When will I feel alive again?

[Ali1226172]

Hey all...i'm staying clean for the most part but, I am really down in the dumps! I am just "getting through" the days...when will I feel alive again??? I feel nothing!

[loveisthefinalfrontier]

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/recovery-stories/

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[Ali1226172]

Thank you everyone...working on one day at a time! I get hugs from my nieces every single day and I sware they are the reason I keep breathing.  I know these rough times will pass and I hope to god my sister will pull through before it's too late.  I feel like half my heart and soul is with her so i'm half dead but, I'm going to keep fighting every day to get through it.  If it wasn't for my nieces and you guys on here I'd never make it- thank you everyone.  Sometimes I just need to know I'm not alone and I guess it's time to face the pain. I wasn't expecting it to be so tough and overwhelming...I understand now why I was using the pills...I wanted to numb the pain of living without my best friend (my sister) And here come the tears lol guess I owe myself to let them out for once! Good luck to all else struggling and I appreciated ur prays and words of encouragment!

[BIKERDAD1963]

I guess maybe the drugs and such has been filling the empty spots. Everything you are mentioning is normal mental withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately some people get them worse than others. I was having a hard time of it and I stopped trying to look to far in the future. started just focusing on the current day. I wish I could help you. Just hang in there. Life is sounding really rough for you rite now and i am very sorry for your situation. Crying is a good release. Is there somone else around for support? Sounds like you need some actual physical support to give you some hugs and such. Its just hard to give that kind of support thru the computer. I will pray for you.

[Ali1226172]

Again I just need support, I don't need anyone telling me what to do (tho I appreciate it, and know u have my best interest at heart) I am doing all the things I am suppose to do, and have seeked professional help, stopped the drugs, gone to meetings, on antidepressants etc etc.... it's just a feeling inside that is so empty and overwhelming I don't know how to handle all this I just cry every day- I think this is mainly due to the recent lose of my sister, she is soo sick it's not even her anymore and I miss her so much but she sound her soul to herioin and I got myself better for her but, she wonttt and i'm so sad and scared and friegin depressed!

[Ali1226172]

I have and will continue to do so...I just keep trying to believe that happiness will come but, it's just not..

[BIKERDAD1963]

Maybe its time to seek some help to deal with your depression. Most of us become addicts because we are depressed. The drugs make us feel good but when the drugs are gone we are still depressed. You need to seek professional advice.

[Ali1226172]

I am clean off my doc the pills when I said for the most part I meant (drinking or smoking every now and again) I have been clean for a while and I STILL DON'T FEEL ANYTHING BUT SADNESS! I suffer from major depression and, with my sister's sickness I am struggling just to get through each day.. I take vitamin B everyday and all that ****! No offense but, I am sick of hearing it cuz I am acutally doing all the things I am suppose to do but, I still feel dead inside.  I'm on antidepressents, I take vitams, even try to excersise now and again but, inside it's just non stop anxiety and depression! I can not even function lately cuz I am so anxious and just down. I feel the way I use to feel before I ever took pills.... I have always suffered depression and anxiety and with the pills I felt like I finally felt good and normal.  I know thats not the right thing to do but, now clean I'm back to not even wanting to live or do anything!  I've tried klonipin, lexpro, xanax, anitdepressants, therapy...u name it I've done it and sometimes I feel slightly better but it's a fight every day.  I have to fight to keep myself calm and motivate myself to do my daily task every single day of my life! I am in hellllllllllllll ...

Please lend ur support and I am doing what I am suppose to but, I feel terrible inside

[BIKERDAD1963]

Well if you are only staying clean for the most part than you arent staying clean. You wont feel alive until you stop completely. You are just messing up your head. It doesnt no what its suppose to be doing. Stop taking anything and get clean. Get some tyrosine, B6 and B12. It helps getting your head back in order. If you continue to stop and then take a little something and stop again and take again your body wont ever get back to normal.

[whitie]

what do you mean for the most part?


it all depends how long and how hard you used.  but regardless, you just have to continue the fight. there is no other viable option. but in time it will come, there are some days that everything is fine and others where you feel depressed.