how do i stay sober?

[chrisjavier]

i feel like its a stupid question. i've been sober for 12 days now..i'm starting to crack under pressure, and i want to start smoking and popping pills again. im starting to miss the high, and the numbness i had . im missing the happiness, and the satisfaction that im completely out of reality.
im missing it so badly. and i wanna kick the habit of smoking pot, and sleeping pills..and drinking .  i wanna stay sober for awhile..
but i'm young, im 18 ..outgoing.. theres no doubt that im going to be at a party and somethings gonna be there.

how do i hold out against my temptation, when im so young and everyone's doing it?

[chrisjavier]

sure i am, im desperate really.
but even when im around people or with my family.
deep deep deep down inside, im alone.
deep down inside, i feel like im crying, souless and just want to die.
i pray to God every night just to die, becaue i dont want to live.
i can't sleep at night because all of my insecurites kill me, that why i get high ..
so i can forget the reality, this hell .. that i'm living in.
it's really not worth going on for, what do i have to live for ?
honestly, like if im not happy with life why continue?
the best part of my day is when i sleep because i escape.
today i slept 16 hours.

[Punkinhead75]

There are ways of getting out of the loneliness other than getting high.  Are you willing to do them?

[chrisjavier]

make money, and try to stay with my friends.
now that i moved out of my town, i dont have either.
im slipping back to smoking everyday because it numbs me, so i dont have to realize how lonely i am out here

[Punkinhead75]

Hey Chris,

What made you want to be sober for that month?

[patconcern]

Because your life is important. Because you matter! Because if you keep being the slave of this poison, the worls will never know the real you: the person you are within and are meant to be. Instead, you will be the person that those making money off of you by selling you this junk want you to be.
Because they would have won! We would have lost!
You can do it guy! Call for help! Call NA or call the nearest hospital! Call 911! Whatever it takes! DO not let them win! Do not go without a fight! Go out, walk, read, find NA meetings, take a shower! (This may seem dumb until you actually do it!: play sudoko! just keep your mind active, away from anything that bothers your mind or reminds you of the poison! Power to you!! God Bless! DO NOT GIVE UP! LIVE TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL!

[chrisjavier]

honestly, i dont care about anyone else around me.
i've been alone.
i like drugs cause they make me happy.
im so ******* tired of being pissed at God, i hate the world, i feel as if the world is pressing against me.
i hate this, and the only way i sore above it , is to get high..
and higher and higher and higher.
im going to hell regardless, why should i try to change things now..

[Punkinhead75]

hi chris. What were you doing to stay sober for the month?  My brain used to tell me (and it still can) that the only way I can get relief and be happy is to use.  However that is not true.  The happiness that I found from working some steps is much better than that fake happiness I used to get from using. I have seen people soberly go through many challenges in their lives:divorce,loss of job, injury, death of a family member, house burn down, boredom, the list goes on and on.  Am I willing to put the effort in to not use today?  Thanks for sharing!!!!!

[chrisjavier]

like i was sober for an entire month...
but i couldnt take it anymore, i waso edgy..
i just moved into college, and i hate it here.
mainly because its not a very diverse school and i have no friends here.
so im so much more depressed than usual.
i want to transfer out.
i just started smoking..so i could be happy..

[Punkinhead75]

Glad you made it back and got honest with us.  One of the questions I was asked was am I willing to go to any length to stop drinking and drugging?. At the time drugs and alcohol had my butt thoroughly kicked and I was absolutely willing.  My friend told me that I should go to this meeting, raise my hand and ask for help.  Boy was I scared.  First of all I don't like dealing with new places and people, and second I didn't like talking to strangers.  However,  I was willing and I did it.  Then great things started to happen.  People gave me phone numbers(which I never called,  LOL), they set me up with a book that taught me a lot about my illness(addiction) and they gave me a list of meetings.  By going to meetings and talking with others I soon learned what it was I needed to do to stay clean and sober.  Oh boy,  more effort required on my part.  I put the effort in and stayed clean for 1 1/2 yrs.  I was feeling better and doing well.  Relationship with wife and family got better, was doing well at work and enjoying life.  Shortly life stuff hit and I got overwhelmed. I turned to prescription meds for energy to get chores done.  Threw sobriety right out the window.  So like you I had to humble myself and admit that I had used.  The people welcomed me back and helped me feel better about myself.  This month by the Grace of God I will be blessed with 4yrs sobriety.  I'm not saying that to brag.  I'm sharing that so others can know that there is a way to get out of our addictions that works.

Here's a few suggestions which helped me:  
AA/Na meetings
Intensive OutPatient Therapy (IOP)
Get a sponsor
Be Honest

By following these suggestions you may never have to drink or drug again and enjoy a happy life.  God Bless!!!!  Keep coming!!!!

[chrisjavier]

i havent replied in a while because i feel ashamed that i've smoke everyday.so much for being sober.
i stopped taking meds, pot's been always there for me.
i've been ridicuoulsly anxious, and now that i can smoke its taking the edge from me.
i still feel shittier more than ever, but pot makes me happy.

