Madisonjsmom Husband

[Madisonjsmom]

How can I help my wife stop using pain killers? She is a good person but she gets aggiated and frustraed very very easy  . And I need her here for our daughter.


Thanks
MG

[dominosarah]

Hi this is sara.....i have posted on her thread again.  I hope she will flush them.  As for you, take away anything that would be enabling her to get the pills.  Addiction is so hard and i know how she is feeling.  It suxs really bad and it is hard as he!! but it can be done.  I am over 9 months clean.  Is there anyway she could get into some sort of AA/NA or see a counselor.  We have to dig deep within ourselves to find out why we do take pills.  It is alot of work but so worth it in the end.  Many of us have told our doctors we are addicts and they have helped us thru.  Becoming totally honest with ourselves and others is key here.  Be supportive of her as having family support is very important.  Just dont enable her in any way.  We know she is a good person but she has to want to get off these pills for herself.

[disFUNctional]

I agree with sara.  She has to WANT to quit.  We are here for support!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I have communicated with your wife since she showed up here. And you are correct - she is a good person. Support her in every way that you can, without enabling her. Remind her that you love her. And remind her that its not all about herself. There is a whole family involved and being affected. Ask her if there may not be something that the whole family could enjoy together and have fun doing with the money it takes to keep the pills around.

[corey411]

Hi, My name is Corey and your wife and I talked many times. Everyone is right...she has to more than want to. You would never believe how hard this is unless you actually went through it. My boyfriend has been very supportive, but has a hard time understanding why I can't just quit. Heck, I have a hard time understanding it. It's not something that can be rationalized. I know that I wanted to quit more than anything the times that I relapsed but I just caved. Sometimes it was because the way that I was feeling from mental withdrawal was too much for me and sometimes it just blindsided me. It takes many months to get threw this. At 4+ months I have days when I'm so full of anxiety that I would probably take a pill if I had one just to remember what it was like to feel free of this emotional state I go into. Your wife is a great lady and I know that she loves her family and wants to stay clean. You are awesome for supporting her like this. Just remember, like eagle says.....don't enable her. I know that she will pull through this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless. Corey

[faithnhope41]

You are a good man, she'll need you through her detoxing. She's going to be in pain and fluish and irritable. Put up with it, give her all your support and strength. Let her know you're behind her. She has to want to quit, but it helps knowing you understand. I had to do it alone. Don't let her. If she needs to, maybe it would be better to put her in the hospital for medical detox. But she has to be willing to stay clean with all her heart and soul, or it's useless. I'll keep you both in my prayers. Take  care.
Lisa

[LIZZIE LOU]

"she is a good person but she gets aggrivated and frustrated very very easy"

i dont mean this to hurt your feelings...but that statement right there is you justifying here addiction.  being aggrivated and frustrated is no reason to start back taking pills.

the best thing that you can do for your wife is to support her recovery...BUT NOT HER ADDICTION ! ! !  she needs to understand that it is NOT ok with you for her to continue in this cycle.  she needs to understand that it is not fair for her to take herself from you and your child.  she needs to understand that you and your child did not sign up for this.  saying this and standing behind it are two different things.  you have to mean it...even if it means that you and your child walk away for awhile.

you cannot love your wife sober...she has to love herself enough to do that.  let her know that you will always support her, as long as she is working towards becoming clean and sober.  do not make excuses for her.

[Madisonjsmom]

thank you  i have enabled her but i cant do it anymore.  she spends alot of time here and  thank  you for helping her

[stilltrying1965]

you dont need these pills you have a good man and he seems a bit lost on what to do think about your family they are more inportant than pills you gave me tremendous support when i first came on the site as a 13 year heroin addict and i have not used H since then please please through them down the sink we all know its hard but very possible SENDING YOU SOME OF OUR STRENTH again please try your family need you James Kim x..........................................................................

[cathy5841]

hi i am cathy, amy can tell you about me...lol...it will all be good too.  the whole thing is you can  only help her do what she wants to do....if she wants to quit then you can help her.  if not then really you can do nothing....sorry i know that is not what you want to hear but its true.  she really is an awesome person, but she needs to get into some aftercare.  she always talks about what she is going to do but she does not carry it through....WHY?  she needs some meetings and some counselling....until she is ready to do whatever it takes she wont quit.  there is a saying GTMI says all the time....you will get clean when your desire to be clean is strnger than your desire to use....she will quit when she gets there.  i am sending love and prayers ya'lls way.

[avisg]

I agree with sara as well .Do you can't make her quit but there are thing you can do as others have said you have to stop enabling her use .Its a lot easier for us to say then it going to be for you to do but you can alaon meetings are a good start there are some great books and web sites these days of enabling .

Lizzie who I see posted on here is a great one to talk too she is a family member of addiction and has had to learn how not to enable ...She very nice as well...

[wannabefree330]

Another important saying is "nothing changes if nothing changes".  We all have great ideas and goals to attend meetings, get out and talk to counselors or psycologists etc, but once the physical detox ends we feel so totally empty inside we forget what our plans were.  We become so lonely and feel so guilty for what we have done, we continually live inside our own mind.......and for an addict that is a VERY dangerous place to be.  

Unfortunately you cannot do the work for her, but you are an awesome husband for wanting to HELP her.  Encourage her to go to AA or NA meetings.  They are Everywhere!!  may take a few till she finds the right one for her, but it does help.  She also would benefit from some counseling in order to learn how to cope with life and living sober.  It really isn't that difficult to get involved with an aftercare program.....if she uses even 10% of the energy it takes for her to find her drugs, and applies that to recovery she will make it.  Right now, it is just easier for her to take the easy way out.  what consequences does she have when she continues to relapse?  Hubby, set some strong boundaries with her, and stick to them.  Its what she needs right now.

[wannabefree330]

A great book I recommend for you:  Codependent No More by Melody Beatie.  great for anyone affected by another persons addiction!

[worried878]

I really dont agree with any type of blame on u cos ur wife uses..that is her blame and u probably work hard and do not have time to babysit ur wife nor should u have to..this is not what u signed up for///course she is a good person..u dont have to be a bad person to have this deficiency in ur chemical make up that causes addiction to occur in some and not in others.....i would suggest the book  "End Your Addiction Now" so u can understand the brain and the things going on that is making this difficult for her/and she needs to read up as well and understand..she is a wonderful person..so am i  LOL..for ur troubles then do read codependent book especially if u continually make excuses for her to continue using and if feel u r codependent..u could just be at the wrong place at the wrong time..and u r trying to help all u can..u r a wonderful person to stick with her,,,madisonsmom..u r so so lucky..thank ur lucky stars and get clean..i think u want to we just dont always make it on the first go around..most do not,,doesnt mean u r a failure just the norm when quitting;..it s gotta stick...and u gotta want it.....maybe tell us the things u have been doing to fight this battle..exercise?  meetings?  supps and aminos?   care for urself is important as it is sad how many people our addiction can affect....hang with her...she is a winner in this nasty stuff