ok, a toughy, I am so confused, please any feedback?

[sonndra123]

I was an addict at 20, meth, then alcohol, crack. You name it, if it got me out of this world, I did it. I finally went through a detox center after my husband died at 25 of an od, and I said to my self "THIS IS IT", went in for 18 days, I met this guy, we hit it off out of loneliness and he was handsome so I let him move in with me, not knowing he was a pill popper. He did have epilepsy, and constantly were given pills (narcotics) for lacerations after a grand mall seizure. I had never done a pill in my life, he says I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to get my meds, lord know he got 123 oxytocin, 120 soma,120 Xanax. As my usual self as if I learned nothing in that damn rehab, I said what do they make you feel like. He told me and I was sold. I did my first oxy, and omg, I functioned, no hangover, I kept myself together, and I felt like this was the perfect drug. This was back in 2001. After 3 years of doing pills, the withdrawals were worse than any drug I've ever taken, I'd had it. Went it on a 10 day detox, met a doctor that had a license to write for subutex. It saved my world. My boyfriend died a year later. So I'm 40 now, I had been sober 7 years off of EVERYTHING....I have degenerative disc disease, but over the last year its gotton so bad, I cry all night long. I cant clean, work, I h ad to give my newborn daughter to my mother, something went from basic degenerative to the worst pain I could of ever dream of. The subutex wouldn't even help. I'm back on pills and I'm so scared. I'm newly married, and he's up to his head in my pain or my addiction, choose a day. I'm tired, so tired, fearful, but its either being in unbearable pain, or try and do as prescribed. I asked for mild stuff but I'm still having a hard time taking them right. Plus I'm on psyche meds. Fiorcet with codeine, soma and Xanax. I don't get into anything anymore, I'm still in pain, tell me how do addicts deal with chronic pain????? Yes, the pain medication does make it more bearable, and I get a sensation on pain free maybe one a day, but is it worth me becoming as bad as I was. I know I will get worse. If anyone can say anything, you cant go wrong at this point. Thank you

[weaver71]

I think you're doing all the right things. Keep searching, try not to anticipate anything. Definitely talk to your doctors honestly about your concerns. You may need meds, maybe not, but keep working on the mental/emotional side of addiction. Honest efforts will produce honest fruit, maybe not what you expect, but I beleive our efforts are always rewarded.

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!

There are absolutely some addicts who need pain meds to manage a chronic pain condition, or severe acute pain episode.  It's tricky, but it can be done.

The most important thing is that you have a plan in place, which it sounds like you do.  That would involve having a loved one hold the medicine, while also trying any kind of non-habit forming kind of pain relief as well, and only taking the absolute minimal amount.  You're continuing to be evaluated for other options, which is good.  How often are you finding yourself needing the pain meds for the pain?  How much have you been taking?

Also, it's very important that you're 100% honest with all of your medical practitioners.  It needs to be noted that you're an addict.  That adds accountability for you.

Also, you have to keep working your recovery...addiction counseling, AA/NA, group therapy, whatever works for you.  One of the hardest things for an addict with real pain to do is to objectively assess their pain.  There is always that lingering doubt that the assessment might not be accurate or truthful, as that addict brain loves to play tricks.

Best to you...keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like you've got most things covered.  I sincerely hope you are able to find something to manage your pain that doesn't involve an opiate, as that would make things so much easier for you!

[sonndra123]

Thanks for the sharing your story, honestly, I don't know how you do it. Congrats! My husband is holding my meds. The problem is I cant even get up, to go to physical therapy, I cant even get up to do dishes. Its that bad. I have pinched nerves as well, but that was determined 1 years ago, I just got a new MRI this last Thursday, I'm going a specialist that does Facet injections, there supposed to help people with major pain for at least a year. So he will be getting the results, I'm fearing it won't show the pain I'm going through. I can't live this way, something has to give, ya know?

[sonndra123]

Thank you, I would sware on my daughters life, I've tried aspercream, 800 mgs of Motrin, braces, its throughout the night when I sleep. I wake up every 2 hours in extreme pain. Good news is I just got a MRI on Thursday, and that will be sent to my Primary and specialist. They have, what they call Facet Injections now that could make you pain free up to a few years, that's the specialist I'm going to. I'm praying, it will work. Again than you~ Are you a recovering addict, or trying to get sober if you don't mind me asking?

[weaver71]

I don't know all the details of your pain, but I had to chose between pain and death. I was close. For 6 months after detox, my pain was worse than it ever had been. Also, the meds kept me from seeking alternatives and made me push myself too hard. I have to be aware of myself all the time. Today for example, I have to rest my body. I feel the swelling that leads to pinched nerves. Your situation sound worse than mine, but I do know what it's like to not be able to move a finger or even lay still without excruciating pain. I would seek alternatives, physical therapy, message, diet, mild exercises, and over the counter meds. You have seen first hand where addiction leads and process your own lack of control. Can your husband give you your meds for now? With a steady dose, your mind should be clear enough to research, like you are doing here. No matter what dose you are on, you will need more eventually. What other forms of therapy have you tried, besides pills?

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi Sandra and welcome. I don't have much advice to give regarding solutions for pain management, but hopefully someone will come along soon who does. There are great people here who give lots of good advice. I've heard OTC pain meds sometimes do the trick better than opiates/opioids. Again, not too sure but hang in there and keep posting.