Oxycontin

[Dave2824]

Just wanted to throw this out- no reason to lie about anything and maybe this could get me a chance to hear something that can help.

I have a kidney ailment of which there is no cure. 39 years old. I used to rock climb, now I hardly leave the house. I have a standing order with a pain management dr that gives me oxycontin 40mgs 4 x per day for gout pain that comes from the kidney ailment among other things. I will not lie- I usually munch them up at the beggining of each day. makes me feel happy for about 5 to 6 hours. I know this is addict behaviour. I am an addict. I will not dare tell my dr this. My question is this: If I am going to die from my ailment, I have pain-but probably not as bad that it requires this much meds-and I am on permanent SSI/Disability, (my wife only gives me the days amount of pills or else I would have them gone in less then half the time) I am not hurting anyone, I am taking meds that are prescribed, I am still a father to my son and though its not much I am still bringing in money for my family,  - should I feel guilty about trying to get "high" from my PRESCRIBED meds? I mean, lets face it-they picked oxycontin because it is easier on my kidneys than pain meds such as vicodin and percdan and other weaker meds that have tylenol in them- so the way they (oxycontin) kill pain is to shoot endorphins in the pleasure centers of my brain, I.E. getting high...is this wrong?
Well, I am taking it this way. As I type this I just crunched one down. I dont become beligerent. I still try to be a father to my son-and it usually enables me to do so. I dont know...I guess I am wrestling with my conscience on this. Something doesnt feel right or I wouldnt be posting this.
I am not afraid of truth.
Go ahead and let me have it.
Dave

[mimi1313]

Dave,

We were all more than happy to respond. This is an open forum and its great becasue there are so many people who want to help. Please keep posting and let us know what you want to do or not do.

You won't be judged and you won't be wasting anybody's time.

Good luck,
Melissa

[Dave2824]

Thank you to all of you guys.
That includes broknbck, Sunnyd210, worried878, kittykat58, GoingToMakeIt, mimi1313, crispie & addictedme.
You all didnt have to respond but chose to anyways and I am grateful.
Thank you again
Dave2824

[broknbck]

well the important thing is to get educated on your drug and what it can do.

it is everyones decision to take it or not.without some kind of pain meds there is no life quality for some. you have to realize that it is not going to last forever. it will stop working. so chasing the high is pretty much a stupid thing to do.

but if you think the pros and cons are better to take it, than best to stay at the lowest dosage possible for the pain. and when it begins to not work as good, you will have to stop taking it for a bit so your tolerence will build up again. when you find yourself uping your dosage and getting it from other places , well then you have reached the point of no return. or so it will feel that way, and the nightmare and guilt will surely come.

it is a hard game to play and most lose. it would be wise to use this time that you are using and feeling good to get things done and prepare for when they stop working-------- because they will.

[Sunnyd210]

You are not wasting my time at all so please dont apologize. I was on norco for years and my dr moved away I had a replacement dr who was writing the scrips for me but I was more afraid of just being cut off than stopping on my own. Im just grateful that I didnt take the stronger oxy's when they were offered. Mayb instead of stopping (it might not be ur time yet) just try and slow down alittle so ur body doesnt become immune to them. It is very hard to have chronic pain it does really stink and just like worried said sometimes its just a choice of what u want to live with and I'd rather live with the pain. Depression is a big part of it too mayb u might be helped with an anti depressant, cymbalta worked wonders for me better than any vicoden ever did (well mayb not in the beginning lol :) Good luck to u my friend and please dont apologize about wasting out time thats what we all come on here for!!

[worried878]

u know i guess that is something we have to decide...i dont like anything ontrolling me like those pills can do...and they were not invented to be an AD altho many use them for that...i have chronic back pain that i hurt from each day....guess it is a analyis of pros and cons.....they were no longer helping my pain due to my tolerence to them and instead of making me feel happy, they made me very sad...

[kittykat58]

I think a lot of ppl who abuse opioids are depressed, and the opioids feel good b/c they create a euphoria. I think this might be part of the reason I like them so much; I think I've been depressed (but functional) all my life. however, I now believe that the state of mind created by the opioids is false and soon turns into a warping of the mind. you said it yourself -- they are not a long term solution to anything.

I think you have already answered your own question. we all have to come to terms with the lie we are living as addicts, at least if we want to get better...and be free!!

best to you....

[Dave2824]

First off,  "crunching" was just an expression of using it- so I apologize for not explaining the way I consume the pills. I swallow them with water- I just meant that I dont extend them out like I am supposed to.

Sunnyd210, you bring up a very scary, thought provoking point. I am not worried about the Dr leaving or switching Dr's as much as I am concerned with the fact that you are absolutely right about the effects wearing thinner and thinner. I know in my guts its not a real life answer to permanently live by. And everyday that I put off that fact, it  is just making the eventual action of having to stop or switch or whatever - that much harder.
I dont know..... obviously I am just being foolish.  I guess I am angry about my health and wha wha wha. I feel like I am just becoming a whiner. There is a lot to be grateful for.
Sorry to take up anyones time.
Dave

[Sunnyd210]

Well I will say one thing you have a very smart wife :) The only thing you might want to consider though is that if you will have this condition for the rest of ur life whats going to happen when ur body isnt affected by the oxycontin anymore?? That was a big factor in why I got off narcotics because I was afraid that the pain was only going to get worse as I got older and what would happen in 10 or 20 years from now?? Another thing to consider is what happens if that dr leaves the practice then what?? Alot of drs dont want to give out drugs like that anymore?? Good luck to you

[addictedme]

You can start the process by NOT CRUNCHING !!!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

There is no right or wrong answer in your case. Quality of life is important. do you have it taking the pills? Will taking the pills change your chances of living, etc?

[mimi1313]

Dave,

It seems to me that you already have your answer. Sometimes the best way to come to a realization is to write it out as you just did.

What do you think? Are you happy with the person you are right now? I know this sounds cryptic but keep posting and you're answer will come to you. I say that becasue no matter what I say to you, unless you realize what you have to do, my words are useless to you.

Good luck and keep posting, maybe even make a journal.

[crispie]

I AM 42 WITH CHRONIC KIDNEY PAIN...MY KIDNEYS DO NOT FILTER RIGHT...I HAVE BEEN ON PERCS FOR 5 YRS.... TODAY I AM 11 DAYS CLEAN...AND DEALING WITH THE PAIN....THE WDS. WERE A NIGHTMARE AND I KNOW THERE IS STILL A WAY TO GO...BUT I FEEL  BETTER...NO THAT YOU CAN DO IT...WE ALL ARE LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT, THATS WHY WE ENDED UP HERE...GOOD LUCK