Crazy Dream

[DoubleInTrouble]

I had a dream last night , I was shopping and seen the norco dealer who I use to buy from and it was so scary when he came , being that Iam feeling weak and vulnerable. I am not having the physical WD's anymore , it's all mental now, just keeping strong, thinking positive and sobriety, I been going to AA meetings , got a sponsor , , missed last nights meeting  bcuz it was storming, didn't want to drive in it.
I have another battle tonight, it's my hubby's bday and wants me to go to a nightclub tonight . I think I should be fine, he is my biggest support system! I just been feeling really down and mixed with emotions , alot of ups and downs . We have been together 11 yrs and I always did something for his bday and bought him presents , cake balloons the whole 9. And today all I did was get him a bday card.  
I just have this scared and paranoid feeling , I feel sad , ashamed , guilty, weak minded, the total opposite if who I was a year and a half ago when I started norcos, 3-4 in a day everyday, I CT 6 days ago. Iam also a recovering alcoholic, I was sober 5 1/2 years until 8 months ago. The first time I CT alcohol , it was so much easier, when I decided to quit, I quit and didn't look back. But since I was taking norcos I feel like it has made my mental and will power so weak, I think I dwell and stress and think to much about what I have to do, and get done, I haven't been working bcuz Iam so scared to go anywhere or just be in the public, I get alot of anxiety, but I feel ok at AA meetings bcuz I know Iam not different from the normal there, they understand me .
I just want to get strong again, how long does it take to get the mental back on track and feeling like myself. I do not want to take any meds for any of my symptoms either , not with my addictive personality, can't do that to myself bcuz it will end in tragedy.

[HappyDays2Come]

HI there and congrats on your 6 days! That is great! You know they say you have to change your playground when you decide to quit. Honestly, I think that being that you're only at 6 days it's a little too early to test the waters by going to a nightclub. Maybe give your hubby a free pass to go out without you and to have a blast with his buddies? Or ask if you two can reschedule for a special night out when you've progressed more with your recovery. Since he's your biggest supporter then he should understand your lack of desire to go to a nightclub right now...

Don't feel badly about not doing as much this year as you've done in the past. You're actually doing more by working on your recovery in order to be the best wife you can be in the future. That's more valuable than any cake, balloons, or night out :). You're doing great and keep focusing on you for now.

[DoubleInTrouble]

Hello pop
I do the same thing, I look around my house , my husband, and I feel like a failure also and I get very sad and depressed, I think about all the time I wasted on these pills and alcohol and being so non productive , it just hurts me so much. I am trying to take it one day sometimes one minute at a time. Thanks for your kind words .

[BearsFan1966]

Try to keep busy, I know easier said than done! but it does help. I know it seems hopeless but it does get better each day. I still have bad days I wont lie  but I keep looking for the bright light and happy life and the end!!! You are worth it and we all are!

[DoubleInTrouble]

Hello BearsFan1966,
Thnx for responding, I have been taking the vitamins from the Thomas recipe , B6 , L-tyrosine, St. John's Wort. And I will and do not want to take any other pill in my life that is Dr. Prescribed , EVER!  it's just these horrible mental weakness

[livyspop]

What your feeling is all 100% normal. After the physical wd's are gone the real fight starts. The mental game is no joke but it passes. Day 23 seemed to be the turning point for me. I would look around at everybody and think to myself not one of these people has ever gone thru this. But how am I to know that. They didnt know I was going thru it. All the anxiety, panick, guilt its all normal. I would look at my kids and break down crying because I felt like a failure as a father. Go celebrate hubbys birthday tonight and have fun. Just keep your guard up because that devil is always on your shoulder. Keep up the good work!

[BearsFan1966]

I am on day 20 and can tell you I feel so much better, each day gets better. I CT myself and understand what you are going threw its pure &^%$!!! If you look up the Thomas recipe it helped me tons! I did not take any thing that was not over counter though. Be proud of yourself you have made it over the hardest part! keep up the hard work and this forum is great for support!