Withdrawal and Depression

[OxyDout]

I finally got to post!! I have been experiencing severe withdrawal/depression the last few days, so much that I have found myself crying on a few occasions, I have been feeling like there is no way out of this awful life style, and if I get close to being clean, I get scared when I think of leading a sober life..... I can't handle it anymore, I lie to everyone, I hurt everyone and I waste all my godamn money on drugs, what the hell is the point?  If it weren't for people in this forum, its a possibility I might not be here right now.  How do I ease this pain, physically and mentally....... I would appreciate any and all posts. I hope I make it through this, I'm not feeling so well.  GWH  I will be here all day.

[1fortheroad]

i loved reading your post - it's so hopeful.  be thankful you aren't experiencing the depression part...it's the worst part for me.  it happens because the drugs wear down the receptors in your brain...the ones that make you feel pleasure.  it takes time to build them back up - some say it can take up to a year!! my doc told me that amino acids really, really help the process, so if you do start feeling depressed maybe you could pick some up.

i'm very happy for you...keep up the great work!!

[dive]

Hi everyone.

I'm doing much better today.  It is officially day # 9 totally clean for me.  My withdrawals are OVER!!!!, Yey!!.  I slept like a baby last night for the first time and got a whole 7 hours rest.  I woke up feeling great.  

One thing I've noticed is that I'm not getting the depression everyone talks about.  At least not yet anyway. I felt a little down during the withdrawals, but that's over by now. I am actually feeling good inside.  Yes I still have cravings, but am mentally blocking them out.  Oh, and yes, I'm still a little lethargic, but feel like it's slowly lifting from me.

If you told me 3 months ago that I would have come this far, I would never have believed you.  I'm really proud of my accomplishment and will not **** it away for a high.

The sun is back out, and the weather is warm, I'm glad to be living.  Things are looking good.

[dive]

You're right, I just read some of my "positive" posts from yesterday.  

I'm in now way going back to the pills.  I know that to be fact, it's just that ******* monkey won't shut up!!!!.

I guess I'm just stressed.  I need to lay in bed, and chill out.  Only 1 more hour of work and I get to go home.  

I'm trying hard here, but today everything is telling me to score and use again.  I even found 3 Hydros in my desk at work.  It was almot ceremonial the way I flushed em down the toilet.  I am not wasting my life away to a shitty little pill, but my body and mind want it so bad.  I hate fighting this feeling off, but I'm strong and will continue to do so untill it goes away.

Thanks GWH for that boost.  I needed that today.

[OxyDout]

THE PAST IS THE PAST, ITS NO LONGER.................build back up, put your blinders on and stay focused at the road ahead, you can do this, just think about what you said........if you turn back now those pills will be more then ready to welcome you at the gates of hell.

[dive]

I'm not having a good day here.  I'm tired, yet still a little jumpy, how weird... I'm at work, but can't seem to get a thing done, with this lethargy.  AND I CAN"T STOP THINKING ABOUT POPPING PILLS.  

Sorry to vent, But I'm just hanging on by a thread today.  Yesterday was actually better.  I think it's because the sun is not out today..  Or maybe because I just paid some bills, and realized how much money I was pissing away on Hydro.  I could have a new car by now.  Instead I wreak the one I have because I was nodding off.  I feel stupid for letting it get this far.  Hopefully that was my rock bottom, because I can't feel any worse about myself right now.  Only the thought of staying clean is keeping me from going insane, and even that is getting to me.

AAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[OxyDout]

haha, too funny, you know I'm gonna try that, i can't stop laughing, oh god, the things we do.  Anyway, thank you for the advice..........what does the name stand for, or is it your last name, you don't have to answer i'm just curious.