Withdrawal and Depression

[OxyDout]

I finally got to post!! I have been experiencing severe withdrawal/depression the last few days, so much that I have found myself crying on a few occasions, I have been feeling like there is no way out of this awful life style, and if I get close to being clean, I get scared when I think of leading a sober life..... I can't handle it anymore, I lie to everyone, I hurt everyone and I waste all my godamn money on drugs, what the hell is the point?  If it weren't for people in this forum, its a possibility I might not be here right now.  How do I ease this pain, physically and mentally....... I would appreciate any and all posts. I hope I make it through this, I'm not feeling so well.  GWH  I will be here all day.

[dive]

Day 10,

I believe now the hard part has passed for me.  The reason I kept this addiction going was mostly because I couldn't stand withdrawals.  Now that they are over, I can't believe how much I thought I needed them to feel "Good".  I'm 10 days clean, 16 days without Hydro, and am definitley going back to my old self. My lethargy is beggining to lift.  For example, I did a little remodeling of my downstairs bathroom yesterday.  I actually WANTED to do something, that was a first.  

I am not taking any supplements or Tyrosine.  I felt they weren't doing **** for me, so I decided this time to keep things simple and suffer for a while.  Probably a good move, since I feel good so fast after stopping a 1 year addiction.  I know many of you have depression and lethargy long after stopping, but hang in there, it does get better.  I guess the longer you use the more drawn out the lethargy or depression is. It can't be the amount, because I was taking between 10-30 10mg Hydros a day toward the end.  All I can say is it is different for everyone, but it DOES pass. Sometimes quicker, sometimes longer, but it does pass.  

Also my appetite is back, with a vengance, I lost it for 2 weeks. I am noticing myself craving chocolate, and sweets like never before.  Is this something anyone else experience after detoxing???

[dive]

Unfortunatley there is 1.  TO BE HIGH.  But, even getting high goes away with tolerance, so I guess there is none.

Thanks Groovy,  I like your style.

I'm having a great day here,  Very productive at work, and Hopefully the evening will be good too.  

Take care everyone.  I will check in tomorow.

[1fortheroad]

it is theraputic...i've made the list in my head, but when you put it on paper, it's makes it more real or something...

bet you couldn't write down any reasons to BE an addict tho...

[dive]

I have plenty of reasons.

And all of them have to do with "ME"

1. My Health, and overall wellbeing (not so good on drugs)
2. My Beutiful Girlfriend (Pursuing a pharmacuetical carreer, Being wiht a junky would not be good for her)
3. My Parents (I feel I have let them down)
4. My House, and everything in it (which I have worked so hard to be able to afford)
5. My Money (self explanitory)
6. My Job (which I like)
7. My Friends (all close friends are NOT addicts)
8. My Sense of Sanity....

and so on.  Hey.... that was theraputic for me.  I never made that kind of list before.  In my head, yes, but not on paper.

Thanks

[1fortheroad]

hi - we all have "reasons" for quitting, and what i'm told is that you have to do it for "yourself" - you have to love youself, blah, blah blah.  i have to say, i don't feel like i love myself much these days, but i am still determined to stay clean.

you said you need a reason to stay clean...what's your reason?  i have many, i want to be a good mother and wife, i want to stop wasting money, i want to look and feel better, i want to experience "real" life...there's more, but i won't bore you.

[dive]

Thanks Groovy,

I'm glad you liked it.  What a difference a day makes, Huh?.  If you looked at my posts from yesterday, you wouldn't think I'm the same person. LOL

I have plenty to look forward to in sobriety, new things are popping up everyday.  My life it seems, can only get better from here, I will have more money, a better sex life, look healthier, be healthier, and will once agian have natural life energy.  These things are still a little out of my reach, but I'm seeing them now for the first time since last June, when I got really addicted.  

My good friends and I got together this weekend, and some asked if I was still messed up.  I was proud to tell them my story.  Although I didn't get as much support as I do here, they were happy for me, and didn't feel uncomfortable around the pill addict that I had become. I hope one day they too can forget the past year, just like I will try to do, but never completley, becasue I need a reason to stay sober, and the thought of having to relapse, live in a fog, and Detox again, is just insane to me now.  I can't see myself in that world anymore.  I AM recovering... Day by Day, and Doing great.  

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement.  I would have never put down the pill bottle if it wasn't for this forum.