointments for my children.  From then I started to kind of bring it down to 4-5 and eventually 3 a day by the time we had planned again to start next week when he would have 3 days off, but well I just found out I was pregnant and don't want to wait.
I've been on Hydrocodone 10/325 for about 4yrs now taking an average of 8 a day before coming out to my husband.  I've always used excuses like needing it just to be productive throughout the day taking care of my family.  Well, I'm on day 3 of taking 1 1/2 and I'm scared, sore, sick, tired.  On top of everything I am on day 3 quitting smoking as well.  My husband wants me to taper saying he read it's harmful for the baby if I go cold turkey but I think I may only be 9 weeks.  I can't stop thinking about what I've been poisoning my baby with and scared I may have caused damage.  I'm sick and barely able to care for my children and husband.  On Sunday I prepared the weeks school clothes, dinners, and housework, but I still have one at home I have to care for and it's so hard and scary.  I don't know what to do.  I want to take the 1 just so that I can somewhat function and feel better, but it just feels like I'm prolonging this horrible process.  How should I finish off the taper or should I just stop.  I have a lot of functions and appointments next week.  If I went to nothing right now would it be harder than it was these past 3 days and how much longer.  What can I take to ease the symptoms and be more alert for my family?  What problems could I have caused the baby.  I know I put myself in this predicament, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

[cathy7871]

Hang in there!!   I am sure you are hurting, but this will be so much better for you, your baby, and your family.  Take time for yourself and try to move around.  Make short term goals.  Tell yourself that at such and so time your gonna go and clean something.  Tell yourself your gonna do it for 20 min. At the end of 20 minutes you can rest, but usually I would keep going for another 15 min.  Was a good feeling to see that I could do it even longer.  That gave me even more motivation to beat this crap and made me feel good about myself.  Be strong.....Stay focused.

[vicki595]

I guess you didn't pay attention to one thing that was said to you...that's too bad.

Good luck with this cold turkey that you insist on doing...

[sudie58]

your doing really well,sandy. i am so glad youve got your husband to help look after you and support you, its good your going to tell your ob everything. your doing the right thing for you and your baby, you will feel better soon, hang on in there, take care ,stay strong, sudie,

[sandy221568]

last night i was cold then hot then cold again.  can't stop the nausea and bathroom usage and cramping.  the tiredness and fatigue is horrible.  the pains i feel in my back and legs.  i had to take half almost 23 hours after the last, but not much help.  This morning much better, still cold but sweaty gross, no bathroom, feeling hungry but unable to eat anything.  i called several ob's and got an appointment for next week the soonest.  i can't wait till then to get off im almost there.  im not taking any today, i need to rid myself of this.  i can honestly say i was taking pill because it was easy, at no expense really, only because to me it kept me going.  thank you all for all your words of kindness and support.  im giving myself today and today only to get better my husband took off tomorrow i need to better myself for my family and i will.  thank you.

[edw83]

What courage you have,  no matter how you feel about yourself you have earned my deepest respect,  admitting you have a problem wanting to take care of your unborn child is the greatest thing,  the upcoming weeks are going to be hard but think about the end result,  tapering off can be done but it takes extreme will power,  with your husband on board with you and this is my personal opinion from my past experiences hand the pills to your husband and let him deal them to you as prescribed i know my self couldn't control myself on them,  God bless you and your family ill have you and your family in my prayers,  stay strong you can do this!

[cathy7871]

How are you doing this evening?  Admitting you have a problem is the first step, and seeking help is the next.  Please call that OB in the morning.  The sooner you seek help and get some sound medical advice, the sooner you will be on your way to recovering. Minute by minute...day by day..step by step...You will win!!

[sandy221568]

thank you so much.  it feels good knowing people out there who don't even know me feels for me.  my husband gave me a number to an ob and i will hopefully build the courage to call tomorrow, i can see how important it is.  can any of you tell me how it was for you?

[vicki595]

Sandy~  I bumped that post up for you.

I know what you're trying to do here but I have to tell you that what you're doing is harmful. If you feel sick your baby is going to feel that also. It's best to stay out of withdrawal.
It's up to you but I urge you to get a doctor's appt. very soon.

[IBKleen]

Sandy, You should listen to the advise given and go see your OBGYN. Doctors see this everyday, believe me, it is nothing new to them and they know how to handle it. It doesn't matter what they think of you (and I don't think they will judge you), it is a matter of what is best for your unborn child. There is no need to be ashamed.

Your doctor may suggest a proper taper schedule and if so we can help you through that with support and advise on things that worked for us.

I hope you do see your doctor before you go any further. Best to all of you.

[sandy221568]

I have not yet seen an OB, I'm in a difficult position.  I thought I'd get this out of my system before I see one.  I guess I was wrong.  I'm afraid of what they'll say or think of me or do knowing have children.  No one else knows but my husband and that was devastating and shameful.  I tried looking for a post by Sara is there a title?  I feel like I'm so close to going without it.  It's been 14 hours since my last half and I'm striving for longer unless my husband comes home from work soon I'm going to need to take it so that I can prepare snack and settle the kids from school.  Thank you for your advice, I will look for a OB, but in my situation I feel that can't happen until I'm out with the pills.  My children are too important to me I can't risk it.  How long does it take to leave your system?

[LeaAnn807]

HI!  You are right to taper, but you really need to talk to your doctor.  Have you seen an OB doc yet?  If not, make an appointment and go ahead and speak to your medical doctor.  Or call the OB and tell them what's going on over the phone.  There needs to be a taper plan developed for you by your doctor.  Don't take anything to ease WD until you talk to them ok?  

[vicki595]

Hi-
Don't stop abruptly! Get in touch with an OB soon and discuss this. The doctor will help you taper or stay at a reasonable dose but one thing we know is that it's dangerous to just stop.

I know it's difficult. Please scroll down on the forum. There's a post by Sara that you should read. Stay in touch. Call the doctor,okay?