[pattifan]

Hi Chris,

By my crappy arithmetic I reckon you must be around day 19 now.

Congratulations on that. It's really good going.

My feeling is that if you feel the urge to use is growing, you need increased support.

Have you considered something like Narcotics Anonymous? There will probably be a group at your college, but if not the college certainly have counsellors that will be able to help you develop a plan for moving forward.

You could try going to the NA website which will tell you where your nearest group is.

Hang in there.

Take care

[chrisjavier]

i just moved into college, away from home..
so im really new to this, now im really alone.
and honestly eh.
ive continued my sobriety.
but my urge still grows each day.
its me 2nd day here .

[pattifan]

Hi Chris,

The temptation for me is to say that it's time to move on from your ex girlfriend.

Unfortunately, I know only too well that it's just as easy as all that:(

Is there anyone within your family, or circle of friends that you could talk to about all your feelings. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.

You say your dad isn't talking to you at the moment, but is he aware of what you're going through? Do you feel able to tell him.

You still need to be very proud of what you've achieved in staying clean for so long, but you still need a shoulder to lean on from time to time.

Look out for your 'Islands of Safety' whether those are friends, relatives, doctors, favourite places or just a book, and use them to the full.

Also know that you have the support of everyone here on the list 24 hrs a day.

Thinking of you.

[chrisjavier]

i just woke up from night mares dreaming of her.
i was hugging my pillow thinking it was her, leaning on the pillow ..thinking it was her.
so the second i woke up, wasnt all that great.
im unsure as to how the rest of my day will go.
my dad isnt talking to me still, because of the ticket i got from the cops 2 nights ago.

[pattifan]

Hi Chris,

So how are things going?

Have you been feeling any better?

[chrisjavier]

thats exactly what i did, i stayed home and read a book..

[pattifan]

Hi Chris,

Hang in there tonight.

Just try to distract yourself as best you can.

Surf the net or put on a DVD. Maybe invite a friend round.

Stay strong

[pattifan]

Chris,

There are going to be crap days. They're miserable but you need to be strong enough to ride them out.

On the Depression Forum you said that the depression was easing up a bit. At least that's on good think. Look at the positives.

Look around you for your 'Islands of Safety'...  Good friends, doctor, list support, favourite places where you feel safe, favourite music....  whatever trips your trigger.

You've done too well to slide back now, and you need to be proud of your achievement.

Stay strong and things will get better for you.

Take care

[chrisjavier]

i feel like crap today, far worse than yesterday.
i dont have high hopes for the rest of today

[pattifan]

Well done Chris.

OK it may have been a slip but in a way it helped you, so don't beat yourself up about this.

You realised you didn't need it and you left it alone, that's a big step.

Sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday, and hope today is better for you.

Keep posting and take care

[chrisjavier]

so guys, its not exactly a good thing.
but i drank, know its a set back ..but it was all at moderation.
it wasnt much, and something in the back of my mind really hit me.
that this isnt even fun, so i just stopped.
like i just put it down and just stopped, i didnt have fun..it wasnt fun.
i really didnt have a good day yesterday, and breaking my sobriety streak disapoints me.
first i get a ticket from the cops and then i drink, yeah i feel like its stupid.
but yesterday wasnt my day.

i realized that drinking just lost its 'fun ' affect.
i've never been a heavy drinker, and its never been a problem for me.
but its still a substance.

[j34]

For me I had to start being around ppl who were not using ,find something that you can do with sober ppl. I went to aa and na ,now around 2 yrs later I do not have one friend who drinks or uses and we have fun,bbqs, bikerides,bd party,shopping,swimming,movies,have close relationships,helping each otheis  out in hard time,being there for the good times,it is agood life, find a source to help you throught these difficutl times I knwo I couldnt do it alone and really I dont know anybody who had done it alone...am here anytine for you just ask hugs

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome to the Forum!

I saw you are from Jersey. I am a Joisey girl, born and raised, and pretty close to where you are.

Anyway listen Chris..you are young and I give you a boat load of credit for putting 12 days under your belt. That is amazing for anyone, at any age!! But with you it's probably mostly peer pressure. I know it was for me at that age and back then we didn't have the luxury of the internet so too many other places to go for help.

With addiction there is no such thing as moderation. It is progressive and I will bet if you think about the first time you tried something until now you will see how far you have come with it.

Are you living at home with your parents? In school? I ask this because these are places you may be able to go for help. I think counseling would be a huge help for you. If depression is an issue then using drugs will only make that worse and escalate it...believe it or not.

We are here to help you and to make suggestions to you. Please keep talking..it doesn't matter about what. Talking is a good thing.

I hope you come back on and stick around.

[chrisjavier]

i feel like , if i do endulge in substances.
i want to do this at moderation.
if anything just to drink. like wine at the dinner table, or something small and simple.
nothing like binge drinking.

i want to quit very badly, temptations are far to large.
and an addiction to my ex girlfriend, i dont want to talk to her again and relapse with her either.
that'll just make me escalate worse in my depression and ultimately make me relapse.